FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Well I'm sorry I don't agree with this. We don't have anyone who behaves like the FIL - and actually I cannot really think I have met anyone other than strangers who have the level of unusual behaviour she has described.

Having a grumpy family member who shouts and falls out with people is a totally different thing.

This whole thing sounds very much like Frank and Marie in Everybody Loves Raymond d!!

If you don't know who the loony family member is...

(I am kidding.)

😬Hadn't thought of it like that!😳

"Tomorrow is 'slap the biggest twat in the office day'. If you don't know who that is, call in sick!"

I think I'm safe: I know who it is!

But, seriously, nothing like the OP describes her FIL. I mean no-one showers with the door open, overflows it and then grins like a Cheshire cat while making a mess with their food.

And it isn't as though he is like the majority of twats and has his moments when he is kind of Drunk Uncle at the wedding: from what OP says this is constant and he wanders round looking for trouble as an occupation.

That really isn't that common.

We also have a strange politics one too. Id forgotten him. I see him about once every five years.

He is Irish and says loud and long how much he hates the English and wants to blow them up. Trouble is, a lot of the family are English. He particularly likes to lecture the English lot about the potato famine and the war of independence. And how awful the English were.

Strangely enough he worked in England for several years and was glad to be paid English money.

The last time I saw him, I was braced for the Irish war of independence. Instead, it turns out he is now a Reform supporter and admires Nigel Farage. Of course, he is even more extreme than Reform.

Another evening of saying yes...no...mmm...

He wants to blow the English up? Oh, I'd have read him the riot act @HarshbutTrue2. He's basically a terrorist apologist, a deeply disturbed individual full of hatred. Why do we have to have these lunatics in our homes?!

I think I know one guy a bit like this. His wife went on a trip back to her home country for a couple of months and he told everyone that she’d left him. So people all made sympathic noises. Then she came back and it was total nonsense.

He sounds like an elderly man in our family. He always corners people at parties or events, and then bores on and on about trains or space. His eyebrows are about an inch long and all the hairs point in different directions. His nasal hair is so long it almost touches his lips. If we see someone cornered we rescue them sharpish.

I'm picturing Mr Noseybonk

I've never seen that but it looks about right!

She brought it up later because she isn't writing a PhD thesis or a police report. You're just upset because it mars your narrative. Kindly do sod off.

I think some men have spent their whole lives being pandered to and admired by a handful of women and seem to think that means everyone thinks they’re hilarious/adorable/so wise.

ew

I sympathise with you, my FIL is an asshole too 😆 he is just vile though, not annoying, just vile!

Close the curtains for a few weeks, hopefully he’ll get the message 🤞

He may have the start of dementia. Tell him that's what you think because of his unusual behaviour. Tell him to get checked at the GPS. It will either scare him or make him think about his behaviour

Unplug your filter and tell him hes weird and round too often. ... has he got a tism?

1. I would just lock the doors, then when he bangs on them open it a crack and say what do you want? I'd be making him communicate like a grown up.
2. Go out
3. Get a large fierce dog
4. Tell him he's annoying

Get a vicious dog. Electrify the windows. Start opening the door and shouting “GERROUT YE DOZY BURKE”

Haha cross posted! Great minds!

He sounded like a buffoon at the start, but as I’ve read your further posts OP, he sounds like a nasty piece of work. The shower incident and the situation with the dog is just unbelievable. I would lock the back door and just ignore him. Let him bang, and if your husband lets him in, again just ignore him. But long term, this is an issue that your husband has to fix.

Yesssss!

I know this on a lesser scale, FIL has no MH issues or is rude but he is profoundly deaf now and likes to just follow me around not saying anything just grinning. I don’t think he realises being deaf how annoying he is. I turn round and he’s right there just grinning. Just do something useful elsewhere!
Luckily we live over an hour away now. I really feel for you because the rage that builds between visits just ruins the relationship.
Your DH needs to take control here, have a very firm word that he visits one a week on a set day and time, not unannounced when you have a baby. So bloody annoying

I wouldn't ask him to make tea because I wouldn't trust him not to do something awful like piss in a mug and laugh about it.