Am I the only one who basically avoids their Dh?

[Muststopdrinkingfizzystuff]

In a difficult relationship, but unable to get out, at least for now (very complicated)
Have Dc, light of my life.
I’m able to be strong and keep ok by sort of avoiding him.
I have my work, friends, Dc.
Weekdays are the easiest as it’s the least amount of time together.
Weekends can be difficult, but Dc mainly plays with friends so works in a way.
I have mainly just kept going like this. We are fine in front of my Dc, but sit in separate places when she is not there, for example.

Recently i’m feeling very lonely and thinking back to my younger years and previous boys/men who were after me and wanted to be with me and now i’m so alone.
I want that love and togetherness others have

I have friends who are also not happy.

I didn’t think when young that this was how my family life would be, feel sad for my Dc too.

Does anyone else live like this?

Ah...is this a situation in which the hague convention would be an issue if you physically remove your children from their place of habitual residence?

In that case yes I totally understand why just leaving him may not be an option. Are you able to access legal advice so you are fully apprised of what your options re separation / divorce are.

No worries at all, you weren’t to know x

You’re trapped too?

😔 xx

@Muststopdrinkingfizzystuffyou are so young to be this lonely. Get out however long it takes

I could have written a similar post myself. Unhappy with my marriage, don't have the courage to do anything about it right now. No sex in over a year. Discussed marriage counselling 18 months ago but never did anything about it.

Yes, I have done and sadly I can’t leave without permission (not with my Dd)

Exhausting isn’t it, you just end up sort of stuck. Sometimes I daydream about an amazing relationship and how wonderful it must be

My relationship was like that. I would walk into a room, and he would walk out of it.

I left when my children were 12/14. I had put in for social housing when I knew that the relationship was over, and was lucky to get offered a lovely house about 8 months later.

It wasn't easy. I had a lot of other stuff going on in my life at the time as well, both personal and professional. I had to take a few months off work as my mental health was in pieces. Once I had put myself back together again, I had to take legal action to force the sale of the house (he was still living in it). I have been single ever since, by choice. My children are now fully fledged adults.

Now this might sound negative, but it's just the reality of how life was . But I regret nothing.

I can honestly say that I am as happy now as I have ever been, and can say that is the case for the last few years. My life is mine. I see my children regularly, we have a great relationship. I now own my own place again. I have a great circle of friends, and a better social life now than I had 25 years ago.

I know you can't leave now. I hope it won't be too long. Life is too short to stay in a bad relationship.

I feel silly saying I'm trapped - we are financially ok, no abuse or anything like that - but I feel so unhappy and can't think how to change it. I couldn't bring myself to leave thinking that the disruption would affect DDs mental health even worse.

Same here, but we actually got through the unhappy part and are basically friends living together for the kids. It’s kind of nice. Maybe the romantic love will come back or maybe it won’t. I have no intention of leaving because of the DC and neither does he.

Did you talk about it and decide that together?

No, it’s completely evolved naturally.

But it sounds like no toxicity there, this is not what the thread is about it’s about avoiding and not wanting to be around them

We went through all that. Tense, no talking, dreading weekends etc etc Somehow we came out the other side. Time and situation helps a lot. Sometimes we have bumps.

How long for?

5 years from worst to where we are now.

But do you cuddle, show affection have sex etc, sorry to be blunt

I used to dread my ex husband being at home. Hated him coming home from work. Hated him having his days off. Just hated being around him in general tbh (with very good reason)

Been with my current partner for 7 years, still look forward to him coming home and love spending time with him.

I’ve DM’d you.

I was in this situation, I grew to resent him so much. We ended up divorcing. I'm happier without him, but I only have my dcs half the time. Often I think I should have just stayed so I can be with them all the time. I'm missing out on half their lives.

Disabled?

So sorry 😔 this I don’t want either

Unfortunately on Mumsnet if you don't give nosy parkers full details on demand people make shit up. Then someone else comes along and reads the shit / lies and picks up the thread from there and before you know it the OP is forced to defend themselves against lies told by someone who has created a whole new fantasy scenario. Seen it happen many times,

@Muststopdrinkingfizzystuff

Since it's Hague, I agree you can't take DD and leave the country and you'd would be foolish to try. But are you able to separate and still stay in that country or are you on some sort of 'tied to him' spouse visa? Most importantly, have you spoken to a specialist solicitor about that scenario?

One word of advice. You say:

Recently i’m feeling very lonely and thinking back to my younger years and previous boys/men who were after me and wanted to be with me and now i’m so alone.
I want that love and togetherness others have

I understand why you feel that way. But if you're tempted to 'find' that love now, outside your marriage, please don't. It's a risk you don't want to take. What would happen if your H should find out and decides to kick you out?

I’m in a similar situation. Autistic DH, means well but zero executive function, poor hygiene, struggles to hold a two way conversation - it’s a always a longwinded rant or a ton of strident mansplaining or endless critical nitpicking, and no ability even to feign interest in what anyone else is saying.

I get to a point every day where I can’t even look at him and hide in a different part of the house and put noise-cancelling earphones in so I can’t hear his loud repetitive hobby.