To find "holidays" absolutely insanely stressful

[Muddlemummy]

I know everyone seems to joke " ha ha ha I need another holiday to get over the family holiday" but feeling totally burnt out and ashamed at how awful I found 3 nights away. Tried everything to prepare and it's less than 3hours drive, self catering house so got fridge, bedrooms etc, Suffolk so basic beach, castles, parks etc. nothing ott.

Got 3 and 5 year old and things seem to be getting worse not better each time we go away. Not sure I am looking for advice but just desperate to unload.

Trying not to compare and despair but feel so awful at how draining it was despite hands on husband. Usual story of mental load making my brain explode

Don’t beat yourself up. You’ve accidentally chosen the most stressful type of holiday with kids that age 😂
I get what you’re saying re heat but 30 odd degrees is different when there’s a lovely cool pool to swim in. Naptimes are in an air conditioned hotel room. Lollies and cold drinks on tap.
mine are grown now and we never go all inclusive but it was an absolute life saver when they were little.
Dust yourself off, move on, and get planning for next year.

We’ve travelled all over since my kids were around 10mo and the place and type of holiday matters SO much.

It will get easier in another 18 months. I think the length of time you went for is a bit short. You packed and prepped and 3 days later you’re packing and prepping to go home.

We have been on a staycation for the last 8 days back home tomorrow but bigger kids are older so able to entertain themselves (ages 13, 10.5 and 5), I only have to entertain the 5 year old.
DH left halfway through the break so been by myself fill the last four days.

We already braved the airports during Easter so decided to do a self catering Air B&B. I usually check out the area and things to do for the youngest, she’s mostly into playgrounds, fields, shops, ice creams 😂
Hope you get a bit of rest at home. Is the youngest in nursery and can you send the eldest to holiday camp for 1 or 2 days to give you a breather?

Someone way, way upstream mentioned a city break. I'm sure they work for some families, but my experience is that they are far better if you take one older child/young adult at a time. That's actually my favourite thing and you get great one on one time.

Holidays with young kids and self catering are really really hard it’s not you OP! I am camping solo atm with my 5yo and the packing took literally days, and it didn’t become easy until our friends arrived and they all played together. Then still it was constant packing of swimming stuff and packed lunches, cooking food and washing up. Definitely NOT a rest. But fun as there were other families and kids there for him to play with while I basically got on with jobs!

Im not a fan of huge heat at that or any age either, and didn’t really enjoy holidays that much until around 15… My choice at that age was -

• stay home but spend holiday money on more day trips/convenience spending
• Camping with a good bunch of other families. Packing and unpacking fairly awful but otherwise genuinely relaxing - always something to do but nothing important.
• holiday camp type place with plenty of onsite activities like a pool, crazy golf, playgrounds etc.

In my experience once your children are adults and you can go away without them 😂

Oh no no no - would you say this to a friend?

Firstly, it's not true at all that everyone else goes on adventures.
But secondly, you can't live your life based on what suits other people (who might be lying anyway!)

Maybe holidays aren't right for you just now. That's ok. Save the money for a future trip, and save your energy for now.

(Apparently a significant proportion of people hate holidays, and of these some force themselves for unknown reasons, and some do genuine staycations.)

I had a similar experience to this last summer, except it was a week in Devon. I swore never again.

We went back to a hotel abroad this year, kids went to kids club, I went to the spa, someone else cooked and cleaned.

Don’t worry OP, we left every holiday early at that age as it was just easier to come home. It does get better as they get older.
I think you have to just totally readjust your expectations of holidays when children are little.

I literally would rather stay at home. So it's not just you.

I find getting the house ready to leave and our bags packed so I can go and stay with my parents for two nights beyond stressful, let alone going away on actual holiday.

YANBU. I only enjoyed holidays at that age when there were going to be extra, helpful hands where we were going!

What exactly is causing the stress for you? Is it the planning beforehand / children not behaving / having to still cook / activities not meeting expectations / something else?

I feel there's a solution to help or solve all of these issues, be that using a travel agent, all-inclusive, tag-teaming with the kids, kid's club, lower expectations of what can fit in a day etc.

