To find "holidays" absolutely insanely stressful

[Muddlemummy]

I know everyone seems to joke " ha ha ha I need another holiday to get over the family holiday" but feeling totally burnt out and ashamed at how awful I found 3 nights away. Tried everything to prepare and it's less than 3hours drive, self catering house so got fridge, bedrooms etc, Suffolk so basic beach, castles, parks etc. nothing ott.

Got 3 and 5 year old and things seem to be getting worse not better each time we go away. Not sure I am looking for advice but just desperate to unload.

Trying not to compare and despair but feel so awful at how draining it was despite hands on husband. Usual story of mental load making my brain explode

You’re doing all the same work in another place without your own stuff, with 2 small children. Of course it’s not a holiday. It will be lovely when they’re older.

I always wonder whether the people who say self catering is no holiday at all work. We always go self catering and it very much doesn't feel like 'same shit different place' to me - we're both off work, so constantly have two adults to split all chores, and it's massively reduced anyway: no laundry, minimal cleaning. We usually eat one meal out (but usually lunch) and one in per day. It is very much a break from the pressure of normal life to us, I feel a bit jealous of anyone who feels like their usual life feels like a self-catering holiday!

At that age we went to Butlins. I know people hate it, but the kids loved the shows, fairground rides, pool, soft play, entertainment. If they were happy then it did feel like a break.

Self catering is never a holiday, it's just a change of venue.

I love holidays with the DC, yes it's lots of the same shit different place but it's just better. My DH is away a lot so it's great for me because he's actually there for 2 weeks solid. We always do self catering since having DC but we only eat breakfast in (unless the weather is shit when we might have a takeaway) or to make a packed lunch if we're having a day at theme park or zoo. I usually chuck a wash on half way through but it's much less work than our usual week. Kids still go to bed at a reasonable hour in their own room, we can catch up on reading or TV, drink wine and do other adult things.

I think 3 nights with a long journey is probably the worst - big disruption for little time off. We do mini breaks with DC twice a year but we only go an hour/90 minutes from home so there's no big drive to contend with.

Going anywhere with little kids is stressful. I remember flying to the Canaries when they just brought in the liquids rule, DDs were very small and we basically queued when we got in, all the way round the airport until we got on the plane, having to tag team to go and buy a book etc. Security very stressful, opening milk and packages while wrangling children, I had just about relaxed when it was time to come back. Then coming back DDs were ill, we didn't get DD2's pushchair back until after passport control where there was an hour's wait in a crowded, sweaty hall, and lost her for several minutes in the crush. Practically got PTSD from flying with small kids, it was just shit.

I can see why people just drive somewhere, and self-catering, as hotels are stressful with small children, trying to not have them running amok, spilling things, sitting still at the right times etc all in a different environment for them.

The best thing is the do get better as they get older and if you can ford the moany teen years you may get to the stage of having a holiday with other civilised adults, and/or or your own! Bliss.

@TheRealMagicI have the summer off work & was in Cornwall last week self catering. I like it because I like the freedom but we do eat out a lot.

I think holidays with young children are never going to be entirely relaxing.

It won't suit everyone, but we largely took a very different approach to what others are suggesting. After trying to have a family-friendly beach holiday and not enjoying it much at all (turned out DD didn't much like beaches, you have to monitor them all the time so it's not really relaxing and just a bit dull) we decided to take them to exciting places that we wanted to go to, so even if it wasn't relaxing it was still a fun adventure. At ages 5 and 6 we went to Japan for 2 weeks and travelled to different places by train, all independently. It wasn't relaxing as such, but at least it was more interesting than the beach. And if they were being a bit grumpyoccasionally, I wasn't thinking "you were supposed to enjoy this" I was thinking "fair enough, this was mainly for me, and actually you're coping pretty well". They were no more trouble than at a "relaxed" holiday. We went on to have further adventures, but that was the first.

