For not attending a friends wedding

[OonaghBhuna]

An old friend of mine is getting married tomorrow.On Wednesday night I went over to their house with my present for them. Almost as soon as I had got home they phoned to say that they thought the present was awful and could i come back to collect it because they didnt like it at all.
They said ' we dont do ornaments and did you not know that we want vouchers'
So like a mug I went around and felt utterly humiliated and upset.
They were so rude and disrespectful to us that I cant bring myself to go.I am angry aswell as upset. I dont want to celebrate their maariage as I feel our friendship is over, I am shocked that I dont really know them at all......

I hate vouchers, money and lists. Mercenary, aquisitive, consumerist, faceless .... denies the personality, the imput for better or worse of the guest. Weddings are about the guests as well as the couple.

Nah, VVV, good try at seeing it from the other pov - always a worthwhile excercise in a MN budle, but come on - did you honestly ring up the decanter-donors and ask them to collect their dust-gathering glassware and stump up for a money substitute that you could spend at will? And using the word 'horrible', to boot?

Noooooo I bet you did not.

Send a polite, apologetic note, second class, explaining that of course you do not feel you are able to take up the hospitality at thier reception since you have not been able to give them a present they approve of, so hope they will understand your absence. And yes, the same whispering campaign..'oh, sa sad not to be attending, but we didn't think it was fair to accept a free meal from them since they sent the present back - i mean we would just be exploiting the occasion, wouldn't we?'.

OTOH, post the pic of the ornament, OP! Was it a 3' hihgh statuette from the Karma Sutra showing the congress of a mouse with a deer - or whatever combination i a man with a teeny dick and a woman with a massive yoni??

I got all my presents before my wedding, some weren't to my taste, but I appreciated the thought that went into buying them.

I kept the hideous and massive crystal glass fruit bowel taking up cupboard space for around a decade before finally letting it go.

God it was monstrous, it really was. It was from DHs agent who's posh and eats at the Ivy so I assumed the problem was mine and I'd grow to love it as my tastes matured.

Argh! I cannot STAND the whole wedding list/voucher/please give us cash so we can shag on our honeymoon wedding thing. ARRRRGGGHHH.........

You invite people who are your friends, who are your family, who know you in some way. Sure, not everyone has good taste, and you will end up with 27 photo frames.... BUT you have got these gifts because your guests have gone into a shop and chosen something, and have been thinking for themselves, about you, at the time of doing so...

and not rushing through some list on the internet thinking, hhhmmm...... what's the cheapest, most expensive looking thing here?

AAAAARrrrggghhhh.. hate them hate them hate them!

Sorry! HAd no idea I felt so strongly about that particular topic(!)

p.s. YANBU. Don't go.

I retract, just seems so outrageous it could not be true. Spend the money on yourself.

"please give us cash so we can shag on our honeymoon" - you have to pay? Shit. Better not tell DH...

Is it a very expensive wedding, Oonagh?

LOL... yes, very good Habbibu....

But you know, when you are asked to give cash into 'this account' to help the lovely couple go to the Maldives/Bora Bora/some stupid Sandals resort.....

I make a point of ALWAYS ignoring wedding lists and finding something I think they will like, and means something--- shock horror, I, and many many many others in this world, might actually have good taste!

LOL littlelapin will try and get a photo up tomorrow, no digital camera at the mo.

I bet it was that wonderful stuffed fox standing up carrying a lantern that was on ebay a while ago (there was thread on here about it)

Oonagh surely you could find an image at least similar to the offending ornament online.

Heres the fox -please tell me you bought this as a wedding gift

LOL! You may loathe the asking for vouchers/money etc, but or a couple already well-shacked up in home with children already conceived and born, we didnt need any more stuff taking up space. We did need a new kitchen though

We told folk we didnt want anything. We invited people to celebrate with us - that's all we wanted. We really didnt want gifts. But to have told folk that and that if they had to do something - help us buy a kitchen, to then get half a dozen crystal bowls....in fact one was a crystal ashtray ffs! Neither us smoke

I'd never have told them to take them back, but, I will be putting them on ebay or the schools raffle, charitable lady that I am

I really can understand the couples narkedness here. They were a bit rude for insisting on handing it back, but, not rude enough to want to sabotage their wedding.

Just dont replace the gift oonah. Leave it as getting them nothing.

And, in fact, I'm pretty sure that a few of them were 'recycled' gifts.......

A bit rude?! Oh, come on, VVVQ. It was appalling bad manners. Everyone at some point gets gifts they don't want/didn't ask for - yes, you hide/ebay/raffle/accidentally break/"lose" in house move - but you do not offend the giver in such a pathetically childish and offensive way. I'd expect better manners from a 5 year old.

LMAO Betty just showed that to dp as a warning..Still wouldn't have a gift list though...

VVVQV has a vvv good point though with her requested voucher vs own present ting [devil's advocate]

Chill QV.

Plausible defence. You're in the clear.

Yeah, I think it was more ungracious rather than rude really.

BS I love that fox
VVVQV I understand where you are coming from. The most hurtful thing was that they did it in such a humiliating way, I felt like a naughty school girl getting told off.It was really embarrassing. It is a big wedding and they dont need anything.
Can real friends be so horrible.
I appreciate all the comments and humour I think I will have to bid on that fox

Spider

I am pretty chilled as it happens. DH has arrived home with ingredients for a meal and children are in bed. Just need washing up fairy to arrive..........