FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

I think that would work, poor guy is lonely and bored. Give him lots of jobs!

I was totally Team FiL from the first post and thought you were mean, but the rest of the stories have made me change my mind. They both sound deeply unpleasant.

This..
When I first read your post I thought he was socially awkward but the more you say the more I think he is a huge problem. The episode with the dog/cows could have got someone killed, the flooding the shower room could cost you a lot in deposit and calling a place to check you haven't lied about a job interview is actually very weird.

Explain to your husband but I'd put clear boundaries in place "John your behaviour with the dog could have got someone killed - I'm not prepared foe me & the kids to go away with you again", "John that was extremely rude to call that company and check on my interview, I'd like to take some time away from you to get over your rudeness so please don't come round unless it's on a Saturday when hubby is home" etc.

That is really crazy. How is this man not in prison for something?

I'm actually getting a vein popping out of my head just reading that. I would move far far away

Oh my God I need a lie down just reading about this attention seeking idiot of a man.

So someone old enough to be married and have children cannot prevent someone they despise and see as potentially dangerous entering their home...another crazy attention seeking post. Have some agency. Stop making it seem like someone else's fault

I will agree with you on this. I cannot stand every weirdo up and down the road who is now Christian because the English are a not giving birth enough or because Europe is going soon to be a bit more brown genetically....this is deeply annoying to anyone who loves God and others for real...

edited for spelling correctness

Banging on the window instead of knocking on the door would bother must people. The sound is unpleasant and glass could shatter. I'd talk to him about that, waking the baby, and maybe try to get him a hobby or two. (At the least.)

What a Twat, your Husband should be backing you up!

Lock the back gate, lock all your doors, ignore the banging on the windows, put your house up for sale and move!

I don’t understand how he’s ruined your wedding video as the part where he does what you describe can be fast-forwarded ?

My god you're almost describing my dad. I cannot stand him. Hes always done that hands out shit with me when I was younger and my kids (who are now nearly adults), but goes one further and makes THEM put their hands out and shut their eyes like he's some sort of god figure, all to hand them £2 each, like he wants them to throw themselves at his feet and kiss them. Everything he does makes my skin crawl. Sometimes he asks why everyone leaves the room when he comes in it when we're all at their house (to see my mum). Yeh I wonder why pal. Older boomer males are fucking insufferable weirdos in great numbers.

Given that according the OP's DH this is just how the man is, it seems extremely unlikely that he has Pick's disease.

Much more likely that he's simply a deeply unpleasant halfwitted attention-seeking arsehole, unfortunately.

You know who he reminds me of? Arthur Spooner from King of Queens (US comedy from the late 90s to mid 2000s). It's him down to a T. Even the job interview example.

FIL isn't modelling himself on that character is he? He's the bane of his son in law's life and just does stupid stuff all the time, screaming that he wants cheese, ruining Christmas tree decorations, just always making demands and acting like a toddler. Obviously it is a TV character and it's supposed to be a comedy but FIL sounds exactly like him! The actor, Jerry Stiller, thought the character was a pain in the backside.

You have my utmost sympathy. I've had uncles like this, but luckily been able to escape them at the end of the evening.

I'd be happy to fall out with someone like this. It's not worth it. You'll drive yourself crazy. He sounds awful. He's not remotely funny. The standing there saying nothing but just grinning... Ugh. That's so grim.

I’ve read them. And there’s an undercurrrent of unpleasantness and nastiness in the posts. Even has a pop at her mil, ronically calling her bitchy, when the content of OPs entire posts come across as very bitchy and mean. I mean, come on, most of the comments are based on his ‘smile’ or ‘grin’. Since when has it been a crime to smile? Op doesn’t like the way he smiles, and tries painting him as some sort of weirdo. But that’s my opinion. Others fawning over OP clearly find her funny and delightful…🤷‍♀️

My late Mum always said take a good look at your boyfriends father because he will likely turn into him in a few years time lol 😆

@Sovereigns He sounds absolutely awful.

Part of me thinks I could feel sorry for someone like this for whatever has led them to end up as they are, but only from a distance and certainly not if I had to deal with them like you do. He would make me rage!

Purely out of interest, do you have any idea why he might be like this? Does he struggle with understanding social norms, for example, or does he understand them and just ignore them? Do you know much about his childhood?

I really feel for you - the lump of cake thing is terrible!

Have a gold star. You are clearly so much better than the OP and those of us who support her. Where would we be without you to show us the way?!

Awe I actually think he sounds funny and nice!

Then you shouldn't be let loose with a dog in the countryside or any information about job interviews either.

😂

Uhhhhh I think you need to get out more. Sabotaging your job interview? Spitting drinks out? Coming round every morning and banging on the windows? No thanks!

This has made me belly laugh. I'll be randomly chuckling to myself for days...

He sounds like one of those characters from the Fast Show, except they tend to have only one catchphrase. And are funny.

He sounds dreadful, OP.

Did he spit inside your house or outside? I would have been curious if it was inside, and made him clean it up himself.