FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

It's no use moving. That type of person loves catching buses. They are the nutter on the bus.

Im actually thinking he'd like to communicate, but doesn't know how. Have you ever tried having a serious conversation with him? Local goings on? Politics? The weather? Asked his opinion on anything?

Im now also thinking that the family enabled my silly old sod by laughing with him rather than confronting him. Noone ever told him off.
One of his party tricks was to steal the tea spoons when he visited somewhere, then produce them out of his pocket as he was leaving. Oh, wasn't he the joker? Haha.
My face was blank with wide eyes. I just couldn't smile, let alone laugh.

Bonce means head. I dont know what brayed means.

Why do all the low effort ones not even go for an OP who deserves it? It's not as if it would take anything further out of you. If you're going for low hanging fruit, can't you at least make it fruit that should be picked?

Because we also know people like this in our own families, or workplaces.

You have to move. It’s not fair to expect you to live like this, the story of the sheepdog is awful, let alone everything else.

My MIL was a bit like your FIL. She randomly turn up, let herself in and expect me to just entertain her, drive her to places and she fucked me off so much. The final straw was when I came home from work after a really long day and found her and my teenage BIL going through all the drawers in our house - even the ones in our bedroom!

Before that DH had been keeping the peace. I went ballistic and told him either we move at least an hour away or he could go home and live with his ‘dear’ mother. We moved an hour away 6 months later.

You need to give your DH an ultimatum and stick to it. Either he sorts this out and stops him coming round or you move.

Because every type of poor behaviour now has to have a diagnosis.

Your DH will morph into your FIL when he's older. Be warned.

Husband's dad, husband's problem.
Tell him to knock it on the bonce sharpish.

Why on earth!? What possible explanation did they offer for that!?

He’s not got learning difficulties he sounds extremely acute re the dog thing. He may well be ND but once more for everyone at the back it is possible to be ND and a prick. My theory is that he thinks he is on the Goon show or some other vintage comedy and he’s the light entertainment and he just doesn’t give a fuck about how his “performance” affects anybody. I’m sure he has been told many times.

The thing is OP you have either exaggerated his behaviour or, if you haven't, he has some sort of mental or social disability.

If the latter, I think you do need to find a way to rein in your frustration and boost your tolerance.

He’s not got learning difficulties

I'm not so sure ... If some of these things are really as the OP describes them, there is some kind of disability beyond his control. No-one acts like that to such an extreme or so consistently otherwise.

Not every type.

People can be selfish or entitled or rude, but this is something that goes beyond all that.

Her ‘excuse’ was BIL was cold and needed a jumper. He had his school jumper on! Basically they got caught having a rummage. I thought stuff had been moved before but had dismissed it because who the hell does that?? But they had obviously been doing it regularly.

The more you post, the clearer it is you have a DH problem.

Oh... so he deliberately does something wrong that upsets others and then gets into a massive and aggressive argument with anyone who says no/that's not on?

Argues with neighbour after possibly deliberately spilling paint.
Argues with dog walker after deliberately letting a dog in with livestock.
Argues with DW(?) over deliberately flooding the bathroom.
I suspect he's deliberately trying to upset you OP so he can be aggressive to you or DH. He's goading you. Lock that fucking door. This is not about ND or whatever, this is about a nasty and very cruel man who enjoys seeing others upset, the sort to pull legs off spiders. No wonder his wife acts like a bitch, she's had years living with an abusive nasty man trying to break her and she probably hasn't realised yet.

This reminds me so much of one of my husband’s friends from a shared hobby they used to do. Hardly sees him anymore. Honestly don’t know how you do it. Really think you need to escape by moving or ban the nonsense by becoming estranged or forcing your husband to do all the visiting. Your husband needs to read this thread. It’s not ok to force this shit on you.

If he does have some sort of disability, then so did the bloke I went out with when I was 19, (he was 31 at the time), the bloke who was Chief Exec of a place I worked, and a myriad of “characters” I’ve encountered over the years. They are tiresome, class clown, office joker twerps.

I know exactly the kind of face this guy has. They walk into a place and stand there, presenting themselves like, “Ta-da! Here I am! Let the fun commence!”

Dull.

eta - they also take great joy in trying to make out other people are behaving weirdly. The Chief Exec walked into the coffee area where a colleague was talking, completely reasonably. He literally nudged another colleague, saying, “Eh? Eh? What is she like?! Pontificating on!”

No Murray, she’s just talking normally. On the one occasion I did actually do something deliberately slightly bizarre, he was completely lost.

OP - maybe that’s a tactic? Try and out-weird him, I bet he won’t be able to cope.

Agree with all of this.

Your FIL sounds like an adult version of a child with additional needs, which is incredibly sad but understandably frustrating for you. They walk amongst us.

How can you stand being married to someone from a family like that?

It sounds horrendous and so bad for your mental health.

I think you need to cause mayhem and ban him from the house.

What have you got to lose?

Why? I would be going NC, not 'boosting my tolerance'.

morning but sympathy from me OP.

He sounds like my FIL.

Hence why we live in a different country. I refuse to visit. If they grace us with their presence, once a year, I leave and travel elsewhere. On purpose.

i no longer tolerate his bigoted / racist ranting hidden in a shroud or ‘Christianity’ and have told DH the kids are old enough to see him for who he really is.

I’ve also told DH that if he turns into his father, I’ll leave him. Non negotiable

Is he a bit simple OP? He sounds it.

If you've read all OP's posts and still think that, you sound as awful as he does.

You don't think he has done anything that bad? Not even this?

'At one point we were for a walk and there was a field ahead with cattle in. Signs up everywhere to keep dogs on leads. Well gated.

there was a couple behind us with a collie dog off lead and as we approached the gate they called there dog back. FIL then decided to distract the dog and open the gate … the dog flew through it - loose dog in a field full of cattle. I swear to god that bloke wanted to kill him. He got the dog back but was up in FILs face shouting and screaming at him asking why the fuck he did that. FIL antagonising pointing to his forehead saying “go on then” instructing the guy to headbut him. MIL was crying, the blokes wife started on me(!!!) but she was also crying - it was fucking awful and I feel like crying just talking about it.'

If I were OP, he'd never set foot in my house ever again.