Am I the only one who basically avoids their Dh?

[Muststopdrinkingfizzystuff]

In a difficult relationship, but unable to get out, at least for now (very complicated)
Have Dc, light of my life.
I’m able to be strong and keep ok by sort of avoiding him.
I have my work, friends, Dc.
Weekdays are the easiest as it’s the least amount of time together.
Weekends can be difficult, but Dc mainly plays with friends so works in a way.
I have mainly just kept going like this. We are fine in front of my Dc, but sit in separate places when she is not there, for example.

Recently i’m feeling very lonely and thinking back to my younger years and previous boys/men who were after me and wanted to be with me and now i’m so alone.
I want that love and togetherness others have

I have friends who are also not happy.

I didn’t think when young that this was how my family life would be, feel sad for my Dc too.

Does anyone else live like this?

I felt like you do . In the end I couldn't live with being so bloody miserable and left . I moved in with my Mum until he left the family home then I moved back . Don't waste your one precious life being unhappy and make plans to separate.

Were you able to return home for good?

I did the same with ex for a long time until I was able to leave. It worked for a long time with work, no abuse or arguments, and respecting each other.

But, at 45 I left. Started again. Then met the man I was happily married to for years until he died.

It can work to just co-exist, but it’s a lonely life. You lack the normal close and loving relationship you want when you marry someone. 🤷‍♀️

Yes. It took me 2 years to do it but yes. Start the process OP, you deserve to be happy.

In a similar situation. Not able to leave currently. Live as housemates and co parent. Get on mostly ok.
I have my friends, hobbies etc which keep me going. It would be nice to leave but I know it’s simply not possible now so I just make the best of it

Are you abroad too?

Of course people are going to make assumptions as you havent said why you can't leave, there is no need to be so aggressive!
It's 2026....no woman needs to stay in an unhappy and unfullfilled marriage at all, no matter how hard it will be to leave.

I don't want to share our kids and financially I would be destroyed, housing would become insecure, and I wouldn't have any money for the kids, whereas he wouldn't have these issues.

So I stay, because the alternative is worse.

I’m not being aggressive, the poster was being so rude. With all due respect I do have to stay in the situation if I want to be with my Dd, regardless of it being 2026 or not, you have no idea

Was he like this before you married him?

We’re not actually married but been together a very long time, was different years ago

What would you like your situation to be in 5 years' time, OP?

Where would you like to be living?

No I actively go out of my way to spend extra time with him and we frequently both mildly inconvenience ourselves to spend time together (like meeting on our lunch breaks). I would hate to live like that.

Surly you’d be better to just leave? Will you leave when the kids are older? Also, your kids will 100% pick up on it. My mum and dad did a bit of living together for the kids and it was the worst and most awkward 9 months of my childhood. It was much better when they were divorced, and now 20 years later they can even get along pretty well which I don’t think would be the case if they’d continued to stick it out. Sending love though it sounds miserable.

Her parents must have been Oscar award winning actors

It doesn’t look like he wants to be with you either

he just doesn’t want the hassle and effort involved in splitting up.

did you start the thread for the “misery loves company” logic or for advice re how to make the leap?

Do you work op?

I would love to be back home.

Yes

In England, with your daughter, just the two of you, in a flat or little house?

Let that be your goal; you would clearly be much happier.

That's your opinion. It's not a fact.

@Muststopdrinkingfizzystuff

We talked about it a lot, it’s become apparent that he wouldn’t leave, I clung onto hoping he would do the decent thing and leave, but he wouldn’t. Yes I left, and took the children. I didn’t really believe it would happen until it did.

But with help I managed it, and life is so much better.

Maybe she just wants to vent, chat, chew the fat.

Then you need to make the decision. Posters always say they can’t leave. There is always a way. May not be easy.

And decently paid? Savings? Would be able to rent / mortgage? Remember to factor in benefits

What happens on holidays? And Christmas time? When you can’t avoid each other @Muststopdrinkingfizzystuff ?