To find "holidays" absolutely insanely stressful

[Muddlemummy]

I know everyone seems to joke " ha ha ha I need another holiday to get over the family holiday" but feeling totally burnt out and ashamed at how awful I found 3 nights away. Tried everything to prepare and it's less than 3hours drive, self catering house so got fridge, bedrooms etc, Suffolk so basic beach, castles, parks etc. nothing ott.

Got 3 and 5 year old and things seem to be getting worse not better each time we go away. Not sure I am looking for advice but just desperate to unload.

Trying not to compare and despair but feel so awful at how draining it was despite hands on husband. Usual story of mental load making my brain explode

Exactly .

OP, I think 3 nights is really hard. The potential for nobody to sleep on the first night due to novelty is high, you have the next night which will probably be better and then the following night you are packing up.

We did do self catering holidays when the kids were little, usually in France for a week. I liked self catering because kids could go to bed and adults could stay up when they were very little. I didn't fancy being stuck in a hotel room with a sleeping little one.

We always got one with a pool or stayed in a mobile home on a campsite with one and would go on day trips some days but in all honesty, a trip to a French supermarket often enthralled everyone sufficiently and we'd return to the pool. We mostly barbecued.

If you don't like things too hot like me have you considered doing a holiday at Easter or in May? Things won't be as busy, it will be cheaper and it might feel less hectic.

If you don't fancy AI or planes/airports, I can thoroughly recommend a mobile home on a French campsite accessed by ferry/car. The French holiday largely in France, the atmosphere is calm and the activities are good for children. We never did kids clubs but were never short of entertainment.

I kept a packing list to try to cut down on the mental load and we ate out a few times. Usually there is a sort of terrace attached and DH and would have a few drinks out there after the kids went to bed. DH is weirdly enthusiastic about doing laundry on holiday so we would often return without any washing to do having done it there. Pay extra for sheets/towels/cleaning services.

This is a ridiculous comment.

Plenty of people enjoy going away with their children and don’t find it cripplingly stressful.

Your holiday wasn’t a holiday for you and that’s the problem. We went to Cornwall during Covid and vowed to never do it again. Kids were 5 and 8 and really well behaved but it was just hard work. Once Covid was over we went back to all inclusive (been before Covid). It’s not the type of holiday dh and I would have chosen before kids, but it was an actual break and we had the rest we needed. They’re 10 and 13 now and we’re only now going to try a villa. I can’t see how anyone could find your holiday relaxing with young children. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just how it is with young kids and self-catering cottage holiday.

I think some people get really wound up about being out of their comfort zone so a lot of this stems from your own personality rather than being on holiday or your kids.

Personally I don’t see the big deal about packing or the stress of being away, it’s not really a thing for me. We love booking one or two nights away. The kids are 5&2 and generally sleep together in a double while away.
Its slightly more hassle for us recently as our youngest now has additional medical needs to there is a lot of pack and organise from that aspect, and the stress of having enough back ups et.
General packing, exploring while away is all just quite fun and nice though!

Do you think you’re an over thinker and that adds to it?

"same shit different place" adays is what they should be called.

To be honest, time anywhere with 3 and 5yos isn't exactly fun. They're tricky ages but things will only get better as they age.

5 years on from where you are we've done a successful tour holiday with 2 nights in multiple places.

I don't have this expeirence, but I can imagine how it can be difficult. Small kids can sleep badly in new places and be very difficult out of their usual routine. I remember one year my toddler was scared of the bath at the cottage and didn't like showers, so that was a battle I didn't need.

This has predictably turned into a self catering bashing thread by the AI devotees. I personally never cook or do housework on any holiday - there are these amazing things called restaurants and cafes we have in the UK.

