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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just made me a dinner that he knows I don’t like

133 replies

Oystersinmypocket · 03/08/2026 19:16

Looking for a bit of perspective on this DH has just made me dinner after I came in from work, he does very little cooking so I’m very grateful of that.

He told me he was doing fish cakes and salad, just sat down and started eating and I said are they salmon fish cakes, he said yea, I said to him I don’t like salmon, you know I don’t, we’ve been together 20 years and I just don’t like it.
He said to me well you had it the other week, I didn’t, it was sea bass at a restaurant and he had the same thing!
It just feels like he doesn’t think and all I do is think of the family, I feel exhausted with it and it’s probably colouring my view of the situation but AIBU to feel a bit out out?

OP posts:
Isinglass20 · 04/08/2026 20:59

Jeez. I couldn’t cope with all this prissy behaviour. Just effing eat what I’ve taken the effort to prepare and put in front of you or don’t eat then go and buy and cook your own and wash up after or starve.

dontmalbeconme · 04/08/2026 21:02

Isinglass20 · 04/08/2026 20:59

Jeez. I couldn’t cope with all this prissy behaviour. Just effing eat what I’ve taken the effort to prepare and put in front of you or don’t eat then go and buy and cook your own and wash up after or starve.

Exactly. It's not a restaurant, you don't get to choose which dish you'd like from a menu!

Itsthewoluff · 04/08/2026 21:06

Dh can never remember what the kids like and don’t like. I can’t understand why it never sinks in, but he seems to have a mental block about it. I can see why if he thought you’d had it before at the restaurant.

No excuse but can easily see why it happened.

JesseDavisGonnaHangOnInThereNSoul · 04/08/2026 21:14

@Itsthewoluff your user name..I loved lambsy .

HoppityBun · 04/08/2026 21:16

Shouldbeworkingnotreadingtalk · 03/08/2026 19:25

I hate my night time warm milk in a glass I like it boiling hot in a mug. (Call me a saddo .. but… ). ….. every. Single. Fucking. Time. He gives it to me lukewarm… in a fucking glass. .. not sure if he is thick, or hates me, or just doesn’t care enough …

Ask him?

CrikeyMajikey · 04/08/2026 21:22

I had the same thing happen recently. It’s infuriating and totally disrespectful. To make matters worse my fussy eating DD (now 18 and eats better) stuck up for DH. I completely lost it, pointed out how many dinners I had to cook to cater for her and I should be afforded the same basic respect. It’a been a good since.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 04/08/2026 21:37

ExitPursuedByABare · 03/08/2026 23:53

My DH never cooked. If I was ill in bed he could just about manage beans on toast. Although he once made me a bacon sandwich when I was ill and put ketchup on it. I hate ketchup.

His worst crime however was when I’d broken my leg. I spent hours hopping myself around the kitchen on a perching stool, making a luscious chicken stew. A vat full. I portioned it up and asked him to put it in the freezer in the futility room. He put it in the sodding spare fridge. Ruined. All of it.

What’s the expression about deliberate uselessness? So we won’t ask them again.

He’s dead now.

My condolences. Was it related to the stew incident?

HoppityBun · 04/08/2026 21:42

YourBra · 04/08/2026 20:24

Prawns are delicious my dad makes the best prawns. So spicy and full of flavour. Honestly a lot of you should just give over.

Because, with faultless logic, @YourBra ’s dad’s cooking and @YourBra ’s willingness to eat it are the standards by which we all should conduct our lives and, really, there’s no more to be said.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2026 21:57

dontmalbeconme · 04/08/2026 20:17

But OP is a grown up, and can presumably manage to eat "not her favourite food", that someone else has cooked for her with good grace. It's no biggie. Most people over the age of 6 realise that they'll like some meals more than others, but they just eat the good healthy food put in front of them, that someone else has prepared. OP presumably doesn't live in a restaurant, so you eat what you're served (medical reasons excepted), and don't expect to be able to "order" what you want.

Edited
Show quote history

He rarely cooks and then can't even remember what his own wife likes to eat. That isn't cooking for someone with 'good grace'.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2026 21:59

FIoorboard · 04/08/2026 20:08

Probably weaponised incompetence

Show quote history

It wouldn't surprise me at all if he did it on purpose in the hopes he could go back to not cooking at all.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 04/08/2026 22:02

oMG once we had a brief stop on a very long drive at the channel tunnel terminal. I was doing all the driving so this was my only chance to drink a coffee, in the train. DH got me a bloody cappuccino. Coffee with milk in is literally the only thing I won’t drink. After 10 years together!

well he still heres about it 20 years later. Grrrr.

