AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

[ByJollyQuail]

Just after some outside opinions because I'm genuinely not sure whether my sister has a point or whether she's being overly judgemental.

DH and I have been together since university and are now in our early 50s. We have two sons. Our eldest has just finished university and starts a graduate scheme in investment banking in London in a few weeks. Our youngest gets his A-level results in a couple of weeks and, hopefully, will be applying to study Economics and Maths and will be going to university sept 2026 after taking a gap year travelling. He plans to go after Christmas and is using money we saved for him to spend on whatever he wanted, he’s chosen to go travel all over South America solo we plan to meet him in a few countries.

DH retired early a couple of years ago. He's not old enough to draw his private pension yet, but we'd planned well financially and he reached the point where he simply didn't need to work anymore. I still work two days a week because I enjoy it.

We've always been sociable people and, if I'm honest, we've always enjoyed a drink. Even back at university we were the ones organising nights out, and that side of us has never really changed. We travel a lot, go away for weekends, love jazz bars with live music and dancing, go out for meals, have friends over regularly and I absolutely love hosting dinner parties. Our house has always been the one where people gather.

Life has changed recently though. Our boys are adults now and quite rightly have their own lives. They both have girlfriends, they're building their own futures and we've naturally had to take a bit of a back seat as parents. That's exactly how it should be, and we're proud of them, but it does mean our lives are much quieter than they were when they were younger.

In a few weeks our eldest will move into London for work, and next year our youngest will head off travelling before university, so it'll just be the two of us most of the time. We actually like each other's company and have always enjoyed going out together, so that's never worried either of us.

The issue is this. My sister stayed with us for a long weekend recently. One evening we had friends over for dinner. We opened wine while I was cooking and everyone had a couple of glasses over the course of the evening. The next night we went to the pub with friends and I had three glasses of wine over several hours while DH had a couple of pints and a whisky. The following evening we stayed in, cooked dinner together and shared a bottle of wine while watching a film.

A few days after she'd gone home she rang me and said she was actually worried about us. She said she'd noticed we seemed to drink every day and thought we'd normalised alcohol to an unhealthy extent. She even used the word "alcoholics", which completely took me aback. I’ve said to her we just like having fun, we aren’t drinking at 8am every morning, we aren’t arguing, we like good alcohol that’s all and we don’t really have any responsibilities.

The thing is, she's not entirely wrong that we drink most evenings. If I'm not commuting into London the next day I'll often have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. If I'm off the following day we might share a bottle. If we're out with friends we'll drink then too.

Neither of us has ever missed work because of drinking. We don't drink in the mornings, don't hide alcohol, don't become unpleasant after drinking and we can easily go without if one of us is driving, we're travelling somewhere or we're doing something where drinking isn't appropriate.

My sister barely drinks herself. She might have a glass of prosecco at Christmas or a wedding and that's about it, so perhaps her idea of normal is very different from ours.
DH thinks she's being ridiculous and says we've simply reached a stage in life where we have time, disposable income and enjoy good food, entertaining and a drink together. He says we're not neglecting anyone or anything because there really aren't many day-to-day responsibilities anymore.

I wasn't worried until she said it, but now I'm wondering if we've drifted into drinking so regularly that we've stopped noticing it.

AIBU to think she's overreacting?

This made me laugh 😂

But poor OP. It’s puzzling. Her OP was cogent & clearly written & then descended into illegible ramblings v quickly. It’s hard to see how that would happen so quickly, even with alcohol on board.

This post has been written to justify how much you drink rather than to question it. You are most certainly drinking too much and refusing to say how much you do drink. You both have alcohol issues that you won’t face up to.

If you were my sister I'd be concerned.
You're drinking more than is healthy, but not enough to affect how you function.
It's really your call if the enjoyment you get from the alcohol outweighs the potential risk to your health.

I'm not sure this is the best forum to post for balanced advice to be honest.

