Ariana Grande

[ingonnabealright]

AIBU to think it’s a bit hypocritical that people are protecting her when she’s visibly unwell, saying that commenting on her body is wrong, but people take free reign to comment on plus size women’s bodies?!

Anorexia is an eating disorder. You can actually be a healthy weight and still suffer from it. There are some eating disorders that make people overeat. So some of them get overweight.

So a very underweight and a very overweight person can both be suffering from a similar illness. Which is using food, or the lack of it, as a control mechanism or mechanism to express mental distress or illness.

Atypical anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, orthorexia, obesity etc… are a longer term risk to health. So while the condition still needs treatment, the person is a whole less likely to die imminently.

Many people with eating disorders that aren’t causing an extremely low body weight will live a long life. It may not be a healthy life, it may cost the NHS a lot of money but it’s not the same as imminent risk to life.

I do agree with the sentiment that it seems to be ok to say awful things about overweight people but whereas very underweight people it’s primary done with concern but no other eating disorder poses the same immediate risk to life as anorexia.

Im talking physical symptoms not mental health here.

@BillieWiperI said overweight, why have you changed that to very overweight? And I was talking about impact on the body.

I do agree with the sentiment that it seems to be ok to say awful things about overweight people but whereas very underweight people it’s primary done with concern but no other eating disorder poses the same immediate risk to life as anorexia.
That is not my experience or the experience of a lot of slim people.
It only comes with concern when the person is deathly thin. If you are slim you have to put up with cheeky passive aggressive comments all the time, mainly from other women, they like to giggle and say you must eat like a bird, I’d love to be slim but not as slim as you, are you going to finish that meal. Men don’t like women with bones, the size of your arms they like twigs (they’re actually muscular), do you shop in the children’s department, that dress would fit my 10 year old, and so on.
I would feel the same compassion towards someone who was 600lb or 75lb.
Anyone around 110lb have to tolerate bs.

I’m not suggesting CE is the cause of the problems, but I think she certainly added to them. Grande has clearly been troubled for a very long time. I find CE over-bearing and disingenuous, and I feel that she swooped in on a vulnerable person in quite a predatory way. The very performative over-protective stuff, like tackling the guy who jumped over the barrier at AG; and the strange, vague references to the 2 of them ‘exploring’ their relationship or whatever claptrap Erivo was pushing. I think she was very keen to link herself to an international pop star, and presumably there was a sexual attraction involved as well. If Erivo was a straight male, I think people would have viewed the whole thing with a raised eyebrow.

I’m a lesbian and have witnessed this sort of predatory, manipulative behaviour of vulnerable women in the LGBT community many times.

So you're suggesting no one has said anything nasty about her? The fact shes taking a break would indicate a different story.

Anorexia is indeed a very serious illness, and I’m sorry you went through that with your child. Mybest friend died as a result of Anorexia when I was 16 so I have some understanding of the issues.

But it’s not possible to diagnose Ariana from photos, and she has said herself she’s healthier now than when she was thinner (her statement not mine). Bodies change for lots of reasons.

It’s also not accurate to say she’s being ‘made’ to perform- if she were medically unwell, the tour wouldn’t be going ahead.

We can acknowledge the seriousness of anorexia without projecting it onto someone whose health we don’t know, that is part of the problem, openly critiquing bodies when we have no inside knowledge.

It makes no difference to what I'm saying. Do you disagree that ED sufferers can end up either over or underweight. Or some are normal weight? The illness is psychological.

This is very true and many ED's are misunderstood. my dd had Atypical Anorexia. However if someone gets to a dangerously low weight it is much more serious as thier bodies will start to shut down. It really surprised me to learn on a parent course for kids with ED's that it's the most dangerous mental health disorder with highest death rates. It's not spoken about enough. We hear all the time about mental health but ED's still seem to have a lot of stigma. I wonder if there is anything good that could come from this is more awareness.

@BillieWiperDo you agree that anorexia is different to being overweight in terms of health?

But it’s not possible to diagnose Ariana from photos, and she has said herself she’s healthier now than when she was thinner (her statement not mine). Bodies change for lots of reasons

Celebs are often not honest about all sorts of things eg addiction or plastic surgery so “Im healthy” tends to fall on deaf ears plus people can see themselves.