ExitPursuedByABare · 04/08/2026 23:13

@PrizedPickledPopcorn

Thank you. No, unrelated to the stew incident but I still bear a grudge ……

mumumental · 04/08/2026 23:35

Dancer48 · 03/08/2026 21:36

I get so tired of trying to cater for everyone's fussiness and just cook what I want sometimes. They can eat it or cook themselves. E.g. dd eats roast potatoes but not mash, ds eats mash but not roast. They both eat Spaghetti bol but dh doesn't like it. There's only a handful of stuff that everyone will eat

i only cook for DH these days, on ordinary days. He hates anything too healthy and I’m the opposite, so after a long while of juggling, I often cook with myself in mind. He can eat it or make something else, and he now often does self cater.

eastegg · 05/08/2026 00:08

Thingsthatgo · 04/08/2026 06:23

Depends a bit how fussy you are around food. My kids have some food preferences- DD doesn’t love salmon, but will eat it with some cheese sauce because she knows that it’s good for her and she doesn’t hate it, she would just rather eat chicken goujons.
If you hate salmon, but eat most other things then YANBU. If your list of things that DH can’t cook is long, then I could see that he might be bored of the restrictions.

Except that ‘list of things that he can’t cook’ only troubles him once in a blue moon, because it’s there in the third line of the OP that he very rarely cooks. So not that then.

Articstroll · 05/08/2026 00:24

I can't bear fussy eaters. IMO whoever cooks gets to choose the menu.

There are some things I like more than others but there's nothing I wouldn't eat, with thanks, if someone else cooked it for me.

meganorks · 05/08/2026 00:45

YANBU because salmon is indeed shit!

JockTamsonsBairns · 05/08/2026 00:48

YourBra · 04/08/2026 20:24

Prawns are delicious my dad makes the best prawns. So spicy and full of flavour. Honestly a lot of you should just give over.

When it's your turn to cook, would you make something your dad didn't like?

AngelOfTheNorthwest · 05/08/2026 01:41

ExitPursuedByABare · 03/08/2026 23:53

My DH never cooked. If I was ill in bed he could just about manage beans on toast. Although he once made me a bacon sandwich when I was ill and put ketchup on it. I hate ketchup.

His worst crime however was when I’d broken my leg. I spent hours hopping myself around the kitchen on a perching stool, making a luscious chicken stew. A vat full. I portioned it up and asked him to put it in the freezer in the futility room. He put it in the sodding spare fridge. Ruined. All of it.

What’s the expression about deliberate uselessness? So we won’t ask them again.

He’s dead now.

That ended in a rather sinister way

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 05/08/2026 06:02

Bathroomphilosopher · 03/08/2026 19:42

I don’t find this funny. Being able to learn about your partner and hold them in mind is fundamental in a relationship.

If a man can’t do this it’s because he views the relationship in terms of what he gets out of it.

Heard a great line today about women thinking if a man stays is because he loves them when all he really wants is to keep the benefits of being in a relationship.

Totally agree. That's men for you.
Very sad really.

Chickadee001 · 05/08/2026 06:03

What a first world problem - salmon fish cakes and sea bass? Sorry but there are people starving and you're annoyed about flipping fish cakes you feel the need to post about it?! 🙄

May I suggest you get things in perspective and stop being so entitled.

principalskinna · 05/08/2026 06:59

It's like Rob Helen and the tuna pasta

OneFunGreyFish · 05/08/2026 07:02

He's just being a dumbass. I wouldn't think about it too much more than that but yeah I would be annoyed too.

FlatCatYellowMat · 05/08/2026 07:35

I am honestly surprised at how many people think that a partner cooking (on the rare night he cooks) something for the two of you for dinner that you actively dislike is a you problem not a him one!

Not just doesn't like a little bit, but actively dislikes (since they've been mentioned, I wouldn't eat anyone's delicious prawns - it's not the taste I have an issue with, but the texture. If I tried, I suspect I'd struggle to swallow, and if I managed to get it down, I expect it would come straight back up. I'm not being difficult, I just can't eat bouncy things - the sea bass from OP would be completely inedible to me too)

gamerchick · 05/08/2026 08:47

Chickadee001 · 05/08/2026 06:03

What a first world problem - salmon fish cakes and sea bass? Sorry but there are people starving and you're annoyed about flipping fish cakes you feel the need to post about it?! 🙄

May I suggest you get things in perspective and stop being so entitled.

So you force things down you actively dislike because there are starving people in the world?

JesseDavisGonnaHangOnInThereNSoul · 05/08/2026 08:57

gamerchick · 05/08/2026 08:47

So you force things down you actively dislike because there are starving people in the world?

Show quote history

My mum used to say that
One tea time she served up singed mince and tatties.
I got the starving people bit
I told her to send it to them
Cue ballistic mum

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