To not feed my children?

[DoggieNamechange]

They're 13 and 15. I work FT (largely from home) and do all housework and dog walking around that.

The past few weeks I've been getting them lunch when I break for mine but now they're getting up later and later. They've been up for an hour now and just hanging about in PJs.

I am not making them food - there is a full fridge / cupboards etc with stuff they like but they will just wait for me to crack and make them something. Am going to try and ride it out but all my maternal instincts are heading for the pannini press.

Surely most teens can do a sandwich?????

Of course YANBU but I would make sure they know they need to make their own lunch, if they're used to you doing it, and not complain if they choose to eat something you wouldn't necessarily have made for them.
No issue with teens getting up as late as they like here. It's the summer holidays. I don't think they have to be productive every minute of every day.

Hmmm I guess there are a few ways to go-

1. just let them eat crap knowing they’ll have a decent dinner
2. Don’t have any crap in the house so they have to make real things
3. Give some kind of consequence for not eating vaguely properly or reward for doing so - I’d be reluctant to do this one as it is infantilising them a bit! And also might encourage bad relationships with food

So I might do a mix of 1 and 2

It's quite normal. My 13 year old was in bed at 10 last night, awake by 7.30 but didn't leave his bed until 10.30am when he wanted cereal, he then got back in his bed. Only the lure of going out with his mates got him fully out and dressed.

My kids started making their own breakfasts and lunches around 8 for the most part. Of course sometimes I'll feel inclined to make eggs or pancakes or my husband makes a round of nachos for everyone, but otherwise they sort themselves out. I absolutely wouldn't be stopping work to make a teenager a sandwich!

They can add things to the shopping list on the fridge and I do ask them regularly if there's anything they need / want to learn how to make / etc.

Excellent. Next step a very brief lesson followed by longer opportunities for them to learn by doing on emptying and refilling the dishwasher and walking the dog.

Just shout down the stairs to make themselves cereal or a sarnie? Only you know if your teens are capable…have you taught them? If not, maybe use this as a wake up call to work on life skills. They’re hardly going to starve.

My GC were all able to make a proper meal for everyone before they were 10yo. One GS (16) decided he wanted bacon and eggs one morning and managed to set fire to 2 frying pans (both iron so no damage). Most of them started preparing vegetables (supervised) at around 5 or 6.

Use this as a good opportunity to upskill everyone. 13 and 15 can pick and cook 1 evening meal a week. Divide up the other tasks between you all - 3 way split for dog walking and dishwasher. If you have a DP make him part of the conversation on diving up regular tasks.

I think my Mom stopped making me lunch when I was about 8 (apart from Sunday lunch). Oddly enough she now makes me lunch when I visit at the ripe old age of 38.

No don’t think you need to make teens lunch.

That’s completely different to the OP saying the child didn’t surface until 2ish.

I am aware they are spoilt - they know how to do most things but it always decends into squabbles and "it's not my turn" etc etc so I often just do it myself as actually quicker.

They usually have quite busy lives, especially the 15yo, school work, sports clubs, lots of friends so I'm sort of glad that they're having a few weeks chilling, especially as we're going away soon. We have a few weeks with family and 10 days abroad so will be more usual hours kept.

Today was the first day they weren't up before I made lunch and I wondered what would happen if I didn't present them with something.

My point which I didn't make very well, was that they might not have been asleep until that time but just lazing in bed.

My kids make their own lunch and have for ages.

My kids can all cook things like omelettes, pasta, poached eggs, use the air fryer and my youngest (who is 16) is a great cook. She went out and picked a load of blackberries and made a blackberry crumble last week while I was out at work, and we had it for pudding that evening.

They've all been cooking for at least 3 or 4 years. I do usually make the evening meal (but sometimes my 16 year old does it, because she likes cooking).

At that age, I'd feed them if they ate at the same time as me, otherwise not - but I would make them get up for lunch and eat with me, and get them involved in making it with me, to teach them how to fix lunches.

My son is now 17 and we have lunch together when he's not at college or work. Some days he makes it, some days I make it, some days we make it together. He's been cooking one evening meal for the family every week since he was 16. At 13, he was probably a bit useless in the kitchen. At 15, he could make a sandwich, pasta pesto, beans on toast, cheese on toast, scrambled eggs on toast, a salad, chips and something breaded in the air fryer... You need to show them what to do and how to do it.

Thank you - yes, I think she woke 11ish but is rewatching all of Harry Potter so after a movie and some quality Snapchatting it was 2ish before she was sighted downstairs.

Better late learning than never. Don't let them go backwards, by the end of the holidays they should be able to cook a simple meal for the family and do laundry!

My almost 21 year old has moved into his own place with 3 friends, he is teaching them all to cook as he has been preparing food himself since he was 12. The 17 year old is a reluctant cook (happily will do any and all DIY jobs) but he can cook and bake too.

I think you are fully reasonable. My 10 year old is currently making tomorrow’s packed lunches having already washed up today’s tubs

Yes that’s true but they still missed lunch, so they’ll have to sort their own.
I know what you mean though.

Yanbu, I'm in a similar boat with 12 and 15yr old. If I'm making something for myself I will offer to make them some. If they're not around or don't want what I'm having they can fend for themselves. There's plenty of food in the house and they are capable.

They made some questionable choices, a lot of bowls of cereal have been eaten but it's all part of gaining independence and becoming self sufficient isn't it. A teenager is perfectly able to make a sandwich, some eggs, pasta or thrown together a salad.

Sorry but if you're working why the hell aren't they making you lunch (as long as they're up on time)? I assume their days aren't stuffed full of chores and housework otherwise. As an absolute minimum at that age they should be feeding themselves.

Mine started making sandwiches when I realised it was taking me a lot longer to make them all, than it took to eat! Also noone has free access to the kitchen and food all day.

My twins having making their lunch and breakfasts since about 9.5. They started doing dinners around 13 and I would say between them the do about 90% of the cooking. They are very good at it

16yo and 10yo get sent down a 25 minute walk to nearest supermarket to buy small amounts of shopping every so often. They get a shopping bag and money and have to go out and buy groceries, and do recycling. And do the weeding.

The only thing that you are BU about is having kept doing it up until this point and not teaching them any self sufficiency.

My DC were getting their own breakfasts and lunches at much younger than 13, and at 13 were cooking one night a week for the family. Perhaps you could introduce that next?

my 11 and 13 year olds have been making their own food for about 4 years