DH just made me a dinner that he knows I don’t like

[Oystersinmypocket]

Looking for a bit of perspective on this DH has just made me dinner after I came in from work, he does very little cooking so I’m very grateful of that.

He told me he was doing fish cakes and salad, just sat down and started eating and I said are they salmon fish cakes, he said yea, I said to him I don’t like salmon, you know I don’t, we’ve been together 20 years and I just don’t like it.
He said to me well you had it the other week, I didn’t, it was sea bass at a restaurant and he had the same thing!
It just feels like he doesn’t think and all I do is think of the family, I feel exhausted with it and it’s probably colouring my view of the situation but AIBU to feel a bit out out?

If you don't like it, just dab it in whatever sauce you want. Like just dab it in hot sauce and eat. Be grateful there's food on the plate.

Do you want custard with your fun sponge?

Salmon in sauce is still salmon.

DP used to add mushrooms to everything knowing I hated them. Told me to pick them out! Last time he did this I lost my shit, refused to eat the meal. Told him next time I was cooking I’ll shove in loads of fresh chillies (which I love)….he can pick those out!! He now portions out the meals before adding mushrooms to his. It’s not difficult to remember what someone likes/dislikes, especially after 20 years!

That’s such an odd thing to say… there are enormous differences…tuna and salmon, cod….all very very different

DH loves cooking. He is very unfussy/more adventurous around food than either me or DC. He sometimes "pollutes" a meal by trying to sneak in an ingredient that none of us like....and then when we ask whether it has got something else in it, he'll be coy about it or say no....and then later "confess" that he actually put in x and none of us noticed! Except we all did!

DD (very fussy) used to eat Thai red curry from a jar. One day DH added loads of vegetables to the sauce so it was really thick...and not really like a sauce. Shes never eaten it since! 🙄

I just think some men are lazy and don't care enough to take note of the small stuff. Does it make us feel valued? No, not much.

As I said in a thread yesterday (sorry) this ain’t nothing.

men’s refusal to see that women deserve a sense of being domestically cared for is part of an overall pattern of exploitation that is so widespread that we barely notice it - it’s just the air that we breathe.

I know exactly what my DH likes to eat after 25plus years which is why his lunch box some times contains a black cherry yogurt and no spoon.

DH is on a diet so for dinner he's only eating fish or poached skinless chicken breast. Both with onions and garlic, chilli and peppers.

Now I can't stomach chilli and garlic, not keen on fish, so we're cooking separately these days.

I would eat stuff like liver for him, fishcakes but his diet is too extreme for me.

Am amazed after so long you make him a packed lunch!

This. It might seem rather minor but what it actually is saying is I don’t give AF enough about you to remember or to act on it if I do remember…it’s the classic if he wanted to, he would.

My DH never cooked. If I was ill in bed he could just about manage beans on toast. Although he once made me a bacon sandwich when I was ill and put ketchup on it. I hate ketchup.

His worst crime however was when I’d broken my leg. I spent hours hopping myself around the kitchen on a perching stool, making a luscious chicken stew. A vat full. I portioned it up and asked him to put it in the freezer in the futility room. He put it in the sodding spare fridge. Ruined. All of it.

What’s the expression about deliberate uselessness? So we won’t ask them again.

He’s dead now.

@ExitPursuedByABarehaving read your final sentence I’m not sure whether to offer my condolences or ask if a patio was involved.

So many men don't think about their partners wishes or needs at all. They simply don't care.

But fishcakes are mainly potatoes/batter and taste nothing like salmon, if he actually made them from scratch because he really likes them then he's trying.

Yhe this would piss me off, but my husband wouldn’t do this to me because I’m a very hangry person and would probably kill and eat him if I was hungry enough and he tried something like that.

If this is an isolated incident then I’m sure it’s just oversight and he genuinely thought you liked it now because of the sea bass. If it’s part of a broader pattern on behaviour though I’d be more concerned. Get a nice take away or scran all his favourite food.

Sounds like he needs to cook more often until he can get it right.

I was just about to say the same thing! I don't like salmon but I would happily eat salmon fish cakes.

Which is perfect edible and healthy to eat. I don't like it when mum makes boiled eggs, I just eat it with hot sauce

It’s not about whether they’re edible and healthy to eat.

Op does not like salmon. This really isn’t a hard concept to grasp.

There are some foods I dislike but anything another person cooks for me, I eat with genuine thanks.
There is usually something on our plates every night which not every one relishes; we politely taste and eat as best we can.
Kids become non fussy eaters at a table where parents voice appreciation.

Total lack of respect. Is bad enough that He rarely cooks. But then on the rare occasion he does , what makes it worse is that he then gives you something that he should know that you don't like , but he hasn't even bothered to think about that.

Depends a bit how fussy you are around food. My kids have some food preferences- DD doesn’t love salmon, but will eat it with some cheese sauce because she knows that it’s good for her and she doesn’t hate it, she would just rather eat chicken goujons.
If you hate salmon, but eat most other things then YANBU. If your list of things that DH can’t cook is long, then I could see that he might be bored of the restrictions.

My DH is the same, on the very rare occasions he does cook it’s something I don’t like, or something I do like that he’s cooked to his taste, like lasagne coated in Tabasco and turmeric 🤢. Therefore I just cook for myself now the kids have grown up. To be honest it’s pretty miserable. I’ve cooked for us all for 22 years to whatever tastes people have and he can’t bring himself to return the favour and cook just for me & him so I think sod it, why should I?