Am I the only one who basically avoids their Dh?

[Muststopdrinkingfizzystuff]

In a difficult relationship, but unable to get out, at least for now (very complicated)
Have Dc, light of my life.
I’m able to be strong and keep ok by sort of avoiding him.
I have my work, friends, Dc.
Weekdays are the easiest as it’s the least amount of time together.
Weekends can be difficult, but Dc mainly plays with friends so works in a way.
I have mainly just kept going like this. We are fine in front of my Dc, but sit in separate places when she is not there, for example.

Recently i’m feeling very lonely and thinking back to my younger years and previous boys/men who were after me and wanted to be with me and now i’m so alone.
I want that love and togetherness others have

I have friends who are also not happy.

I didn’t think when young that this was how my family life would be, feel sad for my Dc too.

Does anyone else live like this?

No, but he was masking then. Neither of us had any idea he was autistic. This was 20-odd years ago. It was when our DC was diagnosed that the penny dropped.

No, I probably should not have had a baby with him in the first place, but everyone around me (particularly on MN!) was telling me the problem was either that I was a wet lettuce / doormat and needed to raise my bar and whip him into shape and train him how to behave like an adult, or that he was probably depressed, and as his wife I should do everything in my power to support him.

We were like this for a year/ year and a half, him depressed questioning life except for work- the love of his life and kids. So basically he had a problem with me and his family. It was sad and awful, especially at night time, in bed in silence turned separate way like in the movies. At times I just pretended to be asleep. We started talking last year and things are getting back, we’ve made each other smile, we chat a bit more, but we’re still not close to even five years ago . Only time will tell but we’re not on a bad track. I will say I have started saving, my friends have been amazing even though they’re far away and I’m back reading, listening to music, pampering myself (cheaply!!) walking etc.Am going to start swimming and dancing too. Am getting me back as I think is he, and I think it might be making us like being together more

I'm going to make a wild assumption and suggest the OP might be involved with someone who has a long reach. Perhaps if she didn't return after visiting her family he might send someone to have a chat.

But you would be in the UK. With family. With your British passport holder child. Earning more than you did previously.

The UK government will protect its citizens! You and your daughter both have British passports. You both have family in the UK. And you would both actually be on UK soil!

I sense the country you’re currently in is in the Middle East? They aren’t going to be able to grab you back!

Oh don’t be daft

Well I know it's daft, I did say it's a wild assumption, but it could be a similar sort of scenario.

In any event I feel for the OP and hope she can get back home with her DC soon and safely.

Why throw in a completely wild, baseless and daft suggestion that will do nothing by scare someone (or make them laugh, probably the latter)?

if we all responded to threads with “wild” assumptions, mumsnet would be useless to those like the op

OP hasn't given the full story so people will assume. There's already a poster who has jumped to the conclusion OP is stuck in Egypt but looking through the OP posts I can't see anything that confirms that assumption.

And that poster followed up with an apology and said they didn’t know where they’d got Egypt from ie they admitted it was a baseless assumption.

You however…

I however, said it was a wild assumption up front.

So maybe don’t post wild assumptions based on absolutely nothing seemingly designed to do nothing but scare an op

I don't know whether you've noticed but this is a public forum where anyone can post just about anything. Honestly don't be a bully telling people what they can and cannot say and do. I put forward a theory based on ..... well not much to go on really. I've noted that you don't agree with my theory. Thanks for your input.

Sure
crack on then with joining threads posting wild assumptions based on absolutely nothing designed to scare the op

The thing is, I think the OP is already quite worried / scared about leaving. She hasn't said why though, and I acknowledge there's no reason why she should give further details. We know very little about the OPs circumstances, country, finances etc other than she wrote that if she left - 'legally I could be in big trouble', so I put forward a theory (as have other posters). @Smallitch put forward a theory that OP was in the ME and they wouldn't be able to grab her back from there. However, there are well documented news reports about a ME big wig who had his daughters (allegedly) kidnapped and forcibly returned to his country when they ran away, also one of his wives removed herself and children from his country and have had to spend a fortune on bodyguards since as he tries to force her / the children to return. Not to mention reports of young children being snatched back and returned to the father's country with the mother losing contact with her children.

I wonder if you reposted with the fuller picture upfront if you’d get slightly more helpful replies?

‘Anyone been unable to leave a relationship due the the Hague convention? How did you cope?’ might reduce your audience, but could also mean fewer people telling you to leave, and more giving more helpful advice?

But under The Hague convention, the daughter remaining in her usual residence in cases of divorce etc is considered to be in her best interests, and the OP would be seen as kidnapping her if she removed her from that. She really can’t just go home, at least not with her daughter.

So you can travel out the country with her. Next time you are here get some legal advice, you might have some protection if there is evidence of coercion/control.

What a story honestly

nothing absolutely nothing to indicate this husband is some kind of international mafia type guy with an international reach to threaten the op if she didn’t return back from the UK

The thing is, I think the OP is already quite worried / scared about leaving.

so you thought you’d make it worse by posting a “wild assumption”. Ok

Very easy for the Op to check whether her country falls under The Hague convention

Many don’t

Not a chance would the uk force a British mother and her British daughter to return to a country try even if in The Hague convention if the mother is saying she is abused and would be in danger if she returned. Not. A. Chance

No, exactly this

So have you checked whether the country you reside in falls under The Hague convention?

I can’t legally just take her without permission off father