To think this email from my exes solicitor is just absolutely laughable

[Esmeraldathe3rd]

DSs dad is on an increasing schedule of contact during our court process, started with supported and he's now on one-one. (Contact originally stopped because social services though he was a danger, before what he had alternate weekends plus some extras in hols)

Last weekend was his first full day. He was 3hrs late because he forgot about it. Now I get an email off his solicitor requesting we agree outside of court 5050 shared care or they'll take me to court over 1.unrelated and 2. Completely in my favour, financial issues. Essentially threatening me that if I don't agree it'll cost me. Also threatening to take MY allegations of rape against him, further, like how? You raped me, I agreed not to press charges, what are you going to do?

I just cannot imagine being so arrogant that I would be 3 hours late to see my son and then demand shared care?! CAFCAS is not reccomeding shared care. The judge scoffed at the last hearing when he said he was insisting on shared care. In what world would I agree to that?

And honestly why would his solicitor support that, they seem like the most incompetent people I've ever met, it baffles me.

The solicitor doesn’t have to support it. They just are doing as their client asks.

Given that they want to agree outside of court I suspect they know I court ruling isn’t going in their favour.

Cant really comment on their threats because you don’t really say what they are. I’d be inclined to just ignore the email if I’m honest.

Given that they want to agree outside of court I suspect they know I court ruling isn’t going in their favour
Not forcibly. They could strongly believe they'll get 50/50 but want to reduce solicitors fees representing them in court, which will can grow very quickly.

Ultimately, you don't have to agree to anything and just wait for the judge's decision.

Oh he wants my car that I bought and is in my name. And he wants my house that we agreed he could buy me out of but he hasn't bought me out of so I can't give him until the mortgage is paid 🤷 I don't feel he told them the full story there.

There is no way on earth they'll get it. The judge told them as much at the last hearing. And it's the same judge. They have absolutely no evidence to show he's ever provided any level of care beyond taking him to fun places and he is showing he can't even be on time to arranged contact and is consistently emotionally abusing DS during those sessions. He'll he lucky to get what I offered in the last hearing.

A true story to illustrate that solicitors are just there for the money

I was a claims manager we sent the customer vouchers to settle a claim. She changed her mind and sent them back in thd normal post . They got lost. As she didn't take any care and had no proof we said nothing could be done and closed the claim.

A solicitor wrote . I replied pointing out she didn't exercise reasons care and had no proof so there was nothing we could do and she couldn't make a second claim as insurance has an implied and case law supported rule that you always act as if uninsured.

Solicitor wrote back threatening legal action. On the same day we got another letter from a different solicitor repeating what solicitor one said in their first letter.

Clearly solicitor one told her I was right...but still took the money to write to me again.

I simply photocopied all of the letters and sent them to both solicitors with a brief note explaining i was right

So op just write back to the solicitor tell them to go ahead and pointing out that given your ex forgot contact its very very unlikely any court would find in his favour and that social services have already intervened in contact. Re the rate (and I am really sorry that happened to you) remind him that any action would take place in open court and that his name would forevermore be linked to a rape case.

I would also tell the solicitor that you know they are just representing their client but just because its a letter from a solicitor you are not concerned about the contents because you all know its absolutely ridiculous.

Don't ever be afraid of solicitors...they are human and most actually don't know all that much about the law

Just ignore it. You have a plan in place already. Solicitors will write any letters they’re asked. That’s how they make money. We have a dad at my dc’s school who has his solicitor write a letter to the parents of every child who upsets his precious child calling it harassment and threatening all sorts of legal ramifications if our dc won’t be friends with his. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Okay then. It’s just billable time. Ignore.

I'd reply with a simple 'see you in court'. Or ignore - every letter he sends he has to pay for.

You dont have to reply to the letter?
If he wants those demands, then he has to pay the costs to apply.
This manipulation.

I would reply to the solicitor several times asking different questions, a few days apart, so ex incurs additional costs each time solicitor has to contact you.

What an awful, useless man OP - you must be so pleased to get rid of him, even though you have to put up with these legal wranglings now.

Solicitors will essentially write whatever a client tells them to. A good solicitor will advise against saying xyz, but will probably write it if instructed to.

Probably wise to reply, politely declining his offer to settle out of court and that this will be dealt with by the Judge in the next hearing.

My ex husband had 6 yes six solicitors during our divorce and then two yrs post divorce legal proceedings. Sometimes two showed up and my solicitor had to tell one of them…oh sorry didn’t steve tell you he fired you?

behind the scenes all the solicitors of family court are friendly colleagues and court is a money making business. Retrospectively I feel the legal system (in the USA) allows abusive men to continue to financially and sometimes verbally abuse their wives for another two years just to keep the money coming in and the legal system standing.