So we actually didn't find the very expensive AI we went on last year very relaxing. Firstly, there was the packing, then the airport, then it was super-hot so we couldn't actually explore our location with the kids as intended as wouldn't have been fair on them in the heat, so we ended up spending the entire week in the hotel either in the pool or the air-conditioned spaces. The kids didn't really want to go to the kids club, and the times didn't really fit with our family routine, so we were getting everyone up earlier than we would usually to get them to the kids club. Youngest child was practically devoured by giant mosquitos and I was slapping factor 50 on everyone every 5 minutes. The buffet restaurant was great for adults (tried lots of new things), but less good for our fussy eaters (older one suspected ARFID) who ate mostly bread and ice cream and were probably the only ones in the resort that week who lost weight.

I find UK seaside trips much less stressful, but we always go somewhere with a pool, ideally within a few minutes walk of the beach and I plan meals carefully to be incredibly easy (fish fingers, pizza, fries with some veg/fruit on the side for the kids and then we eat out while they have ice cream). And we've done them enough times now to know what we have to bring for the pool/beach/kitchen, so I just shove everything in separate bags and accept we're taking loads of stuff with us. I wouldn't go for 3 days either, you need at least a week to make up for all the packing!

You have to remember that in a self catering holiday it's pretty much going to be the same as at home, whatever that might be. I've always enjoyed all types of holiday wherever we go . Also I've never found airports stressful. It's all part of the holiday and I love it (provided we arrive in plenty of time, never had any problem)

I’ve never been keen on holidays , but it is easier without little children. Those holidays were a mix of the odd nice memory and a day out and the rest was difficult especially if the weather wasn’t great.
I have trouble sleeping and end up with tummy trouble of one kind or another and it takes a while to get used to a new routine.
I do feel there are ‘ holiday people ‘ and those who struggle and I’m in the later group. Happier on the way home sometimes. Which I know sounds bad for those who never have one or can’t afford a break.
Dh mostly pushed for a holiday though , I think he thought it might be different to being at home with children and that is debatable!

I agree this has turned into a self catering criticism thread.
At least with a self catered cottage you can go downstairs to the living room once the kids are in bed and relax! Much better than all being crammed into one bedroom so you either have to keep small children up until 10pm and get no break or you put them to bed at a normal time then creep around the room whispering to eachother.
People always talk about how much housework there is on a self catered holiday but I do no laundry, I just take enough for a week, I only hire places with a dishwasher and we eat out 90% of the time. Surely you need to do an awful lot of tidying if you're all crammed into one hotel room or it would look like a bombsite in a day.
I personally don't put my kids in childcare while we're on holiday together so anywhere with a kids club wouldn't be of benefit to us.
I think it'll get easier once the kids are older, and if you'd gone for a week I think you'd have had a more relaxing second half of the week.

What you describe isn’t a holiday really - it’s just the same shit in a different house without the convenience of actually being at home. You’d have been better off just doing day trips.

i didn’t find holidays anywhere relaxing with under 5s.

it gets easier when you can take your eyes off them around the pool without worrying they will drown. When they make friends with other kids and stop asking you to play with them all day long. When they sleep reliably. When they can stay up late into the evenings which is the best time to eat as it is cooler. When they will lie in a bit the next day. When they can put their own sun cream on (with you watching and checking they’ve done it well enough).

i remember years of staring at people reading books on sun loungers and being insanely jealous. I now look over my book at younger mums and dads and feel for them. As my teenage son hands me a G&T he’s just made me and brought me down from the apartment 🤣

I’ve done caravans and holiday cottages and AI over the years I agree that self catering can be easier with small children, but eating out is expensive and you do end up having to cook and clean. Once they became teenagers we went away less. Especially after the week of rain we had in the UK and then you end up spending more trying to stay dry ( probably not too much of a problem this summer so far in many places!)

Stay somewhere closer, stay longer. 3 night stays are such hard work IMO. It takes a couple of days to unwind and get into a routine. 6 hrs driving for 2 days isn’t worth it. The weekend breaks you’re seeing everyone else ‘perfecting’ are presumably all on SM and have been posted for that exact purpose.

These were my "same shit, different location" days away.

