To not feed my children?

[DoggieNamechange]

They're 13 and 15. I work FT (largely from home) and do all housework and dog walking around that.

The past few weeks I've been getting them lunch when I break for mine but now they're getting up later and later. They've been up for an hour now and just hanging about in PJs.

I am not making them food - there is a full fridge / cupboards etc with stuff they like but they will just wait for me to crack and make them something. Am going to try and ride it out but all my maternal instincts are heading for the pannini press.

Surely most teens can do a sandwich?????

They can make everyone’s sandwiches!

Just to clarify - they can make a sandwich, when they were younger we had a lot of fridge raid lunches at the weekend / hols when I'd prep stuff and they'd sort themselves. They can both bake and do scrambled eggs etc - they have good food tech provision at school as well so have made a few things from that again, like lasagne.

My issue was that today they got up after lunchtime (for the first time) and I wasn't going to make them lunch so WIBU?

Obviously it's good for them to sort themselves out, and they did. My youngest asked how much cheese to put in her sandwich so I advised.

To the pp who said "oh dear" that I wasn't raising fully functioning adults, I could list all the ways they're excelling in life but would sound like a knob and that's not the point anyway. I've had a lot of family issues and tragedy recently and sometimes I just want an easy life so I do the dishwasher. Imagine most parents are the same.

My DM was a housewife and I never cooked a thing until I was 18 but learnt pdq and am a fab cook now (and very modest) so I don't think they'll be hampered for life becasue they're not cordon bleu standard in Key Stage 3.

It's the holidays,why should they not get up late?

YANBU to not cook for them, but YABU for not already have taught them how to cook.

YABU have you actually made simple dishes with them? Given them ideas?

Oh just leave them to it. They won't die of hunger.

If they are capable of making sandwiches why pj earth are you teaching them to make a cheese and cucumber sandwich and screeching about life skills.

During COVID when I was working from home my 10yo would make me lunch!

My teens are up at 10ish. They seem to eat an astonishing number of full cooked breakfasts but are entirely self sufficient during the day.

This. Let them do what they want.

I think they should be making you a sandwich. I certainly won’t be making them one.

Love this,

Why aren’t they making dinner for everyone and helping out with other chores? OP is working and they aren’t doing anything.

Me too. I stopped making dinner for my DC a couple of years ago. Got sick of the fussiness, not knowing who was in/out etc, and throwing stuff away. I've now got two teens who can completely look after themselves food wise. Highly recommended 👏🏼

At that age and on holiday they should start taking over some family meals. YANBU.

I have just instructed the 13yo how to make a cheese and cucumber sandwich. Life skill!!

I’m not even making dinners anymore… I never know who is going to be home on what days/times etc and then it changes last minute… so I went and stocked the fridge/freezer yesterday and everyone can get what they want, when they want! (They are 17&18 now)

Imagine being envious of kids, and wanting to take away the only time in life they will have this time like that. Is it because it was taken from you and you want to pass that along to everyone else at that age?

Good grief what am I reading, do you miss the days when we sent them down the mines?

That is of course famously the only sandwich in existence.

If they get up at 2pm they can get something to eat for themselves for a snack. Lunch has long departed.
They really should be able to do that.

Top tip: in the summer holidays especially mine also have to make an evening meal for the family once a week. Includes shopping for the ingredients, working out portions, laying the table etc. They've done enchiladas, spaghetti bolognaise, a massaman curry. Through scouts they've cooked for themselves on week-long camps, planned and cooked 3 course meals etc so I know they can do it.

I don't mind so much if they have a pot noodle for lunch then!

But in answer to your initial question: no, if you're out for a work meeting and they'll be home without you, it's completely reasonable to expect them to make their own lunch, especially if you know there are lunch appropriate options to make in the house.

Because it’s their holiday. Time off. They are growing and often crave more sleep, so let them do that.

Their job is going to school. But they are rarely completely done with their work day because they have homework to do and tests to study for.

Of course it doesn’t mean they should never help out, but for god’s sake let them be kids.

Very confusing!

At that age time properly in each other's company is limited.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I do wonder whether agreeing to take in turns with them to make lunch for all of you, then spending 20 minutes eating together, might turn out to be better for you all than the low-effort low-reward of individuals grabbing what they can be bothered to have.

It’s what @bridgetreilly had to do. So everyone else should too.