To not feed my children?

[DoggieNamechange]

They're 13 and 15. I work FT (largely from home) and do all housework and dog walking around that.

The past few weeks I've been getting them lunch when I break for mine but now they're getting up later and later. They've been up for an hour now and just hanging about in PJs.

I am not making them food - there is a full fridge / cupboards etc with stuff they like but they will just wait for me to crack and make them something. Am going to try and ride it out but all my maternal instincts are heading for the pannini press.

Surely most teens can do a sandwich?????

You are not saying your 13-year old has never made a sandwich…?

Oh dear. They are fully aware that you’re a soft touch, to put it mildly.
You’ve fallen into the exasperated ‘oh, it’s just easier if I do it myself,’ trap.
Jeez, it's hard enough to try and bring your kids up to be fully functioning adults but you don’t even seem to be trying.
Meanwhile they won’t respect you and that is storing up problems ahead, it seems to me. Teach them how to feed themselves before it’s too late and you’ve become the family doormat and nothing more.

You are feeding your children by providing the food.

Same here. I cook a proper hot evening meal for whoever is here. Everyone sorts their own breakfast and lunch. On Saturdays I don’t cater for anyone and just graze myself. If and when I’m left to live alone I will probably never ‘cook’ again.

You’re working.

They should get up to a list of chores they need to do that day and they should be making the family meal at least one evening a week each.

It would never have even occurred to my parents to make me lunch at those ages, but then again I was home alone all day from age 12 in the holidays so if I didn't sort myself out, I got very hungry

Mine love the bloody crimpet ! Few mins done in the air fryer to crisp it up they get creative 😂

If they don't know how to cook, might be worth printing up a few recipes of what you would usually cook and then leave them to it. Would be good for them to experiment and see what they come up with.

Lately I'm only cooking for the ones who are on similar hours to me in terms of waking/sleeping. I'm not cooking extra and leaving it because there's no guarantee it will be eaten and not go to waste.

Everyone else is doing their own food, whether that's cooking or just assembling things to make a meal.

It's been a few weeks and they haven't starved yet. And it's holidays for them so a bit of leeway and change is OK.

By the same token, why wouldn't they make a sandwich for their mum while sorting themselves out?

Nothing wrong at all with long lie ins sometimes as long as it doesn't turn into habit that they struggle to come out of.

I work mainly from home and like a pp, I also only do dinner. I do stock up on pasta, pesto, pitta bread, humous, ham, cheese, bake in the oven baguette, tomates, cucumbers, olives etc.. I also make salads / couscous etc.. during the week which I store in the fridge for my own lunch and they can help themselves to. I don't buy biscuits, crisps, chocolate or cake so after starving / grumbling for a day or 2, they crack on and we are all happy.

You are providing food. It isn't child abuse to expect them to put it on a plate or perform basic cooking functions themselves.

My teens often make me lunch when they are on holiday. We ask if anyone else wants something when we make it. My kids are around the same age as yours, absolutely no way would I be making all their meals while they are on holiday and I am working. Time to teach them some adult skills, or if they know how to do it then just let them crack on?

As infuriating as it is, you need to let them crack on and fend for themselves, starvation is unlikely.

Or, on a more practical front, sit them down and in slow clear words explain that you work (its what pays the bills) and you only have a limited window for lunch breaks. So if they are expecting you to cater for them at the same time as your own lunch, then they need to be up, dressed and present at x time or they are on their own.

I don't mind making lunch for the teens and me if it means one of them washes up!

But to answer your initial question, you're fine, they're old enough to make their own breakfasts and lunch. I do interfere to prompt them to make sure they're having a balanced meal (protein, carb, salad/fruit, dairy etc) even when it's a simple lunch thing.

Sometimes it's easier to have something all together (like if it's a big pot of soup to share with a role each or a load of scrambled egg for toast) but the life skills also come into it.

Blimey, I know times change but at 13 I was making lunch for myself and my younger siblings. Nothing fancy / dangerous, but we could all knock up a sandwich by the time we were in double digits.

You're not being childish. You've just left it a bit late but it's never too late! It will be good for them to learn new skills.

Nope - my 13 and 15 year old are expected to feed themselves for breakfast and lunch (although if someone's making something 'proper' then they'll offer to make more for others)

Dinner we eat together - they're each expected to cook for us all once a week (and to have planned it and asked for what they need on the shopping list)

TBH, they've been doing their own breakfasts since they were each about 3.

This is how I prep them for surviving when they live alone/making sure they're not useless if they get a partner.

Mine are a similar age. My eldest will make my lunch for me lol, he makes a very nice fried egg sandwich.

I was cooking my own dinners at 13… I was amazed at how few adults knew how to cook for themselves when I got to uni. Let them sort themselves out!

They should be making you one! So a lunch rota so they take turns!

Different times and about time the children started to fend for themselves. They want to stay in bed? They make their own food - and clean up!

Mine sometimes sleep til 2, pretty normal for teens during holiday. But some days they get up early to see friends, go to work, play sport, go to the gym. So it’s a balance.

I believe there is no greater gift than the gift of 15 hours in bed. I wouldn’t deny my children that gift. But after that you can definitely make your own lunch.

Mine are the same age. I produce one meal a day in the evening. Other than that they are expected to feed themselves. And I’m not at work at the moment either.
Life skills. They can both make whatever they want. They had to cook dinner every now and again as well! How do you get to 13 and not be able to make a basic meal??

Exactly! I went to uni and flat shared with a few people. One bloke was almost 30 and asked me how to boil eggs. Not joking. He told me he'd never cooked and his mum did it all the time.
It's gotta stop, we need functioning adults in the world!