FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Sorry for laughing but that's hilarious 😂😂😂

He sounds very lonely. I think your DH needs to address the boundaries and, if he’s able, tackle other ways to help him with connection and loneliness.

Someone asked about the holiday.

it was a cottage in Northumberland. We arrived at the Airbnb and he immediately started showing off to the owner, using the ridiculous dialect that she clearly didn’t understand (like calling birds “bods” etc).
It was embarrassing and MIL shouted at him to stop talking like an Arab (again making no sense whatsoever not to mention sounding very racist).
The owner left and the first thing he did was sit on the couch and say “any danger of a cuppa?” MIL shouted “she hasn’t even taken her coat off yet” which implied that I was to be the maid for the entire holiday. He got a shower that night and left the shower door open completely flooding the bathroom then when he was called out on it he said he just missed his fisherman days (no concern at all for the mess or damage). Wet towels slung all over the floor. Later deliberately making a mess with his dinner, MIL constantly shouting at him, him constantly grinning like a naughty little boy. The whole holiday was like this.
At one point we were for a walk and there was a field ahead with cattle in. Signs up everywhere to keep dogs on leads. Well gated.
there was a couple behind us with a collie dog off lead and as we approached the gate they called there dog back. FIL then decided to distract the dog and open the gate … the dog flew through it - loose dog in a field full of cattle. I swear to god that bloke wanted to kill him. He got the dog back but was up in FILs face shouting and screaming at him asking why the fuck he did that. FIL antagonising pointing to his forehead saying “go on then” instructing the guy to headbut him. MIL was crying, the blokes wife started on me(!!!) but she was also crying - it was fucking awful and I feel like crying just talking about it.

@Sovereigns sorry, I thought his was Step-Dickheaddad.🤦🏻‍♀️
Keep reinforcing your boundary.
Doors locked and any hammering on windows gets him nowhere other than reported to the police.
Your DH needs to sit him (and his mum tbh) down and tell either/both of them to stop. Just stop. No more childish spit-take in front of the kids who will copy the wanker, no more banging on doors and windows.
They can visit when they're invited.
OR you really will get the estate agents to value the house and move far away.

Can you give him jobs to do- hello John, here's my shopping list, off you pop. Hello John, just run the duster round the living room and fold the washing?. Seriously, your DH has to have a word about prearranged visits, timing and being a help not a hindrance.

He sounds like the 13 yo class clown who acts up to get attention. Only he’s not 13 any more and he was never that funny.

Why not get into a new routine? Be out every AM. Take the kids to the park, anything. It’s ok to be sick of him and his ways but not great to be rude or bully him. Don’t let yourself down OP. Something has to give but why not just say no visits for a week then tell him what day. Preferably when you’re out and DH can take one for the Team.

I agree. He sounds annoying but I feel quite sorry for him as he’s not actually done anything wrong. Your DH needs to tell him to ask before coming round or something

I tried that, I asked him to paint the fence, he then started an argument with the neighbour as he’d let paint drip all down their side of the fence (which they had freshly painted). Instead of apologising he got all sarcastic and it caused a big row.

@Sovereigns OK, after the holiday - just no.
He makes an appointment.
Tell DH to tell him - this way or nothing.

After the holiday up date I can't blame her for not wanting the fuck wit in her house.

He sounds very trying and clearly socially awkward. Aside from moving, the only real solution is changing your attitude toward him. When he stands there saying nothing, take the lead and talk to him. Say hello. Ask how he is.

Then, put him to work! Can he watch the kids while you do chores? Is he handy around the house? Can he run a quick errand for you?

And when you really don't feel like company, simply say, "Really busy today. Can you drop by tomorrow?"

Ah, what a surprise! The jolly little cheeky chappy turns into a nasty cunt when he doesn't get his own way or gets called out on his shit. I am amazed that dog owner didn't deck him. What he did was stupid and dangerous and the dog owner would have been responsible for any damage his dog did (if the cattle hadn't injured or killed it). I am a landowner with livestock and I would have gone through him for a shortcut if I had seen him do that.

Get your DH told. He's not amusing, he's not even likeable, and while you will tolerate him for the sake of family harmony, you are only going to do it in small doses, not every fucking day.

Edited to say: I can see why your MIL is a bit mean. He's probably driven her to insanity.

Yeah, but she isn't, and I am getting secondhand annoyance on her behalf with all the mealy mouthed 'be kind' prats.

My experience of awful in laws is that you are only rid of them due to death or divorce.
You have my sympathies. Hopefully he will get trampled by a herd of cows.

I thought this too. He sounds lonely. Almost searching for meaning. Can't be very nice to be booted out of your own house.

Some of OPs comments sound unkind to me. I work for a charity group and loads of retired people come to our shops just to speak to someone..we don't dislike them. The smiling on the video could easily be edited and removed. Saying no unannounced visits is easy ..smiling, grinning can be meant well

"Don't do that, FIL, it's really [fucking] annoying. You need to find another way of being with people because, as previously, it's really fucking annoying. Talk like a normal human being, this is not some weird music hall performance, just talk normally to us otherwise no-one will want to spend time with you."

Got to be worth a try?

This. I would lure him into a field with an angry bull and let nature take its course.

Almost getting the dog killed. That would do me in. That is horrendous. Hadn't read that before I posted above.

Have you read all OP's posts? He is an unsufferable buffoon. This is from her latest post:

'I went for a job interview once and he kept going on and on asking if I’d heard anything and he didn’t believe me that I hadn’t so he actually rang the company up to check if I was lying. I never did hear from them after that.

He told the woman in the shop that I was suffering from postnatal depression (I wasn’t and if I was I wouldn’t have wanted it to be become the local gossip!!)

He pretends to choke on his drinks and spits them out everywhere before declaring that he needs a life guard (the kids laughed the first time so now he does it all the time)'

He is in her house every single day saying and doing utterly stupid things. If you say that it wouldn't bother you, you'd be lying.

I’m so sorry, OP, but your post has literally made me cry with laughter, and your follow up about him banging on the windows. 😂 But,oh God, in real life it must be absolutely unbearable. No you are not being unreasonable. Sorry for laughing. You have a great way of putting it into writing. Good luck.

😳

It sounds like his superpower is being a complete asshole and pissing everyone around him off.

I know someone like this. He's super intelligent and a highly skilled professional but has sub zero social skills. Married to a friend. If I visit he just interrupts with random banal stuff or launches a monologue on something like classic cars.
His wife is a saint but adores him.

Both my fil have been adorable and didn't cross any boundaries what so ever.Your fil sounds deranged tbh.