I want to tell daughter in law to stop posing on photos

[woopdedoodle]

I know I'm being unreasonable, I know it's harmless, I know it's none of my business.

But if I see another family holiday picture where its all best profile, drinky with pinky cocked over her straw sunglasses tilted look at my boobs again I'll scream.

Or I can vent here and you can all talk me down before I say something everyone will regret.

I mean just relax, play with the kids, have fun .

The fact I was rung on day one of the school holiday cause she couldn't deal with them might be colouring my attitude to all the time spent styling, posing and collating perfect pictures must be taking. But I'm old school and my kids weren't accessories.

I do feel better now, thank you for listening.

It was sticking the tongue out at one time, so it sounds better than that!

It's trashy as all get out, and it's not limited to younger people, so I do completely understand.

One is 52 and you'd swear she's auditioning for the Pirelli calendar. I haven't seen a relaxed and happy photo of her in over 10 years.

I've hidden the social media of all my relatives who do this because it gets on my (saggy menopausal) tits to see what should be nice family snaps becoming a backdrop for flirty, posed magazine shoots of the Instagram-fixated ones.

Rail about it on here where it can't do any harm. Then bite your tongue and move on. They have weird social pressures we've dodged, thank Christ.

yeah its annoying and vacous i blame the kardashians

I have no idea why OP keeps looking at these photos.

But it doesn't detract from how sad it is that taking such photos is now regarded as normal by a whole swathe of appearance obsessed people for whom.social media has warped their view of life, and themselves.

my babies were born 20+ years ago.

I have so few photos of is together.

i’d love to have some photos of me on the beach looking lovely whilst they played alongside me. Or even a family photo of us all looking in the same direction smiling. Instead I have a handful of photos where I’m spilling out of my bikini, my eyes are scrunched up or my hair is stuck to my face.

part of that is because this was pre insta, but part was because I was a 90s girl. Brought up to believe Bridget Jones was fat and nothing tastes as good as skinny feels whilst simultaneously being force fed the notion that caring about photos and how you looked was vacuous and dumb.

You couldn’t “pose” for a photo because as a PP said people would take the piss but only the luckiest few ended up with a snap that wasn’t totally mortifying

My SD is similar and it drives me bonkers. I can't remember when I last saw a picture of her smiling or standing naturally.
She's also recently started messing with her face (and don't come at me, I know it's her face and she can do what she wants) but fuck me she doesn't look like the same person. I showed her DF a video she'd posted on FB a couple of weeks ago and he actually didn't think it was his daughter!

This. There is a very judgey flavour to the original post. Is DIL meant to scowl in pictures and wear a bin bag?! She is “allowed” to pose in pictures, do her hair, have her own interests etc

pose with her, OP. she will find it extremely uncool and will stop 😎

Presumably she knows what she looks like, and its not like a pose drastically changes someones appearance. Of all the people in the photos she's the least likely person OP wants to see a photo of

I get it. I was fascinated on holiday by the way the girls/ women had no fucks to give about how long they stood/ posed in different positions, whilst everyone else went about their business.

I particularly liked the Herbal Essences style poses the girl on the edge of Isola Bella was doing - full on running hands through hair/ over body, like a mermaid whose siren song had failed. Especially as I would feel like such a dick looking back at the photo, knowing it was staged.

Full disclosure: I have 1 dc who would totally do this and 1 who still grimaces at the camera like it's a mug shot.

But people have always posed for photos. Most photos are not candid. Maybe the poses people do these days are different, but most photos are posed. My grandma and her sisters sitting on a beach in their swimwear are 100% posing for a photo, and 100% trying to make their wastes look smaller. How many women do you know that say they hate looking at pictures of themselves? Why not just pose and actually have some photos you like?

I wouldnt do a leg flick, touch my hair photo because I'd find it embarrassing to go to all that effort for my 20 Instagram followers, but I dont have a problem with other women doing that. Its just a pose and takes all of 30 seconds, and women are entitled to have photos where they feel good about themselves

Tell her to watch the documentary about Ruby Franke on BBC. A cautionary tale if ever there was one about posing with your kids for social media!

I know older women who pose excessively for photos. I don't think it's an age thing, more something that is giving an outlet for natural poseurs that wasn't there before.

Not a father HAVING to play with his children

Ruby Franke was a child abuser? I dont think her posing for photos was the issue, you can pose for photos and not abuse your children. Its not like you trip out of the pose and accidentally tie your child up and starve them?

I’m not so sure about the harmless bit. It’s made for a generation of self absorbed and air headed (mainly, but not exclusively) women, who can’t even be bothered to look after their children properly or have normal relationships/ friendships, judging by the endless posts about bridezillas etc.

Recently in Rome, I watched a lovely looking woman spend the best part of her meal with her companion taking pouty selfies with a rose he’d bought her from a street vendor, ridiculous. And yes, I know it didn’t affect me, but I can still comment on it.

It is nauseating, yes. I think the future will judge them as brainwashed. We probably all want naturally pretty DIL who are kind, polite, sensible, and well educated. Hey ho!

I haven't caught any of mine doing this (although youngest dd can be a bit of a one for the four million identical shots of her leaning against a wall), but the pose that gets me is the 'one leg in front of the other, sort of crossed over'. I think it's supposed to make your legs look longer, but it just makes you look as though you've been interrupted on a dash for the loo.

No I think its the fact the day one school hols and granny has to take care of the kids...clearly the dil wasn't working but couldn't cope.

Secondly its the complete fakeness of the posed photo and the image that dil is trying to portray...look at me I am cool and sexy. I have a cousin like this who I know will be in her 50s (I've got 56 first cousins so its hard to keep up) but every and there are plenty, photo has her looking 20 and in exotic places. I am a member of a fb group on motorhomes and there's one woman who posts and 99% of her photos are filtered so she looks 25 and her husband looks like a dirty old man in his 60s...again she posts a lot and occasionally slips up and you see that she is also in her 60s

Thing is both my cousin and this lady are attractive women...they just aren't prepared to admit their age.

With the dil she's also showing a fake side of her life...the fakeness is impacting the op though.

Social media has given people the idea that life must be perfect continually and as this forum proves ...its not

It's actually slimming...I do it all the time. Sadly I'm a fat bloke in his late 50s, bald and so doesn't do much

It's a bit cringey for sure, but probably in line with how her friends are sharing photos, rather than your friends. Definitely say nothing. There's probably a low self confidence issue here, please don't make it worse. And as others have said, just don't look at them and maybe ask your son to send you a nice edit of ones with the kids after the holiday.
My ex-MIL used to make snide remarks about my appearance and clothes (I was never good enough) and 15-20 years later I still remember them all.

Yup If you love the kids and like having them around then have the kids, if you don't want to have them so often/at all then say so and stop looking at the pictures, job done.

DILs bitch about their MILs constantly on here. That’s ok though???

I like your style @woopdedoodle😂
Say it loud and proud 👏
Im sick of the fake posing on the "gram" too.

Op this is mean hearted. Her taking a few photos ( like many do) does not take time away from being decent mum.
Did you not ever take a few moments for yourself when your kids were young? Did that mean you couldn’t also struggle a bit ?