To not feed my children?

[DoggieNamechange]

They're 13 and 15. I work FT (largely from home) and do all housework and dog walking around that.

The past few weeks I've been getting them lunch when I break for mine but now they're getting up later and later. They've been up for an hour now and just hanging about in PJs.

I am not making them food - there is a full fridge / cupboards etc with stuff they like but they will just wait for me to crack and make them something. Am going to try and ride it out but all my maternal instincts are heading for the pannini press.

Surely most teens can do a sandwich?????

This annoys me so much as a work from home mum. If you were in a work place what would they do?
it annoys how on our break we are doing housework, seeing to other people and generally doing things we couldn’t possibly do if we were in work outside of home.
leave them to it, they’re old enough to decide themselves

Jesus, if I was working & my 2 lazy ass teenagers were still in bed at lunchtime, there’s no way on God’s green earth that I’d even consider stopping my job & making them lunch!! They’re perfectly capable of feeding themselves. In fact, in my house, they’d be making ME lunch!!

Because pandering to their every need is not preparing them for leaving home and doing things for themselves. No good bringing up children , who when they leave home , can't even make a sandwich. I actually taught mine to cook, use a washing machine and iron. It helps with their confidence knowing that they can do these things. Mum works full time, family is about helping each other. So she's absolutely right.

You aren't managing your children at all. They are 13 and 15 and need to have activities organized and expectations of their behaviour, one of which could very easily be that they get up in time to make lunch for the three of you together during the holidays.

I think the op's dc are perfectly old enough to do these things by themselves BUT it always amuses me about the dire warnings about how they will not cope when adults.

There are very few university students who could not learn to make a cup of tea or a sandwich in under 20 minutes. These really are not skills that require years of training.

Fine to ask your dc to get their own lunch, but the justification that is is some invaluable life skill is a bit OTT imo.

Mine are 15 and are more than capable of cooking so I leave them to it! If I’m making something I’ll offer them some but like you’ve said they sleep later etc so I’m not running around d pandering to them, but then they know they can make themselves something so equally they’re not relying on me to feed them.

There are very few university students who could not learn to make a cup of tea or a sandwich in under 20 minutes

sure you can always learn. Easier when you have done it step by step over many years though, and don't go from doing nothing to doing it all independently. I had a uni roommate whose mum had done it all, and she really struggled, as she had no idea how to cook anything, all her clothes were shrunk and pink due colour run after the first time she did her washing etc.

From September, DD is sharing a house with another student who cooks 2 meals on rotation because she doesn't know how to cook anything else. And one of those is putting frozen pizza in the oven.

Yes, of course you can learn as an adult, but the earlier you learn, and particularly if you can learn when there is someone to support in a non judgemental way (notes all the comments on here about why on earth a teen can't manage a cheese sandwich) and there is the space to experiment and get things wrong, the easier it is.

(DD has promised to teach her future housemate how to cook some different meals. So IMO she's doing the task that the housemate's own parents didn't bother with).

My uni flatmate taught me to cook, I was mortified when I arrived at uni and was the only one who couldn't cook. 22 years later and I'm still not confident.

I would be delaying my lunch and asking them to make me a sandwich. Or at least a cup of tea. Let them feel useful.

Teens are perfectly capable of feeding themselves especially if they're hungry.

OP, you really don't have to cater for them. I'm actually a bit gobsmacked that a 13 year old has only just learned to make a cold sandwich.

Well that's kind of your DD but I really struggle to see how students struggle THAT much, I mean it says on the packet how to put the pizza in the oven! Preheat to x, leave x long!

Beans on toast? Pasta with pesto?

I mean students have A levels, they must have a basic level of ability to backsolve the processes.

Eggs, I will admit, can be tricky. I even have the occasional one go wrong now if I'm not concentrating. But things that are just heat or boil really can't be that elusive, surely...

Or they never leave home
sleep all day, game all night, never lift a finger in the house and get meals on wheels delivered. Never work a single day of paid employment.
like my STBXH 23 year old, one of the reasons he’s ex. I have not brought up my own children to be hard working, independent and aware of the need to do things for others, to then have to put up with this shit for the rest of my life, and I have no respect for his father for enabling it

This is completely wrong! Lots of university students are completely at sea when it comes to household tasks and basic self-care and struggle massively because of it.

I'm a bit baffled as to how! I can understand laundry, but beans on toast?

If you've never heated up beans before it is going to be very easy to put them on too high a heat, go off and butter the toast and find they have burnt.

DD had a flatmate that didn't know how to cook spaghetti. And then, when she had cooked it, she didn't know how to drain it. These things are not as obvious as you think if you have never seen them done.

They must have lived in homes where no-one was doing it, surely? I mean if you see someone drain spaghetti, its incredibly easy to fill in the gaps around what is going on.

Whole families living on Uber eats?!

A lot of students these days have been pampered both because quite a lot of families have a LOT of money and access to services and also because times have changed. I don't get it either but all our children have encountered many almost pathologically "unable to conceive of self-care" students

I can’t stand lying in bed all day. I know I sound like a real old biddy but I think its lame and breeds terrible habits. Thankfully my DD is the same and naturally wakes up about 6-7am.

I know we are always being told its natural for teenagers but I think its a pretty modern concept. Teenagers need sleep, but they also miss so much if they’re sleeping away daylight hours.

Nobody needs to be in bed at 2pm, unless they are ill or jet lagged. I would raise merry hell if someone did that in my house.

I’ve heard this, I hate it too. Even worse, “needs gone”, mainly written on chavvy Facebook marketplace posts.

I would imagine (based on the fact that OP even started this thread) that there are plenty of families where the mum (and yes, it's going to be the mum) cooks the dinner and calls everyone when it's on the table and no one else actually sees the assembly bits.

I often wonder the same about families who have cleaners and DD tells me that plenty of her fellow students have literally no idea how to clean. And no, not just the male students.

If you are doing yourself lunch then why wouldnt you do others in your house.

If this is an issue - can you have a conversation with them to expect them to get up and be a part of the world?

Because they are still in bed.

Yes but as @Bellaboo01 has suggested, why not tell them when lunch is and have them get up!

They are old enough to make their own, but it does seem a bit fractured everyone being in the family home and preparing and eating their food separately. As OP has said that her DD doesn't make good choices, this would be my preference. Holidays are a good time to make sure everyone is eating really healthily and also to enjoy eating together.

I realise people are saying it is good for them to learn, but maybe just involve them. I really cannot believe that if a teen has even watched someone make a sandwich/boil pasta/heat some soup etc, they can't extrapolate that across when they go out into the Great Unknown! I don't know what is going in these homes where food is presented as a fait accompli. Maybe constant takeaways! Our dc are always gathering in our kitchen and hovering as we prepare.