FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

I don't disagree but if her husband doesn't support her it will escalate and so she has a husband problem.

OP, how can your MIL endure this man? Married to him since they were teenagers? He makes her cry and she shouts at him all the time - sounds utterly miserable. Surely she would be much happier alone.

He is getting away with murder so I think it’s time you made a bit of a nuisance of yourself op. Tell your DH it is seriously affecting you and you can’t take much more. Ask him what is prepared to do to save your sanity.

She is not mean! Would you happily put up with all that?

Have you tried kneeing him REALLY HARD in the nuts? Two or three times should do it, I'd have thought...

How about capitalising on his awkwardness: start a YouTube channel "Fil from hell" starting with him banging on your windows in the morning. Do this until you have your fuck off funding set to leave the town with your kids and your dh (unless he wants to stay with his crazy father).

This sounds absolutely awful honestly. I'd be issuing an ultimatum to my DH. I now have a new appreciation for my polite, considerate and interesting FIL !

He sounds annoying and god knows, he’d get on my tits as well. But I feel a bit sorry for him as it sounds like he has no idea how to communicate with other people in any meaningful and not annoying way.

She throws him out.

So you throw him out saying it's not convenient.

Yes. Do it.

Then if there's a problem you have 'enough to tell him to fuck off'.

I’ve just read the updates, and it’s obvious he’s no ordinary fuckwit. Time to escalate to Defcon 1, op, launch all missiles, scorch the fucking earth he stands on. He’s going to have to be told, plainly and repeatedly until it sinks into his dim“bonce” to fuck off out of your house and don’t come back until he’s learned to behave.

”Let’s play the fuck off game, shall we? You go first”

What have you got to lose? Nobody likes him - if you told him to fuck off in front of an audience, I bet you’d get a round of applause.

How did this man even get married??

Both of them were very young from the sounds of things. I shudder to imagine being married to anyone I dated at 18.

That’s exactly what I was thinking @viques .
This thread is giving me flashbacks to a student teacher I had to mentor years ago. God he was hard work. Very similar to the sorts of things that OP describes. I had a class of 35 Yr 3’s at the time. No TA support either in those days. All of the children in that classroom with their individual needs were a dream compared to that one man. At one point one of the children had to remind him not to interrupt me when I was speaking to the whole class 😂.

That is way more serious behaviour than in your OP.

This thread really should focus more on your husband's responsibilities to sort your FIL out though. What conversations have you had wuth him? Have you told him FILs visits are affecting your marriage?

or just 'Please shut up FIL, that's a weird and annoying thing to say/do and it's guaranteed to piss people off"

ETA: I mean, he's clearly ND, but he'll only learn with BIG SIGNALS.

I speak as someone surrounded by family ND.

if that holiday update doesn’t silence the “poor FIL” brigade I don’t know what will. What is he getting out of this behaviour?

We have an elderly neighbour who’s very similar. He’s a widower and we, (all the neighbours), try to help out, but he’s unbearable now! His own kids never ever visit.

You could do a podcast lke my dad wrote a porno. All the irritating shit he does, collect all the stories from people in your town.

Make money and it could be very cathartic for you.

Have a massive argument with him and don’t make up !!!

OP, there’s something to like about everyone. Can you try to connect in some way? The relationship you have isn’t sustainable.

OMG just read holiday update and my BP is rocketing..

Why don't you tell him directly what you can tolerate. He's rude and socially awkward so don't sugar coat it.
"Derrick, I can't be doing with you letting yourself in, knocking on the door or windows. It's rude and intrusive. Come over on Saturday at 11am, DH is free then. Don't come over apart from then"

What a funny expression. We learn something new every day.
You do have my sympathies though.

This. Your DH definitely needs to sort this out

Have you tried speaking to him about his behaviour? Have you spoken to your husband about your FIL?

If it was me, that would be my 1st point of call.

I understand how you feel. I have an Uncle Knobhead who irritates everyone with this sort of nonsense. He can't stop himself from trying to be amusing in a "What am I like? I'm mad, me" way.

Set some solid rules. Your husband needs to tell him when he can visit, according to what works for you.