Brownies incident stopped me singing, starting to see how messed up it was.

[Magenta82]

When I (44) was 8 I went to a big division meet up, not many people from my pack went. There was show put on by another group as part of their Entertainer badge, they played the spoons. Someone then described the award and I thought it sounded like fun. I went back and badgered the leaders until they agreed to do it.

We did a big group show for all the parents and everyone had to do an individual piece as well, some at the show and some on a normal Brownies night. I chose to do it at the show.

I decided to sing from my school hymn book (the blue one with the ugly kids on the front #4 Autumn Days), on my own, in front of everyone with no musical accompliment. The "judges" were 3 quite elderly ladies from some kind of group of retired Brownie leaders or something (trefoil?). They failed me. I didn't get the badge.

Now admittedly I can't carry a tune in a bucket but still! I was basically put off singing for life, gave up trying, if I was so bad I couldn't get a brownie bade I must be the worst in the world.

It seemed unjust at the time, but now I have a child in Squirrels I really just how fucked up it really was.

AIBU

It's a adult thing as well. Grown ups are scouts/girl guides.

Its really not an adult thing.

How do you think Scouts or Girl Guides are run? By magic?

The adults run it for the kids. It is FOR children.

If they are running it for adults then there are serious issues and potentially safeguarding concerns.

Your post resonated with me. I auditioned age 8 for the school choir. Sometimes the choir did work for BBC so it was a big deal.

Everyone else who auditioned was accepted except me and 1 other girl. We would be “reserves”. Not sure what we did when all the other girls were in choir at lunchtime.

Luckily, I had the hide of the rhino and no grasp of subtext so when someone left the choir, I reminded the teacher of my status as reserve so she had no choice but to let me in. I hope I was excruciatingly tuneless in my rendition of the Sky Boat Song for the miserable old cow.

I failed my toy maker badge because brown owl didn’t think my Pom poms were good enough.

I never went back.

@Tiredalwaystired
you win. I’m crying with laughter (maybe that’s why I never got in the choir)

As adult scouts or GG we have a community with other scouts and GG and focus on personal outdoor life and peerlevel challenges. We meet up with other groups - without any leadership commitments to children.

We meet and challenge each other, we learn new things and develop ourselves. Without the children.

We take courses and educate ourselves. Without the children.

We go on trips in natur tailored to adult skills. Without the children.

We stand up when we are asked for leadership for example in our local church. Without the children.

Working with children is part of being a scout. AAbsolutely. Most of us love our young members.

Being a scout or girl guide as an adult is much more though. We don't run scouts/GG. We are Scouts/GG.

I applied for my school choir.
Two teachers were the the judges.
I was really excited that both teachers 'tapped' me.
Until they they announced that anyone that was tapped twice, had to leave.
I mime at church, now, and at weddings and funerals.

YADBU to let this single bad experience still decide your behaviour and choices decades later.

The headmistress in my junior school did this. We were practicing for an assembly and she loudly told me I was putting everyone else off and to just mouth the words.

I’ll buy the badge and send it to the OP if she wants to PM me with her address. That story made me sad 😢

Thank you, you are very sweet.

I'm currently up to my neck in squirrels badges to sew! DD is nearly 5 and already has a space badge, a reading one, a gardening one, a cooking one, plus others! Honestly I swear she has more than the entire troop of squirrels in Hey Duggie!

I remember failing my Girl Guide dance badge in 1982 as my freestyle to Chariots of Fire didnt pass muster when most others on the pack did. I eventually got over the shame and disappointment but never wanted to watch the film.

Do you know something similar happened to me when I was about that age. I went to an event with my school, it was like a radio station event at a big exhibition space. My friends and I were dancing and the teacher was furious and gave us a right telling off and I remember feeling so embarrassed and humiliated. I cant remember what she actually said, just how she made me feel like I was a total moron, like I was an embarrassing idiot. She was a horrible teacher and once screamed at me so much that I nearly wet myself!

Anyway I was put off dancing after that and Ive never danced since as I seemed to have developed an anxiety about it.

Ive always stayed seated at any parties since, even as a teen and an adult as Ive always been too embarrassed and think I'd make a fool of myself!

Terrible how these experiences can dent confidence for years to come. Maybe you should join a womens social choir like rock choir or singergie to build some confidence. I'm not sure what i could do though, ive never seen adult social dance group except for line dancing which i have considered but Im not sure at all 🫣

That is so mean! It is a Brownies Entertainer badge, not an ABRSM Grade 8!

Don’t let that negative experience put you off. Singing is great fun and brilliant for your mental health! See if you can find a friendly, non-auditioning choir near you and finally put those demons to rest 🙂

Remember: “The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.”

I remember getting bollocked at Brownies for not knowing the words to the national anthem. The Brown Owl made me learn the words and sing it o front of everyone the following week. You've just reminded me why I fucking hated the Brownies. Im also now a staunch republican.

I’m sorry those mean spirited twats knocked your confidence.

There’s a children’s book called Henry’s Song that I read as an adult, which made me stop miming. Now I belt songs out with gusto.

Actually the kid with DS in our guide troop won every competition by default. There wasn’t the same attitude towards disabilities then but everyone understood that she would win.

But if badges are just for turning up then how are they an achievement? Maybe it’s my NT brain but I knew when I had done something well or not, and if I had been awarded a badge when I hadn’t done well, it would have felt worthless.

So while the child is overjoyed that they have achieved their badge, surely at some point they realise that it’s worthless because they did burn the cakes or were bad at singing or whatever? Or do they float through life just thinking they are good at these things?

Like i said in my previous post, perhaps it’s because I am ND (I didn’t believe in Santa etc) but isn’t someone sending a badge through kindness that the person didn’t strictly earn is just underlining that they didn’t do well enough to earn it?

I was told to mouth the words at about the age of 5 - it was fair enough I guess as I still can’t sing for shit!

Solidarity OP. I had a similar drama over the collectors badge at Brownies. I had to visit some woman in The next estate over and show and tell my postcard collection. She failed me because they were all of Butlins but I’d never been there (all were sent to me by my aunt and uncle who did a lot of Butlining) so I couldn’t tell the story of the postcard.
The fucking point of a postcard is they are sent to you by other people surely. Brown Owl capitulated but sent me back the next week with my badge collection and I bored her senseless with a story for each one.
Got that MF badge.

So did you turn an excellent choir which sang on the BBC into a choir with a member who sang out of tune? Would that be a good move do you think?

I totally agree with this. Otherwise, children are just encouraged not to work hard at anything, not to keep going until they've succeeded at something (eg a half decent cake), but to expect congratulations and a reward if they "have a go" at something for 5 minutes. It's teaching mediocrity. That's not good for the child or for society. And 8 isn't that young either. Some children are professional choristers singing complex music daily in front of hundreds of people at the age of 8.

I've just remembered there were a few Brownies in my Pack who did fail a cookery badge because even with adult supervision the results were a mess. But Brown Owl was very positive about it. She praised the girls for doing their best, asked what they'd do differently next time, and told them to have another go using the knowledge they'd learned from the failed attempt. They got it the next week.