To not feed my children?

[DoggieNamechange]

They're 13 and 15. I work FT (largely from home) and do all housework and dog walking around that.

The past few weeks I've been getting them lunch when I break for mine but now they're getting up later and later. They've been up for an hour now and just hanging about in PJs.

I am not making them food - there is a full fridge / cupboards etc with stuff they like but they will just wait for me to crack and make them something. Am going to try and ride it out but all my maternal instincts are heading for the pannini press.

Surely most teens can do a sandwich?????

My kids would only ever get up that late if they were ill! The 12 year old is up by 7:30/8am at the latest, and the 15 year old somewhere between 8 and 9am if we have nothing on (and assuming they haven’t had a very very late night the night before). They do a lot of sports training in the evenings though so are tired when they come in between 9 and 10:30pm. we all like to get out and about down to the beach or doing something, so late mornings would never work for us as we live in a tourist hotspot so like to get up and out early and then home by the time all the tourists are on the roads.

I do make my boys their lunches most days as I am off work and making my own (or at least 50% of the time I make packed lunches as we are out at lunch time). A few times last week I was out with one of them and not the other over lunch, and so the one left at home made themselves their lunch. They tend to just do things like sandwiches or maybe beans / scrambled eggs on toast - certainly nothing that requires proper cooking, but they don’t go hungry. Because it’s the holidays some mornings I am cooking them breakfast at the moment but other days it’s just fend for themselves,!and they either have porridge, toast or cereal. Mine aren’t into cooking / baking at all and not very competent in the kitchen, but they can manage to make themselves lunch if required.

Mine are 13&16 and sort themselves out for breakfast and lunch. Even evening meals they sometimes do their own thing. If I’m making something specific for an evening meal and they don’t want it they can make something else. Sometimes my youngest will cook for us all. She’s actually very good and likes to throw things in pans and see what she comes up with. I’m a single parent and deciding what food to buy and make is the hardest thing in adulting.

Mine are 12 and 14 and do their own breakfast and lunch. They come to the shop with me and I tell them to put stuff for those meals into the trolley so they can’t complain there’s nothing to eat! I make bread in the bread maker and DS will often just have a wedge of that, followed by ham straight out of the packet and a piece of fruit, whereas DD will make quesadillas or a salad, but at least they get something nutritious.

It really isnt normal no. It suggests they are staying up very late, probably on screens.

Dont they have hobbies or holiday plans with friends? My nieces & nephews are this age & seem busy, one was paddleboarding with friends, another was playing friendlies with her netball friends & doing barre practice for a ballet exam, another is on a music summer program, the oldest is 16 and has been out looking for jobs and doing cat sitting all dummer for neighbours to earm a few quid so gets up of a morning to go feed 4 cats!

Teens are often starving all the time, I can distinctly remember being that age and eating a whole small uncut loaf dry on one occasion and a whole apple pie on another. I am a pretty good cook now. Just let them feed themselves, they are quite old enough to work out what to do and if a sandwich bored them they will sort out something different.

I will make my 16 yr old food if she’s up and I’m eating otherwise she’ll make herself a pasta dish or a tuna/chicken salad. She isn’t a sandwich type of person. If I had a 10 year old I’d probably make something at lunch and put it in the fridge for them to eat when they got up - otherwise mine would have snacked on rubbish.

If they're not working, why aren't they making your lunch? Over lockdown, friends with older children who were wfh had them sort the lunches/teas. Sadly I didn't have children early enough to benefit from this!
Obviously if your children have specific needs that is different, but you talk about them making themselves a sandwich, so surely they can make you one too?

From one perspective if you're doing your own why not do theirs if they are up & want food, then next time they make it for you. If not awake when you eat then don't bother. But from another perspective, I could not stand everyone in & out of kitchen all the time all the mess, using electricity etc. I was brought up to eat together as a family as a social occasion not everyone running around separately

Let them feed themselves! You are not even there you are at work (lock yourself in your workspace)

I don’t think every single breakfast lunch and dinner has to be a social occasion. We all eat our evening meal together but it’s not doing teenagers any favour making every meal for them so they never learn. And mine know to clear up their own mess, that’s part of it!

