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AIBU?

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Original poster

Brownies incident stopped me singing, starting to see how messed up it was.

315 replies

Magenta82 · 04/08/2026 10:18

When I (44) was 8 I went to a big division meet up, not many people from my pack went. There was show put on by another group as part of their Entertainer badge, they played the spoons. Someone then described the award and I thought it sounded like fun. I went back and badgered the leaders until they agreed to do it.

We did a big group show for all the parents and everyone had to do an individual piece as well, some at the show and some on a normal Brownies night. I chose to do it at the show.

I decided to sing from my school hymn book (the blue one with the ugly kids on the front #4 Autumn Days), on my own, in front of everyone with no musical accompliment. The "judges" were 3 quite elderly ladies from some kind of group of retired Brownie leaders or something (trefoil?). They failed me. I didn't get the badge.

Now admittedly I can't carry a tune in a bucket but still! I was basically put off singing for life, gave up trying, if I was so bad I couldn't get a brownie bade I must be the worst in the world.

It seemed unjust at the time, but now I have a child in Squirrels I really just how fucked up it really was.

AIBU

OP posts:
Amberlynnswashcloth · 04/08/2026 15:09

Age 8, I wasn't allowed to take ballet classes at the church hall because the teacher said I wasn't elegant and graceful enough! That one really hurt my confidence.

VanessaFence · 04/08/2026 15:24

This brought back memories of being in music lessons and the teacher going around the class making everyone sing happy birthday so she could decide if they could sing in the lessons or if they had to mime. Even 10 year old me knew that was cruel!

These things do really stay with you. I remember a year 7 drama lesson where we had to do improv and I was picked to go next. I nervously stood up, said a couple of sentences and was told "no, no stop" by the teacher. I sat down completely mortified and never participated in anything drama-related again.

FedUpCelery · 04/08/2026 15:25

Great choice of song op!
I hope you sing now.

Shinyhappyapple · 04/08/2026 15:31

My head teacher told me to mine in a school performance when I was in primary school . Now, my singing isn’t the best but I think it might be better if I felt more confident.

B9waiting · 04/08/2026 16:03

Skippyasyermuni · 04/08/2026 10:26

But that’s the same as all the badges - you actually had to do the work to learn the skill, and be competent in it. You weren’t a singer, and sounds like you didn’t learn how to hit the notes, so… you don’t get the badge. The entertainer badge didn’t need to be singing; you should have learned a skill you could do competently.

I wouldn’t say it that way to an 8 year old obviously, but you’re in your 40s so it’s ok to say it bluntly. Loads of kids don’t achieve brownie badges because they didn’t learn the skill. There was a thread on here last year from a mum really angry that her daughter didn’t get the badge after failing to do the thing competently; she wanted it to be awarded for participating and she was told by almost every poster that she was being unreasonable because you don’t get the badge if you can’t do the skill.

Your parents or brownies leaders should have helped you with the badge by helping you find something you could do confidently and well, rather than let you try at singing when it wasn’t really a natural talent for you.

It is upsetting. But if it’s like any other badge, you need to be able to do it well to achieve the badge. Entertaining is a skill like any other; someone should have used it as a chance to help you learn something new.

Edited

This!

ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 16:06

Skippyasyermuni · 04/08/2026 10:26

But that’s the same as all the badges - you actually had to do the work to learn the skill, and be competent in it. You weren’t a singer, and sounds like you didn’t learn how to hit the notes, so… you don’t get the badge. The entertainer badge didn’t need to be singing; you should have learned a skill you could do competently.

I wouldn’t say it that way to an 8 year old obviously, but you’re in your 40s so it’s ok to say it bluntly. Loads of kids don’t achieve brownie badges because they didn’t learn the skill. There was a thread on here last year from a mum really angry that her daughter didn’t get the badge after failing to do the thing competently; she wanted it to be awarded for participating and she was told by almost every poster that she was being unreasonable because you don’t get the badge if you can’t do the skill.

Your parents or brownies leaders should have helped you with the badge by helping you find something you could do confidently and well, rather than let you try at singing when it wasn’t really a natural talent for you.

It is upsetting. But if it’s like any other badge, you need to be able to do it well to achieve the badge. Entertaining is a skill like any other; someone should have used it as a chance to help you learn something new.

Edited

In our Girl Guide pack you would have earned the bagde 100% for the effort! We don't fail 8 yo girls trying their best. It's mean!

Flowerheads · 04/08/2026 16:07

Well, what are the criteria for a badge -- just making an effort, or achieving an adequate level in whatever it is? If you'd done a cookery badge and made something inedible, or that made people sick, would you still have got the badge?

Besidemyselfwithworry · 04/08/2026 16:09

mtobrokeme · 04/08/2026 10:25

What a set of absolute bitches!

exactly I hope they are all rotting in hell that’s down right nasty!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/08/2026 16:29

Flowerheads · 04/08/2026 16:07

Well, what are the criteria for a badge -- just making an effort, or achieving an adequate level in whatever it is? If you'd done a cookery badge and made something inedible, or that made people sick, would you still have got the badge?

Depends. They had tester cards/sheets with the criteria, so the decision might have been that she hadn't completed the task to an acceptable standard, including completing 3 other parts of a performance, making a programme and tidying up afterwards without being told she had to.

ETA: it may not have been the singing that prevented the award, it could have been behaviour through the course of the meeting (as those Trefoil Guild ladies saw everything).

ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 16:31

Flowerheads · 04/08/2026 16:07

Well, what are the criteria for a badge -- just making an effort, or achieving an adequate level in whatever it is? If you'd done a cookery badge and made something inedible, or that made people sick, would you still have got the badge?

You be encouraged to try again. Not that hard to work out. Cooking is a skill to work on.