@thetimeisnow Oh no they're going to charge me for it because it's my fault they're having to take it to court. There's a line something along the lines of how it will cost me if I'm not cooperative or something like that as well. And they mentioned the child maintenance that he'd be willing to pay it after listing their demands. It's exactly the kind of threats I'd get back when his abuse worked on me. Now it's just laughable. Like honestly, I have a mortgage on the house, I literally cannot give you the house without you paying it off. A court can't even demand I transfer it because a bank owns half of it.

@NotAnotherScarf honestly part of me actually feels bad for him that they're swindling him for so much money and not giving him any advice. He must be over 10k now, and they're not even checking in to remind him when the contact schedule changes and how he should behave during handover.

Tbh I did reply because I don't want them going into court claiming they tried to resolve things but I was non responsive. But my reply was rather unprofessional, I told them it was laughable to be hours late to see your child then demand 5050 and that their threats have absolutely no basis and nothing to do with our child. I'd sent them an email about the recent contact, how he was late and then did handover in a dangerous and upsetting way for our young DS that was not what was agreed in court. I was expecting a snarky reply to that. But what got was just absolutely laughable, the audacity!

Don't lose your temper rise above it keep your cool state facts if you have too but ignore threats

@Esmeraldathe3rd Are you in the house now, until it sells? Your ex sounds like a petulant little boy who keeps wanting everything his way, as if he had the right to demand it.

Stay strong, document everything, always. Are you allowed to record your interactions without him knowing?

How is your DS doing with the visits? I am sorry that you and your DS are in this situation and I hope it gets resolved soon.😟

Solicitors shouldn’t just do what their clients tell them to. It sounds as if that letter - with potential threat about action against you in relation to the rape allegation - if you don’t do what their client wants for child arrangements - may well have crossed a line. There was a recent case of a family solicitor being struck off for misleading the in person other party with threats of issuing proceedings (that were fictional).
You might want to consider making a formal complaint to the firm about the solicitor in relation to this threat and also the conflation of financial and children matters in an inappropriate way.
If they don’t resolve it you could consider a complaint to the SRA.
I’m a family solicitor and it’s depressing to read about such poor practice.

Solicitors will accept a client's money and write whatever the client wants. It does not follow that your ex has a legal leg to stand on. Keep on acting in your child's best interests and complying with the court order as as long as that isn't in conflict with your child's best interests - if there is a clash between these two, then yes you'll need to return to the court to explain why. Otherwise, ignore his ranting.

I’d always reply to things like this, even if it’s a case of “got the email. I will not be going outside of court. If you’d like to take it further, I’ll see you in court.”

Let him send the letters. It will cost him which is his own fault.

I think its brilliant tou can see how ridiculous it is now. It can take so much work to stop responding to their threats and accusations and all the rest.

Characters like this really believe the shit thry are saying so you cant argue. Just sit back knowing no judge eikk support that!

(There's a woman on here a few years ago whose ex, years later, was sending increadingly crazi solicitor letters demanding things like she pay him bavk for "storing" they're dc's stuff poat divorce, petrol money for trips they took while they were married, ans her engagement ring
They are all batshit)

If it is any consolation solution his solicitor probably thinks he is a complete wanker but solicitors have to act on instructions from their clients. They may well have tried to advise against but if the client says “write this” they have to write that.

Reminding him when the contact is and how to behave is not a solicitor’s job. They aren’t his mother.

I’m sorry you’re embroiled with such a cunt OP but I agree ignore the letter and let the courts deal with it. Solicitors can only act on their client’s instructions and based on what their client tells them and I imagine he’s been economical with the truth.

Document everything, obviously keep copies of letters, threats etc and take to court. They cannot threaten you with cost items not their place to issue judgement but just be factual hard but necessary.
what does your solicitor say

@AnnoyedAsAllHeck no, he is. He lives in my house free of charge and I've made no issue of it. The financial order states that he has to pay me the sum of the mortgage so the mortgage can be paid off and then I have to transfer him the house. He has not paid the mortgage off. I have had the documents sent to him from the mortgage lender with a date and an amount that needed to be paid twice. And he has refused. So there is literally nothing I can do.

I've presented recordings to the judge of all sorts, they don't care, I literally showed that he had submitted forged evidence to court. They don't care.

DS is struggling. His dad uses every contact visit to update him on the court proceedings. About how I am stopping him from spending more time with him. How I'm telling the courts when DS tells me stuff. So he comes out of contact upset. But legally I am court ordered to let him or I could lose him all together.

A solicitor will start with a higher demand than they think they'll get. Then it looks reasonable when their client agrees to a reduced offer.

@Esmeraldathe3rd

“Dear solicitor

thank you for your e mail/letter of xx.

The contents of which are noted”

that is always the best approach to stupid stuff.

Yes this. He baited you and you gave him a response, which I'm sure he was pleased about.

Just keep it as brief as possible, no opinions etc, just "message received, I will not be changing anything at this time".