But some people just don't like holidays and that's OK.

Your kids are really young. Do kids that age actually like castles? I think I gave up on proper holidays for abit while the kids were young and at their worst. Now they’re older and we are starting up again in a way that totally appeals and caters to them - water/amusement park. Hang in there!

This
self catering is still hard work especially with young kids!
make the most of it and have a good think before booking another SC holiday 😱 until they’re older and can help!

You're on holiday. A staycation means staying at home.

Thank goodness. Reading all the other posts on here I was beginning to think I was the weird one.

I also love self catering breaks and have always found them relaxing. Admittedly:

• we only had one child who was very easy
• DH always shared fully in anything that needed doing

But, no, I never felt holidays were stressful when DD was small. If anything self catering made things less stressful.

With those ages there needs to be something that is done for you vs everyday life, for it to feel like a holiday

So generally either fully catered/eating out so cooking is done for you, or kids club/hands on grandparents so some childcare is done for you; or ideally both.

The only way to make self catering bearable is to pre-agree and budget that all meals will be takeaway dinners and lunch at restaurants. Breakfast could be managed on your own with no cooking. Cooking in a new place is just hell and pointless. Notes for next time perhaps?

We've always done self-catering holidays and only went on a flight for the first time last year. We have one child who is now 5.5 years old.

I think the first holiday was awful when he was a baby. Literally dealing with all the same stuff but none of the familiar things guaranteed to entertain the baby within easy reach. Ours is one of the hyperactive/easily bored type of children. As a toddler he was a serious flight risk. Though all of that is improving with age. But from about 18 months it became more enjoyable and now it's mostly fine. I think you should try again.

We've done a few trips of only 2/3 nights and also longer trips but nothing more than a week. We've done coastal areas, cities and countryside. I think 4/5 nights is perfect for a holiday tbh as we can all get a bit bored after that.

What is really good about a self catering break is that you can always have food to hand that your child will eat without a battle. We tend to do one meal a day out and the rest is easy to prepare stuff. It's brilliant if there's a washing machine as you don't have to worry about bringing loads of spare clothes with you when everything gets covered in mud.

It's good to go somewhere with different activities to do, National Trust, beach, forest, bike rides, mueseums/galleries, different towns or areas of a city to potter, ideally a playground where you stay etc... Make sure each adult gets a chance to do something they want to on their own and that not all activities are child centred. Going round an exhibition for example you can have one with the child whilst the other looks at everything then swap.

I mean obviously it's not a holiday like it would have been before you had children but it can still be enjoyable.

Edited to add, I think it definitely got a lot better from when our child no longer needed to nap as you aren't constantly having to stick to that routine. You may still be in this phase.

You do make a good point, I also have an only child and a DH that isn't a dick! But self catering is the business. Usually much more space. Eat whenever you choose. Exactly what you choose. Sit on your balcony with a glass of wine while the child sleeps. Sleep later if you want, you won't miss breakfast. Just lovely.

It gets easier once they reach the age they don’t need constant supervision, 6/7 years old for the younger. Also never self cater, that’s not a holiday, it’s just life in unfamiliar surroundings. Only exception to the self catering thing is if you have excellent grandparents with you that will get up with dc, bend to every whim, cook food … or failing that a doting uncle who will pay with them constantly! I thankfully had both

Judging by the amount of 3-5 year olds in full meltdown we saw at a theme park earlier this week, it’s definitely not just you @Muddlemummy! It’s just the ages and stages.
Fully agree with everyone above who says at these ages AI resorts with kids club options are your friend.

This. Uk trips are not a holiday you’re just doing the same thing as normal without the convenience of a resort or being at home. We have always gone abroad and all inclusive and it’s never been stressful

I think it's the self catering with 2 young kids that's the issue. We had lovely holidays with kids that age but in family hotels with AI or at least some meals, so no cleaning, no food shopping, all meals prepared for you, swimming pools just by your door, kids clubs. You can get similar places in UK though personally prefer abroad. We also did like apartments in hotel resorts where you could have all pools etc on site and then buy meals at hotel as needed or self catering as you want. Definitely go to something family orientated though.