FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Perhaps he actually brayed his bonce big time once and this has affected his behaviour and total lack of social awareness.
Poor you @Sovereigns dealing with him and getting no support from your husband.

Crikey 🙄

I knew someone just like this,but she's female and I met her through work

I was nice to her (as its my job) and she started acting just like this

She would come in,look around for me and if I wasn't in that day,she'd leave but if I was in,she'd follow me around,not letting me speak to others and making a pest of herself

She would stand and shout at my colleagues,demanding they give me a promotion (I nearly lost my job because of her)

Then (somehow) she found where I lived-so if I wasn't at work,she'd come to my house

Shed act exactly how this fil acts-she'd hammer on the door until someone opened it and stand on the doorstep,grinning at us while offering us toys/sweets/money (I'm told by a neighbour that she hammered on our door for about 4 hours but we'd gone away for the weekend and wasn't in,if the neighbour hadnt told her we'd gone away,she'd possibly still be there)

We would draw the curtains and blinds (partner worked nights at the time and not seeing daylight was starting to affect his health) and sit in the dark all day just to avoid her but she'd come back-even better if the car was on the drive-she knew we where in but refused to take the hint

She finally got it when she walked up to me at work with her usual collection of toys/sweets and money and I walked off

She started screaming at the wrong colleague and he told her to 'shut up and fuck off or i'll phone the police!this is borderline stalking'

She was stunned but she did and I've never seen her again (she did follow dp and his mate through town about 3 months later,but gave up after about 15 minutes)

I should have had firmer boundaries (reformed people pleaser) and just told her to fuck off but she scared the fuck out of me

With fil,you need to tell him straight to do one (I know how hard that is!)

Or move away/create a new patio space

Maybe nasty MIL used to be a really nice person but years of this behaviour have driven all the niceness out of her.

How so? You accused the OP of being 'venomous' towards him, when the poor woman is clearly at the end of her rope. The only thing I would say is that some of the anger that she feels towards her FIL would maybe be better directed towards her husband, as he should be dealing with his father. However, it is more than understandable for her to not allow herself to feel anger at her husband, as that is more raw and damaging. There are so many perfect people on here who think she should just suck it up, and I'm saying no. She doesn't have to.

I feel your pain my FIL had the same affect on me. My MIL was an angel. He was a sexist misogynistic know it all. I had an open back door he made a point of knocking then being offended if I was down the end of the garden. Practically everything he did and said annoyed me. I am really good at DIY but I used to distract him with jobs, I dont think you could find a job for everyday!!! He was a beloved Grandfather though. Can you send him to the shops or park with the kids? Can you move???

I know 2 people like this. It's autistic spectrum / personality disorder. A complete inability to understand normal social cues or behaviours. Get your DH to deal with him and have set visiting times when DH is around.

You lost me at the wedding video story. Wedding videos should have quirks not just perfection

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Well it's good that he took the hint so maybe if he won't text first you'll just have to say sorry, too busy, call your son to arrange a visit.

I've always found my ILs hard work.

If they just turned up I couldn't have coped, especially without husband there!

ÝANBU OP.

Your fil sounds like an insufferable twat.

I don’t know what it is about some men once they get older. Had an annoying drunk attention seeker on a day trip recently. Kept repeating pointless trivia, then spilt his drink, started treading on people’s feet and then decided he wanted to sing to entertain everyone. Absolute moron.

This is hilarious. It’s ok to be angry when someone is behaving as badly to you as her FIL.

If my ILs were barging into my home EVERY MORNING and standing there making “jokes” before I’ve even had a coffee, making my kids uncomfortable, and ringing up employers who I’ve had an interview with, telling people I have depression when I don’t… my blood would be boiling too, anyone’s would.

😂

Yeah right - dead easy that.

Choices @Sovereigns - crack on with it!

This bit also made me wonder why she can’t just ask the videographer to edit that bit out

Did you read the OP's other comments?

He sounds exhausting and he is probably relying on your good manners to not tell him to leave/shut up.

My bf's relative is like this. Constant attention seeking. He grins like a fool to get attention, feigns illness if someone really is sick, constantly interrupts, can never ever do anything right, claims he doesn't understand the simplest of things, makes a mountain out of nothing, his needs come first regardless of the circumstance. It's very wearing and some of his family tolerate it which makes him worse.

You need to lock your door and/or get your DH to sort him out each time.

100 miles is not far enough away!
Volunteer him for the one way mission to Mars??

He’s Uncle Knobby isn’t he, the one who is besties with the AI entertainment crew within an hour of arrival.
does he not have any other offspring to inflict this self-indulgent twattery on?

In some ways it's good he woke the baby as it's a tangible thing to get hold of, rather than your face is annoying.
So you need to sit him down and explain that you can't have this he needs to come every Saturday or when invited and if he turns up before "no John it's not Saturday", on repeat.

this

Let your husband know he needs to deal with his dad or you will and you won't be pulling any punches if he leaves it to you.

Yo, whatever your name is, this is not your hangout spot, this is my home. You come over uninvited and barge in without knocking, yell and wake the baby, ask me for food, and bang on my windows. It's fucking rude. I am sick of your behaviour. and this stops now.

Don't come over unless you are specifically invited.

Get some motion activated sprinklers too. He's hit peak Bitch Eatin Crackers for you and you only have to see his face and you're triggered. He fucked with your livelihood, stop telling him things and tell your husband to keep his yap shut about anything you do.

I became annoyed just reading your post.

Man needs an allotment. Though the allotment committee will probably expel him after a year or two. It would be a good patch though.

Dear God. The point isn't that they can't edit the video, it's that he does stupid annoying infuriating shit all the time.

This is AIBU not "sycophantically agree with me". The OP has lots of responses telling her she's not BU, she can stand a few that are suggesting she might be, a bit.