FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Oh my god. Does he have learning difficulties OP? The entering places and just standing there thing would drive me insane - as if he's expecting some great reaction from everyone just by his mere presence.

Is there any chance of a very long cruise for him and MIL?

He sounds like the village idiot.,

His wife knows when to kick him out

This thread really should focus more on your husband's responsibilities to sort your FIL out though. What conversations have you had wuth him? Have you told him FILs visits are affecting your marriage?

OP, would your DH be open to moving house?

he sounds like Jim from Friday Night Dinner, except worse because he’s actually family 🤣

He sounds like a relative of DH's. Always playing the clown but annoying as fuck. He loves saying stupid shit to the kids and trying to embarrass them. They can't stand him, they're actually nervous and uncomfortable around him now as they just don't know what he's going to come out with.

I would have to move.

Assume you’re the one dealing with him every morning because your (useless) husband has gone to work?

Hopefully he has some time off over the summer? Get up early, get out of the house and leave him to deal with the kids and his father. Over and over and over again until he understands how incredibly fucking irritating he is.

God, I have secondhand rage on your behalf.

Sorry @Sovereigns i can’t imagine how irritating this must be for you but the don’t talk to strangers advert comment really made me laugh 😂😂.

The things don't sound that bad-opened wine on video? Now if he'd made a load of offensive comments about how he wishes his son hadn't married you because you're a (any hate words like whore, the "wrong" colour etc), I'd get it Stupid face? He can't really help that you don't like how he looks. It's good he wants to see his family and grandchild, and maybe welcome him-he was maybe scared to ask about where to put the cake tub if you're always shouting at him.
Maybe there's more to it, but compared to a lot of dads who never see family/have drug/alcohol issues/make discriminatory comments, it doesn't sound that bad that he asked for some cake.
If you don't like him coming straight in, it's fine to say, but for a lot of people, it's quite normal to be informal and walk in, so there's no need to act like he's that bad.
Invite him cheerfully, make him feel welcome by talking about how happy you are he plays with your kids, give him some jobs so he feels useful and you get a break.
Do you get on with MIL if she's on the scene?

Start a petition and get everyone to sign it, calling for him to submit for a personality transplant because he is getting g on everyone’s tits. Once signed by all and sundry, put it through the door.

Flooding the bathroom and making an “hilarious” reference to missing his fisherman days, then leaving OP to clean up.
the whole dog in the cow field episode
the wrecking of OPs neighbours fence
With these three examples alone I can’t understand how posters can draw any kind of equivalence between OPs behaviour and her FILs.

Yup, he's a mmixture of harry enfield's "only me", alan partridge, and the fast show's Colin Hunt.

These annyoing idiotic characters aren't just made up, they are based on reality.

Was he able to explain why he let this dog into a field of cattle?

OP from reading all your posts, this and the dog one (he could've got that dog seriously hurt!). It sounds like he’s doing it on purpose, winding people up for a reaction. He surely cant be that un self aware!

What age is your FIL?

Part of me feels sorry for him if his wife really is asking him to leave the house for a few hours so she has peace and he spends hours walking around local shops acting like a pest and then goes to your house.

Your DH needs to speak to him and tell him he can't just pop in whenever he feels like it. But it would be helpful if he offered some alternatives like walking groups in the area or fitness clubs that he could spend an hour or two at every morning.

In the meantime, change up your routine so you aren't there when he calls around. And lock the doors!

ETA You sound really silly yourself about the wedding video. a) it could have been edited out b) it absolutely wasn't the ruination of your wedding video.

It's pretty obvious he has learning difficulties and some of the replies on here are not nice at all. I don't think he has done anything that bad. The OP sounds a far worse person

It amused him, just see what would happen. He has no concept of consequences because he never takes responsibility. He has no concept of how he affects others, literally no empathic traits. It's fairly common in very autistic people (who have never been held accountable for an easy life).

Gosh he can’t predict, he can’t communicate, he has rigid behaviours…you all need support to manage his behaviour. You have a full plate OP - I totally understand x

I don’t know why everyone is trying to psychoanalyse him. What you’ve got there is an original Grade A Prick and there is no cure.

I would be saying to your husband that you are moving and it’s up to him whether or not he comes with you. Only problem is if he has a car you’d need to move at least an hour away and then what if they moved too? But hopefully if he’s lived in one place all his life he wouldn’t. I genuinely couldn’t stand living like this and I’m not joking when I say I’d rather divorce than put up with this in my house daily.

My DH would always excuse my MIL’s behaviour, ‘oh you know what she’s like’, ‘just ignore it’. Until I snapped. I’d had enough of being made to feel small and that my feelings or opinions never mattered. So I’ve stopped all contact with her unless absolutely necessary, she doesn’t visit my house if I’m there. Life is so peaceful now I’ve created that boundary. I’ve threatened to leave.

Your DH will see his behaviour as normal, it’s up to you to create a boundary.

Bloke living near me is a bit like this. The other day I was reversing into a tight spot and when I turned back to the front (having been looking over my left shoulder) he was suddenly at my window, one hand holding the door (the window was all the way down, his hand over where it retracts into) grinning at me and he said “think your L plates have fallen off”. Then stood there, holding my car, like he expected a medal or something.
W⚓️, and there’s so many of them around. Half this bollocks is saved for women, too. They often don’t try it on men.

Sympathy OP. I hope you find a way to keep him out.

He gets aggressive with people, has the table manners of an orang-utan, nearly caused carnage in a field of livestock and thought flooding a bathroom was funny. 'Not that bad'?

It wouldn't bother me, he just sounds a bit socially awkward. I don't think it's deserving of you saying you can't stand the look of him and that he ruined your wedding video.

Why can’t you just tell your DH to tell him you’re busy so only to come round when he’s in? Why are you putting up with this?

Why are so many people convinced he's ND and not just a massive knob? Some people are just knobs. OP you have my fervent sympathies.

He purposely distracted a strangers dog and then let it into a field of cattle, knowing full well the owners were trying to call it back to them.

Also knowing full well it wasn't allowed in there because of the sign and because of common sense.

The dog could've been injured or killed.

He sounds like the “its only a joke lighten up” type of person but will zero self awareness, zero care and thought for others. With a touch of nasty.