Self catering is only relaxing if you eat out for every meal

Self catering is hard but so is eating out with small children especially in the evening when they are tired and cranky. We've always gone on self catering holidays as a family and agree it's not a break. But I like exploring different european cities, so for me it's worth the hassle as I wouldn't enjoy a beach holiday as much, so it is what it is. Mine are now 15 and 17 but I actually found it easier when they were younger as we would sigh see in the morning and then play in a park in the afternoon and DH and I would take turns keeping an eye on them/reading books so it was actually quite relaxing. My 2 were easy going though and very much into playing with each other so it was easier. Now they moan about being dragged around cities unless bribed with food/treats so it's actually harder work!
I did take them both individually on all-inclusive breaks after their GCSEs and that was very relaxing for me, but it was only 4 nights and that was perfect.

We had an awful caravan holiday when mine were about that age. We ended up coming home a day early.

We did have some good ones though. Best ones were going away with another family so we could share the load a bit (hide in the caravan drinking gin). Or the ones where we packed the itinerary with visits so they didn’t really have time to get stroppy.

The AIs abroad were good but autistic DS couldn’t use the kids clubs and we still didn’t get much time to relax. I’ve now given up on holidays until mine are adults!

3hrs for 3 nights is too far with little kids. Less than 2 hrs would be my limit.

As someone who has just driven 1500miles across Europe, stopping in 8 different self catering accommodations over two weeks, with a 2.5yr old and 20weeks pregnant - I can’t really compute what was so challenging, unless you just aren’t used to being away from home. Our in laws are three hours away so we regularly travel there for Friday-Sunday.

self catering is great because you can do what you want, when you want. We keep breakfast basics then a box containing salt and pepper, oil etc. sometimes we eat in, sometimes we eat out. It’s a few days so a couple of meals of chips on the beach isn’t going to kill anyone. A small bag of familiar toys.
@Whatevergoes2025 those are perfect ages for visiting castles. We stopped at so many in our trip through Europe. Space to burn off steam, exciting tunnels and walk ways, often high parapets to climb and explore, sometimes knights armour etc on display, and in the UK usually activities on for children of all ages. You have to go with a plan for the days, but also some flexibility - do your research to see what’s reasonably close by so you aren’t driving hours each day, but enough in you aren’t stuck at home. Then when the kids are in bed each night, crack open a bottle of wine and put your feet up. Make sure your meals are simple, you don’t need haut cuisine for 3 days. Just tasty and filling. If you don’t want to do washing, just bring a washing bag and stick it all in to take
home. Cleaning only has to be basic to keep the place in good condition and to meet your leaving requirements.
Will the kids fight and moan? Yeah of course,
they haven’t had personality transplants. They’re still your kids. But you’re opening their eyes to a different part of the world, new experiences and places and if you let them see your enjoyment, they will feed on that.
before anyone says oh but you’ve only got one toddler - yes, but we often travel with family
with older kids too, and my parents did the same with me and my brother from a very young age.

I’ve always came home early from holidays with little children. You usually have to be out most places by 10 or 11, so easier to pack up and come back the day before. The worst was a holiday abroad where the flight was a late one , no choice then. It’s all swings and roundabouts isn’t it.

I've been on Mumsnet for over 20 years and was always sold this idea of mini breaks, and how great they were and we never enjoyed them because the kids never slept and it was worse than being at home. My kids were normally even pretty agreeable most of the time!
Ask yourself who you were doing this mini break for? Would a long day at the beach be better with fish and chips on the way home?

Or if you've got the money, go to an all-inclusive abroad With kids activities, the kind of place you wouldn't have touched with a barge pole until became a parent

@Muddlemummyif it makes you feel better after a disaster of two trips abroad I decided to stay in the UK whilst they were younger. I think it’s just hard at that age.

The UK isn’t that keen on children in restaurants either , so that can be a challenge if you want to eat somewhere that isn’t fast food or a take out.
Prob why people prefer AI hotels where it’s more geared up for families and you expect it to be noisy and full on. I know people who would never go AI at all as they think it’s vulgar though and prefer eating out.