To think this email from my exes solicitor is just absolutely laughable

[Esmeraldathe3rd]

DSs dad is on an increasing schedule of contact during our court process, started with supported and he's now on one-one. (Contact originally stopped because social services though he was a danger, before what he had alternate weekends plus some extras in hols)

Last weekend was his first full day. He was 3hrs late because he forgot about it. Now I get an email off his solicitor requesting we agree outside of court 5050 shared care or they'll take me to court over 1.unrelated and 2. Completely in my favour, financial issues. Essentially threatening me that if I don't agree it'll cost me. Also threatening to take MY allegations of rape against him, further, like how? You raped me, I agreed not to press charges, what are you going to do?

I just cannot imagine being so arrogant that I would be 3 hours late to see my son and then demand shared care?! CAFCAS is not reccomeding shared care. The judge scoffed at the last hearing when he said he was insisting on shared care. In what world would I agree to that?

And honestly why would his solicitor support that, they seem like the most incompetent people I've ever met, it baffles me.

Sad to read about this and another example of why there should be changes to the law, so that such ridiculous behaviour has consequences. I would love there to be some definition of a form of bullying using legal processes, which carried some sanction.

Hope the judges see sense, and as suggested, the minimum response for now of acknowledgment seems a sensible course of action.

So do lawyers not have some sort of code of conduct or something? Are they not actually obliged to refrain from giving clients advice that's just legally wrong? Or from not telling the client "no, I'm not going to send someone a letter full of pseudo-legalese that's just wrong"? I'm thinking of the pp who said someone she knows who sends legal letters to people whose kids won't be friends with his. Is the solicitor not actually obliged to tell him this isn't a legal matter and he'd be wasting his money?

And honestly why would his solicitor support that, they seem like the most incompetent people I've ever met, it baffles me

Because they're being paid to say what the client wants them to say? Solicitors would be much poorer if people didn't need them so it isn't in their interest to work for a quiet solution. Look at the Prince Harry trial, those barristers etc must be clapping their hands every time Harry comes up with another batshit idea.

@Esmeraldathe3rd

I agree with PPs. Respond with absolutely no emotion and no information. If you respond as you did it gives them insight into your thought processes and possibly either into your strategies or what their strategies should aim for. It may feel good to respond with snark but it really doesn't do anything to help you.

"I have received your communication, the contents have been noted" or "passed on to my solicitor" if you have one.

Try Arkell V Pressdram as a response

https://jollycontrarian.com/index.php/Arkell_v_Pressdram

Or

https://www.sra.org.uk/solicitors/standards-regulations/code-conduct-solicitors/

In particular 2.4

1. You only make assertions or put forward statements, representations or submissions to the court or others which are properly arguable.

How do some solicitors sleep at night - I know they say they’re just ’doing their job’ but jeez it beggars belief to us ordinary people!!
Good luck OP - sounds like you and your son deserve much better especially from your horrific ex and his solicitor.

Op he sounds like a right bellend. Mine used to love sending me solicitors letters. For ridiculous reasons. I just ignored them. Our dc were late teens early twenties and he actually demanded he had them 50/50 , they were adults ffs lol. They were baffled as they saw him regularly around uni, jobs, college. Bloody prat. We’ve been divorced 30 years now but I got a letter last year demanding I inform him what illness I have and what my provisions for the dc will be if I die. Had a right good laugh over that belter

lots of people have told me I should write a book about all the claptrap my ex used to dream up! My solicitor called him a fantasist.. I just call him a knob

Hang in there OP, keep a detailed diary of all the nonsense and let the judge tell him what he needs to do.

I’m not sure the solicitor is swindling him and I’m bemused you’re blaming rhe solicitor. The solicitor is acting on instruction from the client, they are likely advising low likely hood or in advisable etc but you’ve no idea what he’s telling rhe solicitor.

this is your ex. He’s the one to blame. This is not the solicitor,

This seems so unfair for you and your poor ds. Sending sympathy.

Dear Solicitor

Thank you for your most recent correspondence.
Please advise when Cockwomble Ex is planning to pay off the mortgage as agreed.

Yours Sincerely
Esmeraldathe3rd

i would reply thanks for letter currently happy with court proposal and please note late 3 hours. Short and sweet

Are you able to move further away so that its harder for him to get to you ?

Well the thing is, I fully expect this kind of thing from him. Not a thing has surprised me, from HIM. But these are educated, sensible people surely. How are they this idiotic. To send me an email after he's just forgot about his scheduled contact to demand 5050 and threaten me with my own rape "allegations" my own car, my own house and his measly child maintenance. I know he's this stupid and arrogant and quite frankly an abusive bully, but I'm surprised that they are happy to slap their name on that drivel.