I don’t understand why people take toddlers to Disney land, but they do. The French one I get as you can drive to it easily enough , but a long journey on a plane and the expense and they won’t remember it at all, I don’t get that. I suppose we all have different expectations and people will argue it’s all about the experience, but wait till they can enjoy it too! ( I know I’ll be flamed , nothing to do with me etc)

Agree. I don't understand it at all! Sorting out some food really doesn't have to be much work. In fact walking down to the local market, pottering about in the kitchen, can all be part of a nice relaxed holiday. I even enjoy foreign supermarkets - they are interesting! For me, having a spacious kitchen and big fridge full of nice local food, helping yourself to food and drink you want, when you want, eating all your meals in the garden, no one else around, is much more appealing than any AI resort I can imagine.

i am just back from my 1st self catering holiday with my husband, yes we do work, i work full time and my husband is a farmer so work never ever stops. it did feel like same shite different day a bit, we had to do some laundry as towels weren't being replaced every few days and i spilt a load of make up by accident on the sheets - if in a hotel, we would just get these replaced. Having to go out for bread milk etc was a pain, especially when the local shop ran out of milk, deliveries don't arrive till 11:30am was told. There was no dishwasher either, we like a tidy place and cant relax in mess etc so for us we did have the pressure of normal life. When we sat down at home after and added up what we spent on food alone, we actually spent more than we did on previous holidays. No sorry never again, from now on will be hotels, i can walk downstairs eat all i want for breakfast without having to worry do i need to go buy mil, when leave room for the day will come back and my bed is made, towels and glasses replaced when required with clean ones.

I often see people with little children around anywhere ( not always on holiday ) and I remember those days of trying to keep them occupied or not crying or getting them to behave or doing things you think they may like and discovering they don’t much or being over tired.
It does pass and gets easier, but at the time it can be overwhelming and airports are definitely more stressful now and a lot of doing it yourself as well, which adds to the stress.

3 hours drive for 3 nights is a lot for kids that age. For 3 nights I’d want no more than 1.5 hours drive and somewhere I know where everything is.

Thank you all. I'm going to step away now and ponder our next "break"!! Feeling better after a night's sleep and some perspective. Lots of pros and cons for everything. We live and learn!! Good luck to everyone for the summer whether staying at home, venturing out or jetting off.
"All joy, no fun" !

I think there’s a difference between doing it for a week (or two) and driving three hours to stay fairly close to home for three days with little kids who don’t have a chance to settle into “holiday mode” before everything is packed up and they’re off back home again.

We did self catering when ours were little. It’s no holiday - you just move the work somewhere with fewer aids and less space. And yet still so bloody expensive.

we started going to hotels a few years ago and it revolutionised holidays. No cooking, no cleaning, fresh towels when you want them, someone to change your bed. It’s honestly the best thing we ever did and I have no idea why we didn’t do it earlier.

we quite like peace and quiet and don’t want large group of shouty raucous people or loads of badly behaved/entitled/annoying kids. So you do have to choose carefully - read reviews.

Why would an airport be more stressful than a long drive and self catering? It’s how you approach things. I took my 3 month old to the Caribbean and my friend took her 3 month old to Devon as it was less stressful. Less stressful actually ended up being a long drive, rainy weather, self catering and not much to do.

Once you tackle the airport you can have guaranteed sun, someone cooking and cleaning for you, kids clubs etc.

Op the main thing to take from this thread is that you are not alone, many (dare I say most?) parents would say the same thing about self catering holidays. Some of ours made me want to divorce them all, not because I hate my family but because I was so devastated that this idea of a ‘holiday’ was just so awful. And more work than usual.

as with all things, remember this will pass! Our holidays now involve hotels but also life is easier with teens - they will read, listen to music, chat to their friends (yes, always bring a friend!) and it’s genuinely a total pleasure. I
wouldn’t holiday without them now!

small kids are absolutely delicious but so so much work. I don’t think any parent is truly prepared for that, however much they want and love their kids.

Well choosing a self-catering house was your first mistake if your aim was a ‘relaxing holiday’!

How did you really expect this to pan out OP?

The holiday ads don’t help. Happy parents , children having fun on the beach , it’s all made to make us feel bad when we don’t have a good time or it’s so stressful you wondered why you went !

This is how I feel too!

Also - and I know this is terribly indelicate of me - I don't understand how people have sex with their partner if they go on a holiday where the whole family shares a hotel room. And for me a holiday where I still have to make the odd sandwich is very much a holiday, but a holiday with no sex is not!

That's what I thought 🤔

I found out much too late that the people who loved their little mini breaks with small children, also loved these breaks with their parents or extended family. Granny doing all the cooking, cleaning and childcare really would make it a holiday! Sadly that was never an option for us, so we didn't travel much when DC were that age. When the youngest was 6 or 7, it started to get easier, but also more expensive. You can't win!

I remember seeing a reel that said something like ‘holidays with children is just parenting in another location’ and it’s literally that. They don’t miraculously stop their nonsense just because you’re away. Solidarity!

The supermarket and did doing is one of my favorite parts of a self catering holiday