For not attending a friends wedding

[OonaghBhuna]

An old friend of mine is getting married tomorrow.On Wednesday night I went over to their house with my present for them. Almost as soon as I had got home they phoned to say that they thought the present was awful and could i come back to collect it because they didnt like it at all.
They said ' we dont do ornaments and did you not know that we want vouchers'
So like a mug I went around and felt utterly humiliated and upset.
They were so rude and disrespectful to us that I cant bring myself to go.I am angry aswell as upset. I dont want to celebrate their maariage as I feel our friendship is over, I am shocked that I dont really know them at all......

It is not 'ungracious' to hand a present back, saying you don't like the cut of its jib. It is absolutely appalling.

Cutting them slack because they're about to get married isn't justified, IMO.

If it were a Christmas present, everyone would say ooh how rude. It's just because it involves a wedding that their appalling behaviour is being slightly excused.

Well, exactly, MI. I think if you'd teach your child that to hand back a gift is rude, then it's rude. God knows we got some bizarroworld presents for our wedding, but the people buying them didn't think, I am certain "let's get this to piss them off". And besides, as Oonagh said, she didn't have much money, and giving cash/vouchers can feel very uncomfortable if you don't have much money - it's easier to buy a present then. And you know that people will feel obliged to give you something for your wedding, so matter how much you say you only want their presence.

You have to get them that fox. Have it installed in their bedroom while they're on honeymoon.

Was it a wooden owl from tesco?

YANBU, that is shocking behaviour, I wouldn't go and wouldn't contact then again.

they are clearly not friends yanbu!

Perhaps you could send them a polite sorry we cant attend card with something along the lines of '.... Thank you for your interest in [insert your name]. We were very impressed with your ability to alienate and treat your friends with contempt. However, unfortunately, on this occaision you have been unsucessful in freeloading for your wedding gifts. We wish you every success in the future.

Kind regards ...

The fox is brilliant. Just the sort of thing a true friend, such as yours, would really appreciate.

Turniphead! Are you kidding? That is so rude it's ... words fail me.

I've never been asked for cash and - maybe this is irrational - I just wouldn't give it.

As for that, Turniphead - wouldn't that be a big neon hint to END THE FRIENDSHIP

When we got married, my mad old grannie gve us:

a tea-towel that she had got free from some coupon thing
a metal serving dish with wooden handles (my mum remembered it in use in the 1970s)
and
an old brown kettle with a special big plug on it for arthritic hands.

How we laughed.

But not in front of Grannie. To her we said, 'oh, thank you' with big smiles. The tea-towel came in useful, the other bits went in the bin. But SHE NEVER KNEW. And this is what you do when people give you presents. You smile, thank them and DEAL WITH IT DISCREETLY WHEN THEIR BAACK IS TURNED>

Fecking disgrace, Oona. And unjustifiable (I mean you, VVVQ

my shock was directed at Turniphead's friend's 'friends'!

turniphead thats awful, good grief.

If you get vouchers/cash, you miss out on all the good "crazy wedding present" stories, and have to sit and occasionally mention that some of the John Lewis vouchers were really quite crumpled, and the gift cards were not really appropriate colours.

I had some seriously hideous presents when we got married but we just politely thanked people & put the item in the loft. How rude to tell you they thought it was awful and how rude mentioning the vouchers!

I've never even heard of Coast, I'm assuming it's a shop? What was supposed to be wrong with their dresses?

Nothing wrong at all, emj - really lovely and perfect for weddings - so lots of people buy them for weddings, and you do run the risk of clashing. Though why the bride should give a fuck I cannot imagine...

This is yet another reason, obviously, why weddings are a Really Bad Idea.

Please please send a telegram explaining why you are unable to attend the wedding which the best man will read out at the reception.

Something like "You will of course understand that I could not attend today given the unfortunate incident that took place yesterday". That should get the crowd whispering.

No YANBU in the slightest-they on the other hand should both be ashamed of themselves and learn that the point of a wedding is for friends to share a special time with you not to be a sordid fundraiser.

Twelvelegs: "This is a wind up, noone gives the wedding present before the day. "

Um, actually wedding presents always used to be given in advance. It's only recently that people have started bringing them to the wedding, presumably because it's cheaper than sending them.

Oona, I do hope you won't go.

Our best awful present was a green china frog ornament/plant holder/whatthefuck thing. What made it worse was that they put it for protection in a box which had contained 12 bottles of wine, raising hopes as to what we were being given which were cruelly dashed when we opened the box to see this green face gurning up at us. But actually as we liked the people who gave it to us so much, we ended up liking the frog too and were very sad years later when it got broken.

The telegram's a BRILLIANT idea!

Sympathies Oona.

I remember years ago getting a friend's wedding list with specific sets of glasses requested (lots of sets) and then underneath in large bold type 'NO GLASSES OTHER THAN THOSE SPECIFIED'.

Bloomin cheek I thought, but that is nothing on your friends.

i would either:

a) Make your own vouchers out of card and print on them the words ' Voucher to express : Apology for extremely rude and common behaviour in rejecting a gift given in good faith' and 'I pay the bearer on demand several buckets of gratitude and humility cos I am far too precious and up myself'. etc. Present them at the wedding and insist they open them in front of everyone.

b) Go to the wedding. Pad out the front of your dress in an expectant way and then field all enquiries with an 'i really couldn't say' whilst glancing mournfully at the groom.

c) Go to wedding and approach evening DJ. Tell him that instead of whatever first dance they have requested, what they would REALLY Like and to announce that it really means so much to them, is 'Money, Money Money, it's a rich man's world'!

Oooh, I'm enjoying this.

oh yes, my sister has reminded me that they described it as "f***g awful", not just awful.

I love frogs..... Oh but the fox is still available, at £143.00 HA