The music industry has form for this kind of thing. There would be a lot of money lost if her tour was cancelled. She is clearly unwell you can see all her bones on one of her own pics on Instagram. As you will know with your friend it's a illness where it is secretive and they tell lies due to their illness being in denial is part of it. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend that is truly awful x

Yes, if coupled with extremely low body weight with anorexia you're at risk of potentially dropping down dead at any moment from organ failure. So it's arguably more dangerous definitely.

I was sectioned for anorexia before. They implied I was on the brink of death but you're too sick to realise sometimes. That's the really difficult part.

Great then we agree

YABU
The two aren’t comparable. Anorexia is so incredibly dangerous hence the need for continual medical obs to check for bradycardia, hypotension, hypothermia, ECG abnormalities, electrolyte imbalances , hypoglycaemia to name but a few. It can often come with suicidal idealisation and self harm. There is a risk of collapse and the heart giving out. You can become dangerously unwell very quickly like in a week as opposed to gradually for years. My daughter was in and out of hospital for years and ended up in high dependency at times and I honestly thought we’d end up losing her.

I suspect AG has been advised that to push through weight gain she absolutely shouldn’t be in the public eye. It’s a tough battle to wage and tolerate out of the public eye let alone in the public eye and media. The brain becomes deluded when starved so you’re battling a double whammy. It will
need to heal over time and will only be able to do so without continual public noise making things ten times harder- if she does have Anorexia.I wish her well whatever she is struggling with. My daughter has come through the other side,it takes huge strength to stay there but it can be done and is so worth it.

And I tend to agree with you, but social media speculation make it harder for her, hence the statement she has made today. So I don't like to assume.

I agree yes, ooh you'll get fat if you eat that is one I have had when I dared to buy a flapjack in the canteen one particularly taxing afternoon. Can you imagine in a professional work setting someone saying that to someone who is overweight. Oh you can eat what you want you are lucky is the other one. How do you stay so slim - I watch what I eat and do loads of exercise - no that's the wrong answer apparently.

Yep. 😀

Can you imagine in a professional work setting someone saying that to someone who is overweight.

Don't have to imagine it. It happened. Along with somebody adding my name to a list on the staff room wall to buy cake from someone who had a sideline in baking cakes - with 57 big ones please on the quantity.

Yes, she was slim.

The problem with anorexia is that it consumes people (mentally and physically). My mum was under section going ‘I wish to could leave’ and we were like ‘have bloody sandwich then’ and it was all ‘I couldn’t possibly, I’m well fed as I am’. I struggled with the self destructive and lack of logic she was showing. Anyone who thinks Ariana can just sort herself out is naive as is anyone who believes the nonsense that she’s healthier than she’s ever been.

Even under medical supervision my mum had re-feeding syndrome. People don’t realise that once you’ve hit starvation, just how dangerous it is to start eating again. It’s not easy to get out of that hole.

Fair enough tbh thanks for explaining, you’d definitely know more than me about the intricacies of these kinds of dynamics.

To be honest the whole thing was so odd, AG often plays up to the ‘child’ role too which doesn’t help with the weirdness of it. I used to think it was part of an act but she is clearly mentally unwell and getting worse so who knows. Either way, something weird was going on on that Wicked set.

Actually, you’ve just unlocked a memory from when I was at uni. My friend (LGBT) was doing this to one of our other, quite sweet and naive friends, convincing her that others that they were the toxic ones. Never thought about it again until just now, and don’t like to make generalisations because I am not part of the community myself but hmmm.

I struggle to feel any sympathy for her- she had an affair with a man who then left his wife and newborn child for her.

I don't necessarily believe we absolutely can't talk about women's bodies. We should be allowed to talk about what is healthy and what is unhealthy and not normalise being extremely thin.

Yes, I’m sad to say I have witnessed some very predatory behaviour by lesbians towards vulnerable women over many years. (And likewise from gay men.) Since my university days in fact and I’m in my 50s now. I think people often turn a blind eye to these behaviours in same-sex situations, for fear of being labelled homophobic for calling it out. But we should remember that predatory behaviour, grooming and manipulation happen in many different permutations, and across all sexualities.