AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

Kids club!
The holidays we've been on recently, parents can stay if you're not comfortable leaving them yet, bit the rooms are always cool and there'll be different toys for them to look at which will hopefully occupy them for a while, so you can cool down xx

@GarlicAnywhere "This is what OP planned for when she booked the holiday."
I find it very hard to believe that DH suddenly turned into a crappy dad while on this holiday.
The fact that a friend was prepared to lend her money suggests that he had "previous"
You yourself said at 15.37 "We know this chap follows his epic walkouts with two to three days of stonewalling."

Despite all this OP is part responsible for booking a flight that doesn't get in until 1.30.am to go to Spain in August.

No further comments.🙄

Plenty of people manage with 3 or more without a nanny.

RTFT!!!!!!!

But not the couple we are discussing here it seems....

You seem to think nobody can manage with 3 children. That's not true.

Find a manager and tell them your partner has gone missing and you need some help with the kids at mealtimes. If they offer to call the police for your partner, go for it. Not responding to messages is no joke at all when you're alone with 3 kids under 5, and one of them is high needs SEN. He could have got into trouble, in which case the police are needed, but if he's just being a dick, then he'll have to explain himself to the police and they will hopefully eviscerate him.

It's a long thread but if you dont have the time to read for the love of God at least read OPs updates.

In a squillion pages things have moved on sonewhat

First post literally spells out why that isn’t an option. 🤦🏻‍♀️

What a useless man.

“Do you all honestly think I best not have another child incase the father turns out to be a twat and I have to parent them alone?”

Yes, they definitely do. That is pretty much why parents give it a couple of years before having another and often stop at two.

I don’t think your relationship needs to be over if DH can pull his finger out and accept that he doesn’t have the luxury of storming off all day when you have so many children to care for. The holiday really wasn’t well thought through by either of you. Research, communication and earlier flights.

Why would you both even think that going on holidays abroad with kids of those ages was a good idea? My idea of a nightmare…..

Id take the offer and go home , hes left you with 3 highly irritable kids due to being tired and buggered off for 7 hours knowing you can't take them to eat alone and hes ignoring messages . Tell him flights are booked and you're leaving although how you will juggle 3 kids and luggage I dont know .

OK but that's you. I loved holidays abroad when mine were little and - had the OP had a more supportive partner - there's nothing to suggest that she wouldn't have enjoyed this one.

What, when one is SEN ?

Jesus what have I just read. He is an abhorrent piece of shit. Silent treatment is rated very highly under the Domestic Abuse Act.

And for those piling on the OP, yous have no idea

1. What its like to be in an abusive relationship and

1. Having to deal with a SEN runaway, a toddler and a baby. Neither do I, but on reading the posts I had a visual in my head and it wasnt pretty.

I can absolutely see how the original situation played out. Under/over tired kids and OP is left dealing with distraction whilst he faffs with his hair.... I dont think the "ivory tower" folk on MN understand how quickly a frustration due to lack of sleep etc can lead to throwing a CHILDS SUN HAT...... NOT A GLASS...... in anger.

So much drama. You are both adults acting like stroppy teenagers. Both need to act responsibly. Those poor kids

OP, Is the oldest child who didn't go on the trip old enough to help you with the three children so you have support when you get home?

How is the op.....left with 3 kids who are under/over tired and in the heat.... acting like a stroppy teenager?? He fucked off to the bar til midnight with no concern to the op or the kids

RTFT

I just don’t get how women end up with this type of useless man
A man who leaves his wife/ partner with three very young kids in a foreign country because he had an argument with their mother is not a good person imho.
I don’t care how angry, upset or tired he was what he did was unforgivable
However, there must have been signs that indicated that he would behave like this . Why would Op choose to have so many kids with such a person .?

This .

There's always one

Have some understanding and read the big picture here

Leave your 3 kids too would you? What a treat

Hope you are ok OP. Your husband really did one on you. Mine used to behave like this when our kids were small. It’s so frustrating. Please put an update on to let us know you are ok and if you did go home or stayrd and managed to enjoy some of your holiday

A hat. Not a brick. In the circumstances, get some perspective.