I'm pretty sure that the official UK health guidance would be to drink less, but to be quite frank most French people would be reading these replies aghast, what you described seems entirely reasonable to me and I imagine would in most wine producing nations?

Nothing about your relationship with drink sounds intrinsically unhealthy - you seem to use it as an adjunct to socializing rather than a reason in itself, which to me indicates a sensible attitude (which you should of course modify it you notice health problems).

Sorry to say it but many of the posters sounds like they could do with a quick snifter to lighten up...

Yes, and multiple epiphanic moments all at once. We start with a perfect life, then suddenly, actually, the OP’s DH is insane! Then the sex is terrible! Then she’s deeply lonely and lacks purpose in her life. All within an hour or two.

She is not a happy person.

You're recommending posters use alcohol to self medicate? How strange.

Perfect, thank you for illustrating my point haha.

It was Saturday night last night btw, sounds like OP got merry, had fun chatting with a lot of pearl-clutchers and then retired to her chamber with her uninhibited husband - good on her.

But, please could you all stop posting so loud? As you're all so solicitous of her health, have some sympathy for her state this morning.

To show that they are decent people I think and not the types whose children were dragged up. But, it does smack of the lady doth protest too much.

But op you were happy before she said something and so what's changed? You must have some inkling or you'd just file under ridiculous things people have said. What was your parents attitude to alcohol?

If 14 units of alcohol a week is the safe/ish limit, and there are 9 units in a bottle, you're drinking at least double the recommended limit.

Stick to facts. You need to cut down.

i think its a slippery slope
and for your health you could have some alcohol free days

Well the OP did start a thread on here regarding her alcohol intake, so you could say she's made it people's business, hence the advice she's been given.

Maybe you should do that and you will have your answer. The fact that you haven’t sat down and done a very simple calculation suggests to me that you don’t want to know the answer as it will say yes you are drinking too much.

"pearl clutchers"
Predictable. Ageist and sexist nonsense. It is designed to belittle people who have genuinely tried to help and support a troubled person.
Oh, and we dare to be women with advice and opinions.

Sounds a lot to me. And also sounds like you would struggle to give it up by your defensiveness. I seldom drink now and those that do find me incomprehensible. Check how many units you drink as someone suggested.

Beside the point but: why the very long OP? You could have written one paragraph. I got bored reading it zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Was it written by AI?

To show her wealth and success. She's not some wino in the doorway. However, it's clear that she's a lonely woman and her husband isn't great and alcohol is used for self medication.

What a load of pish 😂

Yes, her mental state clearly deteriorated rapidly.

OP your sister is right. You drink too much. The NHS is clear that 14 units for a man or a woman is the maximum anyone should drink in a week. In addition, you should have 3 days a week when you do not drink at all. Please make the changes now before you do become dependent. I say this as a relative to someone who loved alot of drinks at the weekend and in retirement, quickly became an alcoholic as he started drinking everyday at the same rate. As a family we tried to intervene but he would not listen and was adamant he had earned it and was now retired. Please make those changes

and you are drinking on your own
i hope in the sober light of day you can read this thread and see some sense

I agree. I also in my fifties and don't drink in general. If we're going out to dinner then most of us will have one glass of wine if anything.

It's not whether you can get up for work or if drinking affects your functioning days...there's clearly no problem there.

it's the health implications of drinking so much. Have you calculated the units of alcohol you are drinking per week?

Thats like 2 bottles per person, thats a lot.

We hosted a barbecue a couple of weeks ago, we had non alcoholic drinks on offr as well as beer, cider, wine etc and tbh a lot chose non alcoholic for at least part of the time. It was still perfectly "social".

I think drinking every day routinely is a bit much. Even when its just a glass or two.... its a prop.

The most you’re supposed to drink in a week is 14 units, a bottle of wine is around 9. That’s 3 large glasses of wine. If you have 3 evenings where you both share a bottle of wine, you’ve reached the limit.

I’m much older and love wine, but I do have to watch the units. Also my hobbies are physical and impossible to drink wine with.