To want to tell my kids to fuck off

[allwrongnow]

Dd2(3) destroyed DD1(6)s Lego. Tried to put DD2 in a time out; of course she won’t stay so she’s in her room with me on one side of the door holding it closed while she screams the place down and DD1 follows me bellowing and ranting about the injustice of it so two kids screaming their heads off at me while I’m holding door closed.

I didn’t but I wanted to tell them both to fuck off. (I have never done this out loud but Jesus it’s tempting.)

Yes, I know I probably did it all wrong and no MNetters would have such chaos but that’s not my life I’m afraid.

I think you all need to have a hug and get outside. I’m not sure punishing a 3 year old like that helps it just ramps up the emotional volatility. Explaining to your 6 year old they’re just a baby then getting 3 year old to do something nice for 6 year old might help.

However I have regularly wanted to tell my kids to duck off as they can be little shits. Don’t beat yourself up.

Probably but WTF DO I do then? I can’t just let her destroy DD1s things and I’m not sure two screaming kids outside is going to endear me to my neighbours 🤣

I would let dd2 see you comfort dd1 at length and get the attention.

Would dd2 be able to help rebuild it in some way? Collecting up the bricks at least and sorting into colours?

Reward dd2 for good behaviour in future.

Help dd1 to build her Lego out of reach of dd2 in future.

Oh and 8/10 times my kids stopped and screaming once we got outside

No, she’d just further destroy it.

Mine would not be impressed to be dragged away from an injustice (DD1) or further destruction (DD2) to be outside barefoot and in pyjamas so would carry on screaming.

dont worry about the neighbours
i agree time out inappropriate
she did a wrong thing
she knows

I appreciate the advice but getting them outside would solve absolutely nothing. I’m not even dressed yet tbh.

It’s 1 August. Absolutely fucking dreading the next 31 days.

Have you tried it? Almost anything can be diffused by letting them go outside barefoot and in pyjamas. Even better if I let them take paints, slime, the gymnastics mats, not having to wear outdoor shoes and clothes is the height of joy here. And the exact scenario of Lego destruction has happened but largely eldest builds Lego up high because he knows what can happen. And if they're building together well then it's Lego, it rebuilds.

Can you make a rule that the lego stays in dd1's bedroom? Is there a flat surface she can build on there that 3 year old can't reach? If 3 year old can see it she will want it so it needs to be out of sight and 3 yr old needs to be elsewhere doing something age appropriate.

Hugs op, the summer chaos is tough x

I don't think trapping her in her room is the right thing to do at such a young age. I always tell older DS that he must keep lego out of reach of DD. He builds it at the breakfast bar then it goes up on a high shelf.

OP sometimes the best thing you can do is still shit. Just get through this moment, they'll calm down eventually.

I can make a thousand rules but DD1 just doesn’t get it; I’ve told her so many times not to parade things around in front of DD2; she knows what will happen but I genuinely think she’s a bit slow, which sounds horrible but she doesn’t seem to understand. Besides there aren’t locks on the doors so it’s not like I can keep DD2 out and she follows DD1 around.

If we could knock it off with the ‘go outside’ advice. They are awful inside and outside but inside they only impact me. They’ll go out later but I can’t keep them in the garden all day, even if it helped, they aren’t dogs.

I know, trapping her in her room is wrong but if I’d said I did nothing and just let her destroy things that would also be wrong so I’m taking those posts with a big pinch of salt.

Putting a three year old in a room and holding the door will teach her NOTHING. I know it’s hard but you have to play the long game - you want behaviour to change.

Time out is massively out dated parenting approach.

She’s three - of course she’s going to destroy her sisters Lego. It’s shit and tiring as a parent but it’s part of parenting.

Im sorry but I agree get them out, through joggers on get out.

Baby gates? To keep them in separate rooms / for time outs?

I give up, I’ll just let her do whatever the hell she wants 😂

Could try baby gates although dd1 could scale them quite easily and dd2 would scream her head off

Sp basically you don’t want any advice

Can I give you the best piece of parenting advice ever? Stop buying Lego!

We bought way too much. It causes no end of problems with the kids seeking revenge and destroying each other’s creations. And you will always be the one to pick it all up.

No advice, just I can picture the scene 🤣 a regular one in our house.

Just for the next 20 mins (or longer if you are good with it!), if the garden isnt going to help, snacks infront tv for the kids and a quiet cuppa for you.
Do you have somewhere you can take them out today?
Local library or park?
Some days are just tough, but its not even 9am yet, so try not to write the whole day off just yet.

And I know you know it's not okay - but you really can't shut a 3 year old in a room.
Its not safe, and the panic they feel not knowing what's going on, will really not help.

I think the bedroom thing is right and all the oh do painting in the garden people are the reason society is getting ruder

Siblings Without Rivalry is the book you need to read. Once theyre asleep 😉.

It really helps with how to parent both with a view to them growing up to like and respect each other.

Shutting one child away will build resentment in both and theyll continue to make your life more miserable than it needs to be.

A 3 year old is not just a baby and knows that they shouldn’t be destroying Lego.

A time out is age appropriate.

It sounds like they get their attitude problems from you.