FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Sounds like my ex husband. Liked to think he was so funny and ‘edgy’, but as soon as challenged the mask would drop and the nasty, aggressive reality was revealed.
examples - shaving the eyebrow of my DS3’s best friend who was also the son of one of my closest friends
when getting a takeout pouring everyone’s food in a big pile in the middle to ‘share’
waving a lobster in my mum’s face when she said she didn’t like the practice of boiling them alive

he was also pissed off his chuff on these occasions, but the violent, angry reactions when called out

having panicked flashbacks now, he really did these things

Oh My God, OP. Your FIL is by no means, well what shall I say: normal. Sorry but he sounds weird beyond belief.

Classic but true MN response here. You have a MAJOR, massive DH problem. What can or will you do?

Faced with your situation I can honestly say the first time my FIL had done this would have been the last.

I work with a young lad who is 'wacky,loud and crazy'

He's not,he's just a dickhead

He is autistic (which explains a bit but not the rest)

He will do his best to wind people up and then stand smirking and protesting his innocence when someone finally snaps (he sang 'all things bright and beautiful' for well over 4 hours the other day,just for the fun of getting on everyone's nerves and when that failed,he followed people around saying 'my dads a millionare' over and over again,(hes not-hes on benefits) was told to 'fuck off' and then he cried over the 'bullying')

His family are very protective of him because he's autistic but that's just given him a ticket to be a twat and not take the rap for it

One lad snapped at him and got into trouble for bullying-he wasn't bullying anyone but had (rightly) had enough of being poked,prodded,flicked by dickhead on repeat (he can repeat himself for hours-the same sentence for hours)

Dickhead is lucky he didn't end up in the floor as the lad in question does karate as his hobby

He's not a 'card','wacky' or 'crazy',he's just an annoying twat with an enabling family who will come in and kick off if (when) dickhead goes crying to them

The only reason he's not started on me is because he's scared of my dp

He's got an interview next week and all of us are praying he gets the job

Doing what fil did with the dog is exactly what he'd have done and then played the innocent when confronted

Some people shouldn't be allowed out in public

i would demand to move or bar him from the house

A good case study to show why you should never live within walking distance of any relative under any circumstances.

Unfortunately you’ve already made that mistake so to rectify it you need to move.

You have to move OP. Literally the only thing that will stop him is your DH threatening him with death or his actual death. I thought my FIL was awful. He sounds great in comparison to yours. You have my sympathy.
Seriously look at moving. Seriously. Not joking. Your marriage will be affected. You have to tell your DH that his marriage needs it even if his parents will be bloody sad.

I was thinking this, his behaviour is odd, although I understood his comment it was a very childish way to say it. Could he be developing dementia, there is a certain early onset type, Picks disease, that manifests with fatuous behaviour

He walks in standing there silently holding out 5 quid notes?

I think that's one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard.

Offer him a red nose, yard long shoes and a clown wig next time.

Bless his heart he sounds like the local pariah, very sad that he appears to have no insight, and of course everyone is too polite to tell him. What an awful situation for you Op, but I can't see any resolution really, I still feel this may be the onset of dementia, but I hope not.

Yep! He’s not just irritating, he’s actually destructive.

He sounds like a Harry Enfield character

I am married to the man I dated at 18. Completely normal. Sounds like MIL just got unlucky.

Oh wow I feel you OP. The way I feel about my FIL is exactly the same, he is incredibly annoying in a lot of similar ways.

Then you need to have a frank discussion with your husband and privacy and boundaries. Maybe insist on moving at least five miles away.

Lord alive. This man sounds like a less fun, real life version of Terry Fuckwit. I can only imagine that he actively enjoys winding people up.

Having to deal with someone you dislike is purgatory, but having to deal with someone you dislike who just walks into your house is hell. We all have to try, especially with a FIL, but there comes a point where you just have to admit ‘I don’t like this person, and I’m not prepared to act as if I do.” HE won’t change. HE probably thinks he’s a loveable character. Prats like that always do.

I had a neighbour who thought he was hilarious (he wasn’t). Zero respect for boundaries. Zero ability to sense when he was pi*sing me off. Every time I set foot outside my back door he was there, grinning and making stupid jokes. In the end I was SO f-ing rude that he got the message.

Oh no ! One of those “ oh he’s such a character “
that’d drive me round the bend

Also, who says 'I've brayed my bonce?' Is this some local vernacular I am not familiar with? I've never heard anyone actually use the word bonce in my life and as for 'brayed' in this context...no clue.

You need a big handwritten notice taped to the front and back door. "No Cold Callers - Including Family. No admittance without prior arrangement".

A visit daily is far too often. Weekly is more than ample for your FIL

Is there any down time? Does FiL ever sit quietly reading or watching tv? Does he ever have thoughtful conversations? Is his every waking moment one in which he is always making jokes, funny voices etc? Has he been this way his whole life? No serious moments ever?
TBH, is sounds as if he has a combination of mental health conditions. It's baffling how he managed to engage in a romantic relationship in order to get married, raise a family, interview for a job and carry out tasks.

At first when you said he stood there grinning, I thought you meant like the village idiot but i’m getting the impression he stands there grinning like he thinks he’s the centre of attention. Sort of ‘hey hey. And here I am…’

Is that right?

These knobheads always like to 'entertain' the kids but kids grow tired of it too as the knobheads only want their attention

We had a neighbour like that when we were kids

Fifty years on my brother and I were reminiscing and both mentioned what a knob head he was

I feel a little sorry for him. But then I never had a fil. He died before we got together.