Tell them dinner is at 7 (or whatever) and if they wanted lunch they should have got up in time for breakfast. They should get out of bed and not expect to be waited on at any time of day. If you made them lunch at 12.30 just leave it out, of course. I wouldn't let them have random access to any food they like in the fridge, they will wreck your menu planning/shopping routine (and will eat all the nice, easy things, too).

How on earth did you manage NOT to transfer this life skill during the heady days of 2020 OP???

My now 12 yo did a flow chart of how to make a cup of tea & stuck it on the tiles beside the kettle so they could earn bonus points from time-to-time. Feeding themselves while we worked had far more motivation than that!

My teens often get up ridiculously late on the holidays, my elder three who are in their 30s now we're much the same except one. Some make themselves lovely food and some were/are bone idle . My nearly 17 year old (sen) ds is ridiculously proud that he recently learned how to put a sausage patty in the air fryer and fry himself and egg, so now he makes himself that in a roll. My daughter on the other hand, made her own chicken stock the other day to make various soups. I make lunch for anyone who is around when I make mine. They all seem to manage not to starve regardless.

Sorry I should have clarified, if we were all home we ate together. Give or take a weekend/school holidays lay in. But you get what I meant. Kids can learn to cook etc and have social skills & table manners if things are done as a family. All you see now is people glued to their screens no human interaction at all

At those ages my children were left a list of things to do when I went to work and more often than not they would prepare the evening meal, i didn’t care what time they got up (in school holidays) as long as the daily jobs had been done, your maternal instincts should be preparing them to be independent, they are taking you for granted

Because at 2.45 in the afternoon they’ve only been up an hour ?

I’ve always had a rule - that on school days or days when they’ve got something important on, I will make all of the meals and make sure they get decent food.

But weekends or any days where they’re not needing to go anywhere, then they’re more than capable of making their own food.
It’s a good life skill to learn too.

Obviously if I’m making something for myself most of the time it’s just easy to make something for them too, but if they’re not awake or not in then I just make myself food and they can get something when they’re hungry.

At that age I was expected to make dinner for the family at least once a week.

@DoggieNamechange My kids are younger (10 and 8), but I get where your coming from in regards to your kids being very busy. My eldest does a competitive sport, she spends a lot of time training each week as well as a lot of weekends competing. On top of that she is a keen actor and does two different acting lessons a week. My youngest loves everything and has so many different hobbies even I find it hard to keep track. They are so busy I do a lot of things for them that you might expect them to do themselves at their age. I do sometimes worry they're not learning certain life skills, but I want their down time to be just that. I also feel they're learning so much more from their hobbies. Competitive sport in particular teaches a child so many different life skills like perseverance and resilience, that might be different to packing your school bag, but are also very important.

They’re technically your children (as in off-spring) but they’re also young adults at 13 and 15. You do them (and yourself) a great disservice by not encouraging them to take on this small responsibility.
it also gives them the opportunity to learn how to make choices.
There are plenty of parents who regret pandering to their children when they were teenagers and find that as adults in their 30s and 40s those ‘children’ still expect mum to do everything for them.

They should be making YOU a sandwich!

I make my 5 year old make her sandwich for lunch... I would deffo make older kids do it.... (But I was always afraid hubby would have a seizure when alone with her and she would be hungry). She has been getting breakfast since 3.5 and lunch since 4.5.....

Perhaps they could get up earlier and make YOU something?!
of course they can get their own lunch but in my house they’d probably just snack on rubbish which would annoy me!

Definitely persevere and don’t make them any lunches - my 8 and 10 year olds make their own breakfasts and lunches every day, including packed school lunches during term time. I figured get them started early and make it normality - I couldn’t be doing with it every day once they’re physically capable of doing it safely! Start out how you can hold out is my motto!

I wouldn’t either OP. Mine are slightly younger than yours but perfectly capable of helping themselves out of the fridge or even cooking something while I’m in meetings
TBf they don’t usually ask, I find they’ve made something when my call finishes!