FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Urgh threads like this bring out the insufferable “be kind” virtue signallers.

Have him in your house every day then.

Why should the OP have to find an unwanted obnoxious twat something to do? That's ridiculous, she's not his mother

Lock the door, close the curtains and try and ignore him

Anyone who calls a slice a cake a lump sounds a bit soft in the head

Ha! When I read that phrase I knew exactly which city FiL comes from!

Sorry, OP. I'm not sure, short of moving house, what you do with a person whose skin is as thick as this. But you have my full sympathies. He'd drive me round the bend too.

I'm afraid he's a silly old sod. A lot of families have them. Its usually a batty old uncle.
Sometimes the kids love them. As they get older the kids find them tiresome.

The silly old sod that I knew had lots of excuses made for him. People used to say he was a card, wasnt he funny. No he wasn't.

Luckily, I didn't see my silly old sod very often. I remember my sister telling him off at my wedding. They always pretend they don't know what they're doing wrong. I find that hard to believe.

You need to have a conversation with your husband. Tell him how you feel.

My silly old sod is dead now. I didnt attend his funeral. I wasn't particularly sad. His nearest and dearest were.
I suppose I am a bad person.

He sounds as though he is "on the spectrum". This is an issue for your husband to sort out.

After reading about the holiday, I think he'd be good in a sitcom

Oh god. I used to know someone like this. Acting like a naughty child, except a naughty child wouldn't do such stupid things, and then expecting everyone to just laugh it off and humour him. So weird.

I think you have to stop him coming to your house every day. Once a week / month / year maybe. Just awful. Your DH has to stop him. Surely he must see how awful this all is

The dog thing is mind boggling

Op what language is he speaking about lumps and bounces ?

@Sovereigns Good grief the holiday update😱.

Well your description has irritated the fuck out of me! So much so that even i feel guilty!! Seriously he does sound like he has learning disabilities? Do you feel bad being mean?

Christ on a bike! I'm not particularly fond of my FIL either, but at least he restricts himself to being the planet's most crashing know-it-all bore.

(Although he did once manage to destroy a shed door which opened inwards, by trying to open it the wrong way with such force that it broke out of the frame, came off the hinges and the glass pane was smashed! He then left it for me to clear up.)

Can you put him in a barrel and fire him into the sun OP?

Don't they just. I think that they should all have to volunteer to take the annoying person for 24 hours, then see how they felt about the situation.

The dog thing was incredibly dangerous. Cows often kill strange dogs, and sometimes their owners.
Imagine if it had been sheep!

I doubt anyone in the family will agree that he is neuro diverse. He certainly won't.

Just accept my diagnosis that he is a silly old sod. Part of being a silly old sod is attention seeking.

Try to take the kids out at times when he may appear. You need to get out a bit. So do the kids

Id have killed him by now.

I have somebody in the wider family that is exactly like this. They are drawing attention to themselves. 'look at me everybody'. They also like to video or take pictures of the people in embarrasing circumstances. I remember him passing around a photo of somebody who they caught picking their nose. They think they're clever or cool but the reality is there is a total lack of empathy, so a flawed personallity

It’s very revealing how he turned nasty the minute the dog owner made it clear they didn’t appreciate his jolly jape with the cows. He depends on everyone tolerating his bullshit and being too nice to tell him to fuck off. The antics at mealtimes would’ve been enough for me tbh.

Some of those later stories are giving me psychopath who loves to create drama and misery with a facade of funny oblivious man. He doesn't sound like he's oblivious when he's dripping paint over someone's fence or nearly getting a dog trampled so he can have a fight.

Bit like the kid in We need to talk about Kevin.

I thought initially that he was desperate to be liked with all his stupid grins and handing out sweets and money to the kids, but after the confrontations with the dog owners and the neighbour, it seems obvious that actually he doesn't care about people's approval and possibly even gets off on being a dick, which kind of makes it worse.

Lock your back door- no one should be able to walk into your house, just as they please , if they are not part of your immediate family.

I managed to stop my FIL turning up unannounced by having a tit out (BF) one time he turned up.

Omg. He's awful 😖

My god I feel for you, just reading your post is anger inducing. Are you in the Midlands? I've met a few middle/old men in this area who behave in a similar fucking infuriating way, and always think they are funny. Any advice I would give has been covered, you have my sincere sympathy,he's a bastard and knows exactly what he's doing.

Why don’t you tell him to stop coming round and if he asks why, just tell him you he is annoying you with his weird northern dr bean stupidity. You’ve nothing to lose. He might even take offence and refuse to see you again 😜

Even if i absolutely loved someone, I wouldn’t want them coming round every day… how can anyone thinks this is ok. He sounds really annoying. Not sure what to suggest but I totally feel your pain! Good luck!

Oh I feel your pain, that would annoy the hell out of me.

My (now deceased) FIL was a bit like that. He annoyed me more than anyone has EVER annoyed me. I realise now (a) he was probably on the spectrum; (b) he was a smart arse; (c) he didn’t like the fact he couldn’t control my DH anymore after we married; (d) he was like my DH but I couldn’t see the irritation from him then when I was pre-menopausal (but do now 🤦🏻‍♀️😂). He had to be the centre of attention, make a joke about everything, and be right about everything.

I got to the point where I realised my anger towards him only harmed me and that I couldn’t make him less annoying so I purposefully tried really hard to laugh it off / realise that I couldn’t control or change him being a knob (remember your circle of control!) / let it slide. I used to just walk away or try and laugh it off at how annoying he was - that helped a lot!

But, the first thing I think that would help you is to have control over when he is allowed to enter your space so that’s over to your DH - he’s got to speak to him and sort out when he’s allowed to come to your house. That in itself would drive me insane - there is nothing more annoying than annoying people invading your space, turning up uninvited and being unable to control when you’re exposed to it, and especially first thing in the morning.

Good luck with it all - keep us updated and stay cool (it’s so hard but it will be worth it)! And see if someone can edit your wedding video to ‘snip’ out the wine bottle part xx