To not feed my children?

[DoggieNamechange]

They're 13 and 15. I work FT (largely from home) and do all housework and dog walking around that.

The past few weeks I've been getting them lunch when I break for mine but now they're getting up later and later. They've been up for an hour now and just hanging about in PJs.

I am not making them food - there is a full fridge / cupboards etc with stuff they like but they will just wait for me to crack and make them something. Am going to try and ride it out but all my maternal instincts are heading for the pannini press.

Surely most teens can do a sandwich?????

Stand your ground. If they are hungry they will eat eventually. You are not unreasonable & they are certainly old enough to get their own food.

They should be offering to make you your lunch! People are lazy because they’re allowed/enabled to be.

My two are similar ages and this is really the first holiday I’ve stopped making lunches for them. I’ve been teaching the 16 year old how to make some of the things I like for a WFH lunch like couscous, omelettes, wraps etc, and he’s experimenting a bit. Younger one prefers instant noodles, or pita and houmous, or Heinz tomato soup. But at least they are eating and at least sometimes they clean up after themselves too!

I’m in this position too OP but I don’t WFH every day. When I do - I generally make lunch or DH does if he’s home and we eat together (if they haven’t got up very late). When I’m in the office I’ve been making sure I have stuff in or instructing them to go to the shop and pick up a few bits. I leave a few options and make sure I tell them “today there is xyz in the fridge, you could make this or that” they are mid teens but they do need a bit of direction. Mine do anyway!

I was at home yesterday so I supervised DS making an omelette and cooked him a few waffles to go with it.

I wouldn’t be allowing mine to lie in until 2pm though unless they were ill or jet lagged.

My mum would have woken me up if I ever slept past 12 (usually earlier) even if it's the holidays 😅

Going to sound really old here. Lie in until 2pm no way my father used to play Beethovens 5th on full volume at 830 at the weekend if we weren't up. At 10 I made my bed plus my brother and sisters, i could make a shepherds pie and other easy dishes when my mum worked late, I could do a small food shop and fill in the figures on a check, i could boil and wash my sisters nappies, catch a bus to another part of London. I had my kids late 80s and early 90s I didnt make them do anything apart from teach them to cook. They are all wonderful cooks but so untidy. My grandchildren are even worse totally helpless. My Mother started full time work at 14. Children today cant seem to do anything for themselves.

TBH in those circumstances I'd do it. It isn't a huge chore and I wouldn't want mine eating nutella every lunch.

If you let them make it themselves, I think its fair enough they choose what to put in it - and it sounds like your dc isn't ready for that in terms of choices.

I think it's absolutely fine for you to have them make their own lunch or help themselves to snacks. Don't feel guilty...it'll be good for them.

I don't make breakfast or lunch for my teens, just the evening meal.

My dd’s 12 & often makes her own lunch. I do intermittent fasting, and sometimes don’t eat until 2pm, and she’s perfectly capable of creating some concoction to try (generally revolving around pasta or scrambled eggs).
She’ll also bake cookies and make mug cakes, and started when she was 10/11.
Having a much older ds I can now see the value of them learning to be more independent. Sometimes I feel like a bad mum, but actually it does them good to look after themselves a bit!
As an aside, dd has announced that she’ll be making all her packed lunches from now on, which we are delighted about.
OP, at their age, your kids should be able to sort lunch out themselves, and maybe treat you too occasionally 😊

Or ask them to rustle up some lunch for mum whilst they're making theirs!!

Yes, they can get their own grub, they should also offer to take the dog out

lol at this age I was making lunch for my parents and delivering it to them as they were at work every day in a local shop! And they’d leave us a list of groceries to buy too. How times have changed. I was about to teach my 5yo how to make a sarnie for his holiday club!

Yes, I think I'd say that op: If you make a proper lunch you can do it yourself. If I am going to have to do it, you can take the dog out in lieu.

But a 15 should understand Nutella isn't a proper lunch other than occasionally.

Honestly? I'd be more worried about them staying in bed that long.

Yes they should be able to make themselves a sandwich but why wouldn’t you make them something while you sort yourself out?

Because she has better things to be doing maybe???

It wouldn't even cross my mind to make them lunch in these circumstances. Unless they were right in front of me and I might say "should I defrost another soup for you as I'm doing mine" or "will I leave the bread out for you to make a sandwich for yourself"

i am sure they would much prefer to make their own lunch.

My teens are the same age and they’ve made their own lunches when at home for as long as I can remember! They don’t sleep until the afternoon though

Because they are 13 and 15 not 3 and 5?

So they can learn to adult? If she does it for them she is robbing them of an essential life skill.

They should be making you lunch OP! Dont be so wet!!!

A gadget always gets them interested. Mine tend to chuck stuff into the air fryer
or toaster. But I would go for the press if that's what they eat

With mine, they’ve been sorting their own breakfast and if they’re not around when I’m making lunch they miss the opportunity and have to sort themselves out. If they’re around I’ll make them something at the same time. Doesn’t mean they don’t ask me to do it constantly though!

Really? Because they are being lazy sods, expecting to be waited on hand and foot while their Mum works fulltime????

YANBU .

I had a kind of realisation recently when my 12 year old asked me to make him a drink and I was busy so I said to him to make it and he asked me :

• do I have to put water in with squash or can I just drink it
• how much squash goes in
• does water go in first or squash
• do I use a glass or a mug
• can you unscrew the lid
• shall I get a glass off the drainer or in the cupboard
• is this ok mom , did I do it right ?
• if I don’t drink it all should I leave it here or pour it away
• where is the ice

My realisation was that I do absolutely everything for him and I don’t know how he manages to have a drink when he’s home from school before I am in work and how is he going to cope when he’s home alone with his brother when I’m working part of the school holidays.

What I am trying to say is giving them more independence helps them.

During the holidays I have made up some sandwiches for him but also encouraged him to try making some things himself - toast , cereal , wraps - to help him in the long run .

Oh course a 13 and 15 year old should be able to make themselves food outside of normal meal times. Heck, the 15 year old should be cooking everyone dinner every now and then.

Pandering to them isn’t doing anyone any favours.

Personally, I wouldn’t allow my teens to sleep in until 1.50pm. I don’t think that’s healthy for them. 10.30 would be the latest.