Brownies incident stopped me singing, starting to see how messed up it was.

[Magenta82]

When I (44) was 8 I went to a big division meet up, not many people from my pack went. There was show put on by another group as part of their Entertainer badge, they played the spoons. Someone then described the award and I thought it sounded like fun. I went back and badgered the leaders until they agreed to do it.

We did a big group show for all the parents and everyone had to do an individual piece as well, some at the show and some on a normal Brownies night. I chose to do it at the show.

I decided to sing from my school hymn book (the blue one with the ugly kids on the front #4 Autumn Days), on my own, in front of everyone with no musical accompliment. The "judges" were 3 quite elderly ladies from some kind of group of retired Brownie leaders or something (trefoil?). They failed me. I didn't get the badge.

Now admittedly I can't carry a tune in a bucket but still! I was basically put off singing for life, gave up trying, if I was so bad I couldn't get a brownie bade I must be the worst in the world.

It seemed unjust at the time, but now I have a child in Squirrels I really just how fucked up it really was.

AIBU

Me and my friend and my sister regularly talk about how fucked up our Girl Guides was and wonder why our parents allowed it. The woman running it was a weirdo as was her husband and they weren’t well liked. We used to have do her housework!!! It wouldn’t pass safeguarding today. The Brown Owl of my Brownies was a bitch as well. Does it attract people who get off on a bit of power I wonder?

Well done you for having the courage! I don't think it was wrong to fail you if you were way out of tune, but the leaders let you down by allowing you to choose something you weren't ready to do. More practice and a few lessons might have been enough to prepare your singing voice, or you could have recited a poem or acted a small scene instead of singing.

I had a teacher who got the "nice" girls to stand up. He told everyone that i was okay but not that nice. That has stayed with me and i'm in my 50's.
He did get sacked for being a bully and other things whilst i'm thriving, got loads of friends, gorgeous children etc. But i automatically think that people won't like me.

Everyone can play the piano pressing down random keys.
Everyone can play the drums bashing them with sticks.
Everyone can play the violin scraping the strings.

Everyone can sing but not everyone can sing well.

I had a mad teacher who recommended that I went to a speech therapist. My mother took me there but the speech therapist told my mother and I that I had no speech impediment just a local accent. Not only was the teacher a snob but also one of those headcases who has to find something that a child cannot do instead of encouraging them.

I loathed that teacher but the trip was worth it as by the end my mother loathed her as much as I did. Plus the speech therapist truly was lovely and kind and that really made the difference, especially as someone so nice and smart was putting my teacher in her place.

Some adults make kids lives hell others change them just through simple acts of kindness

Aged 11 I went on holiday to a holiday camp with wider family and family friends and their children. I was a shy child who lacked confidence and there was a dance, like a line dance called The Slosh. My aunties and cousins tried to force me to dance but I was having none of it. As a result I have never danced in a disco, wedding or nightclub, sober or drunk. It makes me really sad because I know I'm missing out but the mental block is there.

Swimming was just an example of something with a measurable outcome. I must admit I didn't realise the outcomes aren't measurable in that sense. Think I'd find that a bit fluffy and intangible. Obviously it's good that children have a go at something new and find what they enjoy.

I had a similar experience, but at primary school (I'm the same age as OP).

It did put me off singing (though fortunately not music in general, as I've always played instruments).

Would somebody have been awarded the cycling badge if they were hopeless at cycling and kept falling off their bike?

I wouldn't have tried out for badges in things I wasn't any good at.

You might have been cr*p at singing but I bet it was entertaining so you should have got the badge 😄

Shocked by the ‘ugly kids’ comment, esp on a post lamenting about adults judging kids harshly. I prob spent hours in total staring at that hymn book cover as would have a copy on my lap during assembly every morning. In my childhood innocence, it would never have occurred to me to judge their attractiveness.

IKR

Solidarity! Singing trauma from primary school when I was sat beside someone to hear the tune. Mortified and sang v quietly since then. And I love singing.

Fair point it was badly worded, it was a badly reproduced blue monstrosity, it was an ugly picture of kids, not a picture of ugly kids.

Apologies for any hurt feelings.

It’s not about being able to do any ‘thing’ it’s about learning and taking part in whatever activities are on. There is no test to pass. Nothing they must become competent in. This is not school. They don’t fail their baking badge because their cake was shit. Turning up and having a go is enough. As it should be. This isn’t a pass or fail qualification. It’s a fun after school club

OP that song was my favourite! Singing it in assembly made me so happy. Bloody well done to 8 year old you for having the guts to get up and perform it.

My Brown Owl was a knob head too. Its a generational thing I think.

What about some singing lessons to help you find your voice and move past that experience?

If I got my home entertaining badge for fish paste sandwiches you deserved it for a less than perfect crack at a song!
I agree with pp - wicked old trouts they were!

Suddenly I feel terribly old. Surely a baking badge means being able to turn out half a dozen edible fairy cakes or similar? Of course it should be fun but where's the challenge? Where are the skills? Where's the achievement?

Ooh was that in the late 70s in a village that begins with B?
This thread put me in mind of the exact same experience. It was fair enough though in my opinion because the criteria were very black snd white.

When I tried out for choir I was the only child not allowed to join

To be fair, nobody looks at their best when covered in a blue tinge filter.

All power to the 8 yr old and the important part is that she enjoys whatever it is. Of course it's not going to harm career chances.
I do think there's a problem with handing out badges for 'having a go' though. That's an effort badge, not being able to identify garden birds or bake a cake or whatever.

You could only get that badge in my group if you did the gang show -- and my brown owl wouldn't even let me try for that - wasn't my thing apparently. I was in an orchestra so did performances - so not sure what the issue was despite being quiet.

DD1 was told similar about acting by her primary school though not quite as bluntly and publically. She found other routes in via choir and dance to perform then when she changed school got leading part in play did well and later did Drama GCSE and got a high grade.

Sometimes I think it's how these things are handled - perhaps they could have suggested trying next year for OP if they had to fail rather than putting her off for years.

Gosh this resonates, as with many others it seems. I’m in my 60’s and never sing in front of others. My music teacher in primary made us all do auditions for an inter school singing competition. Mine was 3 Blind Mice. I was the only one to fail and the ENTIRE class had a day out at the competition leaving just me behind. Looking back that was incredibly cruel. I’ve always been mindful never to criticise the DC in that way. These things stay with you.

IF i had been the tester. I would have encouraged you to find a turn thst you were genuinely proficient st and retested you
. Nothing good accrues in the long term from settling low expectations and patronising kids. They need to be shown how to grow!