But OP did entertain. She met the criteria for her bagde.

As a scout leader or girl guide leader you should help the child to achieve a goal and
not fail them. If they don't get it right first time you help and guide them to try again.

With proper management from the leaders everyone child (guide/scout) should be able to earn a badge if they make a real effort and are willing to try again if necessary.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 04/08/2026 16:36

It takes much more courage to sing a solo (however bad!) than to play the spoons. Given how young you were, of course you should’ve had a badge.

I knew I couldn’t sing as a 12 year old so went for a trial singing lesson, purely so I could sing Happy Birthday etc without it destroying people’s ears. The teacher waited for me finish a very nervous demo then said, ‘You’re never going to be an opera singer, are you,’ then looked me in the eye and watched me flush and squirm.

There are occasions where people need to know they can’t sing (X-factor, big headed people with no talent) and occasions where you have to be a bit kinder (young children and people with no confidence as it is).

Original poster
Magenta82 · 04/08/2026 16:43

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/08/2026 16:29

Depends. They had tester cards/sheets with the criteria, so the decision might have been that she hadn't completed the task to an acceptable standard, including completing 3 other parts of a performance, making a programme and tidying up afterwards without being told she had to.

ETA: it may not have been the singing that prevented the award, it could have been behaviour through the course of the meeting (as those Trefoil Guild ladies saw everything).

Edited
Show quote history

It was just the solo singing, I passed all the other criteria, the whole pack did. Round about 6 girls did solos at the show, 2 of us failed due to lack of talent, the rest did a solo at a normal Brownies meeting assessed by the head owl (she wasn't a brown owl for some reason but a different breed) they all passed.

OP posts:
growinguptobreakingdown · 04/08/2026 16:45

Yup .54. Unable to sing in public after auditioning every primary school year for the choir and being the only child who did so to never get in (very small village school).I was good at recorder so for shows I had to mime or sit round the back and wait to come out to play. The auditions were awful as the teacher would tell me I was dreadful!Bloody Mrs Jackson. Such a mean woman.

ForWiseRoseCat · 04/08/2026 16:45

This is shit, I'm really sorry. We give everyone a badge if they're there when we do the badge work. Even if their attempt isn't great it still gets a badge because it's about the trying not how great they are.

Dreamcatcherat50 · 04/08/2026 16:52

Angrybird76 · 04/08/2026 11:41

I had this song at my wedding! Was my fave hym at school. All together now: Autum days when the grass is jewelled and the silk inside a chestnut shell!

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Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled all these things I love so well! 😁

Redintoothandclaw · 04/08/2026 16:55

An eight year old isn't a young child. Children can achieve a lot at that age. I think it's a real shame that having a go at something is seen as enough to earn a badge - how about encouraging children to really work at something until they've achieved something real?

ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 16:59

Redintoothandclaw · 04/08/2026 16:55

An eight year old isn't a young child. Children can achieve a lot at that age. I think it's a real shame that having a go at something is seen as enough to earn a badge - how about encouraging children to really work at something until they've achieved something real?

Brownies isn't a competition.

namechange62 · 04/08/2026 17:04

Goditsmemargaret · 04/08/2026 10:31

Omg OP I don't think I have read something here that has resonated with me so deeply.

Solidarity!

At a similar age I had a very nasty teacher ridicule me and actually ban me from singing. She told me I had to mime. Then all the class would turn and watch me to make sure I wasn't singing out loud even during prayers.

I told my mother and instead of saying that's ridiculous she looked horrified and agreed that I clearly couldn't and shouldn't sing.

For over thirty, yes thirty years I didn't sing out loud and spent many an evening stressing and trying to figure out how to disappear at exactly the time a birthday cake would appear anywhere.

Then I had a baby and began singing to her. My DH teases my terrible singing relentlessly and I do the same back to him. What he doesn't realise is the great reflection on him, us and our family it is that I let him hear my singing voice. Now I sing out of tune and joyfully every chance I get.

Shame on them.

Oh my.. I could have written your post almost word for word. Except during the rehersal she told everyone that someone was singing the wrong note. She told us to hold the note and walked along the rows till she came to me! I was mortified.. and like you everyone looked at me during the performance..
I know I can't sing but get great pleasure singing to my children and now my grandsons.
Solidarity..

pag3turn3r · 04/08/2026 17:06

I think some of the judges are alive and well... and here on Mumsnet posting replies.

Redintoothandclaw · 04/08/2026 17:18

ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 16:59

Brownies isn't a competition.

Show quote history

It's not about competing, it's about learning things, working at things, challenging yourself, actually achieving something.

LilyOfTheValley25 · 04/08/2026 17:20

I think by 8 you should know that nobody is good at everything. I mean people keep banging on about effort. Iy does not take a lot of effort to open your mouth and obliviously sing out tof tune

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 04/08/2026 17:20

What a bunch of old witches! It was your idea to do the show! Your enthusiasm that got the whole thing up and running. It doesn’t matter that you can’t sing well, you got up and did it! You entertained.

I agree that badges shouldn’t be given out just for turning up, but you did so much more than that. I’d have given you the badge.

ShetlandishMum · 04/08/2026 17:20

Redintoothandclaw · 04/08/2026 17:18

It's not about competing, it's about learning things, working at things, challenging yourself, actually achieving something.

Show quote history

Yes.
If you do this - you earn your bagde.

Boomer55 · 04/08/2026 17:21

When I was 11, in the 60’s, my class all had to sing solo for a music teacher. She asked that I never bought my singing voice near her again 😂😂😂

VeySur · 04/08/2026 17:24

When I was at school, in year eight or nine, the drama teacher said that my speech was adversely affected by having big teeth. Even though I had had my braces just taken off. It made me self-conscious and put me off public speaking for life and I am 55!