From what you’ve described, that letter isn’t really on. Solicitors aren’t allowed to use their position to take advantage of others, for example, use scary legal sounding letters to threaten things like ‘agree to this out of course or else it’ll cost you’. I’d suggest speaking to the SRA and see what they think of the letter. They might not be too happy about it at all.

I did a few years back. Apparently he's moving to where I live. Despite me getting notifications every month that his personal and business bank accounts are in unnarranged overdraft, knowing full well how much he is working and how much he is earning, which is not alot. And I own the house he lives in so he can't sell that. I don't believe he is moving, he is refusing to allow CAFCAS to do a home visit but they're still reccomending overnights. But I also can't fathom that he would be arguing for the level of contact that he is if he isnt moving because it would be a nightmare for both him and DS. But then I am fully aware he will choose to punish DS and himself, so long as it also punishes me.

Honestly? Let him hang himself. Don’t do anything. I have a close family member who got full custody and he didn’t have to do anything, he just let his ex sabotage herself in court as she got caught up in her own web of lies and the court saw straight through it. What’s the saying? Don’t interrupt when someone is making an idiot of themselves. If I was you I’d sit back and enjoy the show.

My guess is that it's not so much a case of his solicitor being crap and/or fleecing him, but a case of him telling his solicitor a load of bollocks. You'd be amazed how many people will give their lawyer a completely twisted account of their situation - it's almost as if they think that by telling a solicitor that something happened a certain way, it will magically become true. It happens in family law and also in criminal law.

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this shit, but at least it's pretty clear that any judge is likely to laugh in his face.

As I've said most know little or nothing of the law... believe me I was in insurance claims for 10 years. I've also, when I walked away from the corporate bollocks, had to help a lady in her 90s sort her late husband's will because the solicitor was sooooo shite.

Sorry to all you professional solicitors out there but we know that a lot of the work is passed to para legals many of whom have no qualifications.

Everyone bows to solicitors...most of them are crap.

Yes but solicitors are regulated by the SRA and paralegals must be actively supervised by solicitors. Solicitors can’t send misleading threats in letters. They can’t just write whatever their client tells them to. We have a code of conduct. Solicitors really don’t like complaints and threats of referrals to the SRA and if you think they’ve breached their professional duties you should make a complaint- first to the firm and then if necessary to the SRA.

How old is DS because at some point - the child’s opinion starts to mean something. For my son it was when he was 11. He just refused to go. Good luck.

You would be surprised. In some firms, 'supervision' is reduced to 'sign off/take the blame if it goes wrong', and despite a lot of scrutiny around SLAPPs, aggressive yet baseless litigation (read: 'who has deeper pockets' bullying), and acting in the public interest after the Post Office/Horizon scandal, the SRA won't be interested in a report like this.

Just today there was an article where Mitch Winehouse got slapped with the other side's costs because the judge deemed the approach from his solicitors to be needlessly aggressive. But it's Winehouse's bill to pay...

"He was advised by London media law firm Russells, which he told the auctioneers were “the finest and most aggressive attorneys in London”.
Judge Clarke recounted: “Within days of the 2021 auction, he instructed his solicitors to bombard the defendants with aggressive letters making serious allegations of deceit and dishonesty and continued in a similar vein up to and including the trial.”
Mr Winehouse “deliberately turned this case into large-scale and expensive litigation, in circumstances calculated to exert commercial pressure on the defendants to settle on his terms”."

https://www.legalfutures.co.uk/latest-news/judge-hits-out-at-unpleasant-approach-of-winehouse-solicitor

They will send you whatever he instructs them to send you. He is their client.

My ex managed to get a solicitor to write me a snotty letter demanding more contact with our DCs and threatening court if I didn't comply. I wrote back saying that I'd be happy to consider increasing contact once their client could be arsed to turn up for the contact schedule that had already been agreed. I helpfully included the log I'd kept of the huge amounts of contact had been missed along with the records of exactly what my ex had done to cause our DCs to end up on the child protection register and for them to be living with me full time.

When I didn't hear anything back I sent another letter to the solicitor and, quelle surprise, it turned out my ex was no longer instructing her. I can only imagine my ex was less than honest about the background of the case.

So, you are paying the mortgage for him to live in your house? That's crazy as hell!
The courts are screwy when they allow this crap to happen.

I am sorry that your ex is such a twat-waffle and is hurting your DS and you with his out of control, immature, hateful behavior.