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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not attending a friends wedding

220 replies

OonaghBhuna · 26/06/2008 17:09

An old friend of mine is getting married tomorrow.On Wednesday night I went over to their house with my present for them. Almost as soon as I had got home they phoned to say that they thought the present was awful and could i come back to collect it because they didnt like it at all.
They said ' we dont do ornaments and did you not know that we want vouchers'
So like a mug I went around and felt utterly humiliated and upset.
They were so rude and disrespectful to us that I cant bring myself to go.I am angry aswell as upset. I dont want to celebrate their maariage as I feel our friendship is over, I am shocked that I dont really know them at all......

OP posts:
Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 26/06/2008 18:50

they said it was awful in a serious manner.

OP posts:
Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 26/06/2008 18:50

they said it was awful in a serious manner.

OP posts:
DarthVader · 26/06/2008 18:50

Return your gift to the shop for a full refund.

Do not attempt to give them any replacement present.

Go to the wedding at their expense if you think you will enjoy it or miss it if you prefer.

Spend the present money on a treat for yourself!

dittany · 26/06/2008 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeaver · 26/06/2008 18:55

Oonagh - you've got to tell us what you decide to do.

EffiePerine · 26/06/2008 19:05

Lol at MN Chorus chanting HIRE THE HO

It is unbelievably rude -def ring round your friends at the very least

itati · 26/06/2008 19:06

They were clearly very rude but I can't help thinking it is a bit much to ruin their wedding day. Be the bigger person and just leave them out of your life.

Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 26/06/2008 19:16

they have been rude before but not this rude. I dont think it would ruin their wedding day by not attending. We have contacted an old friend who will be there so we have left it up to his discretion with what he will say to people.

The responses have been great and some very funny. Thank you.

OP posts:
HelensMelons · 26/06/2008 19:17

Oonaghbhuna

You are being kind when you said that they said it was awful, did the groom-to-be not describe it as "f awful"? I agree that you definitely shouldn't go!

bunchoflowers · 26/06/2008 19:22

That is absolutely awful.

But if you just don't go and don't tell them why you're not going, I would imagine they would think that YOU are being the rude one (as being the ignorant pigs they are they wouldn't understand why you are snubbing them).

When I gave an old friend her last birthday present, she basically laughed in my face in front of a whole room full of people. There was nothing wrong with the present, she is just an insecure old bully who will try and get away with bad behaviour with those people who she thinks will let her. I thought then and there "that is the last present you ever get out of me".

I think you should go, because if this hadn't happened, you would probably have really enjoyed the day, so don't let their rudeness have such an impact on your social life. But obviously you can't let this go... the adult in me says wait for them to get back from honeymoon, and write them a letter, explaining exactly why they were so rude and that they need to apologise or risk losing your friendship. The child in me says.... 'accidentally' knock their wedding cake over....'accidentally' spill red wine over bride's dress... etc etc... or some other equally unfortunate accident!

Kimi · 26/06/2008 19:24

Keep what you brought them and send it back to them as a divorce gift

How really very rude, even if someone gives you a gift that is so awful you want to run screaming, you say "thank you its lovely".

Kimi · 26/06/2008 19:26

Post them a voucher, wrap it round a kipper and post it through their letter box while they are on honeymoon

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/06/2008 19:31

Hang on hang on HANG ON a minute.

Did you not know they wanted vouchers?
Did you not find out beforehand what they wanted?
Why did you get them this ornament in particular?
Do you think that in fact perhaps they feel the same about you as you do them - that you've ignored their request and gone ahead and got them something that is (to them) utterly horrible and have in fact offended their sensibilities?

Do you know - I didnt ask for anything for my wedding BUT if folk wanted to get something I told them vouchers for two stores. Everyone invited asked me- I told them we werent expecting gifts but if they wanted to get us something to get vouchers. I still got half a dozen lead-crystal bowls a cheap slow-cooker large enough for a single person .

Ho hum.

EffiePerine · 26/06/2008 19:34

but that's the point of weddings - you get some gifts that you wouldn't think of getting for yourself. Like our Palace of Versailles polyester beribboned bedlinen we reserve for special guests

you don;t carp about gifts, you smile and move on!

posieflump · 26/06/2008 19:36

I would spike their drinks with laxatives - that would make for an interesting ceremony

mamhaf · 26/06/2008 19:43

That is the point of weddings.

We got 3 brass frogs - ones that should sit on a mantlepiece - from one of dh's mad old aunts.

We used to hide them from each other around the house - you know, on his side of the bed, in a welly etc. Hours of fun from an unexpected source. Then they got 'lost' when we moved.

I kind of miss them now.

Spidermama · 26/06/2008 19:44

I would drop them. Unbelievable behaviour.

HIPPY ALERT: I'm not the revenge sort though as I think you're better off rising above it. Boring I know, but it just keeps the bad energy alive on both sides.

Far better try to be transparent ... let it pass through you ... it's their issue so don't make it yours. Steer well clear and treat yourself to try to heal the hurt.

Spidermama · 26/06/2008 19:44

Peace, out.

littlelapin · 26/06/2008 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Habbibu · 26/06/2008 19:45

Yes, but VVVQ, I'll lay bets you sent nice polite thank you notes. I don't like to buy vouchers for presents, tbh, and so we try really hard to get stuff we know the couple would like. But to ask someone to return a present and to be so rude is utterly unjustifiable and beyond bad manners.

howmuchchoccanIeatb4iexplode · 26/06/2008 19:47

am i the only one who is dying to see a picture of the "awful" ornament? I reserve my judgement till then

Twelvelegs · 26/06/2008 19:48

This is a wind up, noone gives the wedding present before the day.

Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 26/06/2008 19:50

I dont like vouchers or money as presents, maybe I am old fashioned. However this time we didnt have alot of money to spend, especially as the wedding is in a location far from home where we were going to spend the night in the hotel etc. We were embarrassed to put a small amount of money in an envelope so we got them an ornament that we thought they would like.

We got some hilarious wedding gifts but everyone got thank you letters and I still have the presents because I know what an effort goes into buying them.

OP posts:
bran · 26/06/2008 19:51

I got about 90% of my wedding presents before my wedding day Twelvelegs, I thought that was common practice.

Original poster
OonaghBhuna · 26/06/2008 19:51

its not a wind up, we live close by it was a better option...well so we thought.
I wish it was a wind up....

OP posts: