Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

[Kelkell]

Changed name as a regular poster and don’t want to out myself.

I’m away with DH and our two DC currently, we have had a few rows in recent months and haven’t been intimate for a while either.

I have spent the first few days of the holiday (we’re here for 10 days) running around after the kids, co-ordinating the on site clubs and basically not relaxing. DH has spent most of his days led pool side with his headphones in and a drink.

He has been on his phone a lot more than on recent holidays. So when he was in the shower last night, I looked at it because I was suspicious.

There are numerous messages between him and another woman. Time stamps when he would have been pool side. One really hurtful one said he has a ‘beer and the sun, I just wish you were here too so I could see your milk tankers in a bikini’. She’s equally flirting back, it made me feel sick reading.

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore. Just really cold. He’s doing his own thing today, and I don’t know how I’ll get through the rest of the holiday 😥

Well doesn’t this disgusting, misogynistic prick who’s out of shape and overweight, who’s unattractive to his wife, think his sexual frustration gives him the right to be a ruthless and cruel b#st#d?
For as many days as you’ve been looking after the children, he needs to do the same on his own. In this time log on to the joint bank account - move your share pronto, then contact and instruct a top notch divorce solicitor. Get the ball rolling while he’s running round children’s clubs and Whatsapping Ms Milk Tanker. If he falls asleep on a sun lounger take the most unflattering photo you can. Keep it to console yourself.
I’m so sorry he’s done this to you and am appalled by him.

This is all fucking financial inequality - do you have your own financial resources? People are shits mostly, so if they feel they are providing or richer in any way, they suddenly think I am entitled to do what I want - because they can't see past money, they measure everything with money, they are vile. Take him to the cleaners, OP! Dump and to the cleaners! Vile bastard.

Milk tankers? What a charmer.

Leave him with the kids and take yourself out. Bonus points if you can shove a holiday flirt in his face - provided he’s not the dangerous type.

He sounds grim and you deserve better.

😆😆

Sounds very much like he has paid for sexting whilst on holiday. An online gf for the time you are there. He probably has paid for it before too.

Sorry OP. He really is vile. Please spend some time speaking to a solicitor whilst out there. He's a lying scumbag too. You will be entitled to half the house if you separate.

He's very much in the wrong here, not you.

Seriously, fuck off right over there and then fuck off some more.

Please don't listen anyone saying "you gave him cold shoulder ", " he needed your attention " . I was super wife, my husband's friends were jealous! Supporting, caring. Had/have nice body, face, etc - I literally get asked for number almost every single time I'm going out without him . My husband cheated anyway. It's not your fault, remember it.

This is no life, and certainly not what a relationship should be.

What do you want to happen now?

There's no respect between you.
He's not even pretending not to be lusting after someone's 'milk tankers' 🤢.
There's no intimacy (unsurprisingly).

You cannot carry on in this misery, but it also doesn't like you'd have any help fixing it; so this is now down to what you'll tolerate and how you navigate your independent happiness.
This will also affect your children eventually, so you have decisions to make 💐.

Head home with the kids early and leave him there change the locks when you get home.

I don't think you are legally allowed to do this,.but check with your divorce solicitor when you get home.

How old are your kids OP

Hopefully the clubs were teen/pre-teen clubs, as are the kids ages? If yes, I would tell them and holiday just the three of you on your own, ask him to leave and go back and that you will talk this through more when back.

Have a good holiday with the kids after he has left .....

Last year, hilariously, my H started responding to a woman (looked just 21 based on DP) messaging him on whatsapp out of the blue - his whatsapps as far as I know are left open on his big screen desktop in the main study , and anyone passing by can and do look including older-teen DC .....

I let that go unchallenged as his replies were perfunctionary and the conversation never made any sense - he was clearly just flattered that the young beautiful woman in the DP was whatsapping him but had nothing to say her really .....my DC said it was AI to try and get money after establishing a friendship, probably by overseas scammers using a random pic as DP

Who knows

I'd channely energy into.hiring a forensic accountant asap, if you DH is a high earner.

I am.so.sorry OP as your brain is in shock.you just want to curl.up with your phone, not look after energetic dc. It's really tough for you.

Milk tankers 🤢 I’ve only ever heard that said as a joke, by one of my closest friends. About herself. Absolutely vile to say that about someone else. Bin him op that is gross I can’t believe he’s doing this to you and your DC. cunt.

Yes, I'm old and have never heard this before, especially in a romantic or sexy way. Actually makes me wonder if there's a secret baby already. Wouldn't be the first.

Sorry OP.

I find the “leave him with the kid’s comments” very interesting. If I was in your position I’d want to be with my kids and tell him to go home, or take my kids home early and leave him behind.

It sounds like the marriage was over already, based on your description of the nastiness in your recent arguments. I’d probably see this as the last straw and just start making plans to separate.

Hope you manage through the last of the holiday. Just spend it with the kids and have the best time you can, ignoring the husband.

Pack up, go home and he can go to his mother’s house. You can’t continue knowing this. Jesus.

I would also be sharing the update with close family or friends. You need support and possibly childcare whilst you make arrangements.

A brusk, classless woman with no decorum.

Even people that are paid, I would assume don’t find it attractive they just tolerate it because it brings in money

Milk tankers 🤮

OP, so sorry. It does sound like your marriage was in a bad place before this holiday and I do think you are right about him being checked out. Do you think this is an AI sexting service? Wonders will never cease. If the hotel has spare availability, perhaps he should get his own room and I think your ducks will need to get in a row pretty swiftly. With him in a different space you can try to enjoy a holiday with the children. Ask him where he is planning to live when you get home and how things will work. He can give that some thought on his sun lounger in between messages to Ms Milk Tankers. So sorry, OP. I reckon you need to use the spa heavily as the start of your post divorce focus on yourself.

Don’t you know you are expected to be unfailingly pleasant at all times and fully up for it with them 100% of the time , regardless of their appearance, behaviour, general attitude according to some rather desparate mumsnetters ( or men who post) Hes an arse OP - he may not have been in the past but sadly is now - I’ve heard blokes having conversations amongst themselves using terms like this , usually cocky arrogant shits ( of all classes) and pity the poor women who are maybe oblivious to it - he’s shown you what he is, get hard and get rid of, whilst making sure you protect yourself first, transfer 50% of any joint money over that you can even if it means playing along as if you have forgotten for the holiday duration and sake of the kids - once back set the ball in motion

Mnhq are happy with this comment btw. The one you quoted...

Clearly, he has checked out and doesn't like the OP.

He is looking to form an affinity with the "Milk Tanker"

This scenario seems to happen a lot. Either at holiday time or over Xmas.
You are isolated, makes it worse.

All I can think is stick it out until you get back,then get away. So sorry.

It's not her fault AT ALL.
He's not nice to her, all the signs are there that he's an arsehole, neglecting the kids on holiday and just focusing on himself, the use of the word 'milk tankers', not giving a fuck that his wife found out about this on holiday.