To not pay their air fare

[rookiemere]

Please if you recognise me don’t out me.

I am an only DC, after a tough year of hard decline from dementia, both DPs are now in a care home close to me. It costs a lot, but thankfully DPs have amassed a lot of savings so I worked out the other day that they can afford it for around 8 years for both of them - they’re 92 and 87 respectively in poor physical health as well, so this should be enough.

The dilemma is this. DF is from another country originally. He is very generous to his nieces my cousins, because their DF died early under unpleasant circumstances. He has offered to pay their fares, 2 of my cousins have declined but one has made it into an annual trip with DPs covering the air fares, bringing along her DH and staying for too long periods at our house. They aren’t ideal house guests so DH put his foot down and said they couldn’t stay for an extended trip again. Accommodation where we live is expensive.

So anyway last night I got an email saying they were thinking of coming over and when would be convenient and what B&B could I recommend. No mention of air fares, so I thought maybe I should say that as the care fees are so expensive DPs can no longer cover the air fare. TBH I don’t think they should even be asking, but I suspect the trip will be unaffordable for them if they have to pay for somewhere to sleep and flights.

I know DF would get some joy from seeing them, and to be fair to my cousin she is very fond of him and he’s almost like a substitute DF in her mind. Technically DPs could afford the flights, but I need to be responsible with their money. I thought I could maybe suggest a contribution of £1k which would help with the fares, but not fully cover them.

DF thinks I shouldn’t mention it and make them ask if they want it. I think that’s coloured by the fact he finds the DH very difficult to get on with and feels they are grabby - as do I to be fair. He says it’s my money, but it’s not at the minute it’s very much still DPs and I am just enacting their wishes.

So AIBU not to offer the money when it’s been paid for in the past ?

Apologies if I respond periodically as going into work shortly.

They are renting the house out and I would have imagined they have factored in the rent from this property in their calculations.

Sorry, it isn’t your money and your DF (who has put you in a position of trust) would be happy to see them and benefit. For now, you should pay the money as he would.

I’m not obsessed with the LA. I was under the impression that the OPs parents only has 8 years of fees then no other assets, which would be further reduced by paying these travel costs each year. In that situation there would have been a real possibility they may have had to apply to the LA for funding, which is where the problems might start. As it seems there is possibly hundreds of thousands of pounds on top of this available from a property sale, it is correct that it is unlikely the LA will need to be brought in.

Of course, there are the OP’s responsibilities as Attorney to consider. I don’t know what the attitude of the Public Guardian will be to OP spending her parents money in this way. I would consult them before committing to anything.

The Public Guardian has no involvement. That’s the point of appointing a trusted attorney to handle your affairs in the event of incapacity.

Yes but her dad is 92. He's extremely unlikely to live another 8 years, in which case on his death more money can be diverted to her mother's care. They may also already have, or could request, a deferred payment agreement where the fees are paid back after her parents have died when the house can be sold. It's not that difficult to avoid the need to sell up in a hurry if it can be seen that funds will be there but aren't liquid right now. I've been through this myself.

The Office of the Public Guardian is there to make checks if anyone thinks that an attorney is misusing their LPA. You don't have to run all your decisions past them. The point of being an attorney is that you're empowered to make those decisions in the same way as if it was the family member themselves.

I get that. We were lucky that Dad wanted to keep up with technology so he had an iPad. He struggled a little at the end of his life (94yrs). When he passed away mum was happy to take over. She can answer but not make calls. WhatsApp has saved a fortune in phone calls.

In our case where we failed was in getting them to use basic mobiles! They would never put them on. This meant that they never got used to booking taxis. They needed help with appointments. I had to take a three hour flight to get Mum to the chiropodist!

In your case I would do a practice call with a family member who knows that it is a test call. Your parents might understand the call. Mum is recently spending time talking about things that happened during WW2. She still seems to enjoy the calls.

Funding care is hard isn’t it. POA is a responsibility.

All of this is true about making gifts out of surplus income and my parents used to do the same. However once my father died and my mother moved into a care home, the care home fees were more than her solo income so there was no surplus income left from which to make gifts.

OPs parents are in a care home and the expense is highly likely to be more than their income. So the continued support of the grandson will now be coming out of their capital. Each of them can make a gift of £3k to whoever they like each year. and they can also give £3k each for the previous tax year if unused. So post their care home admission, (assuming they haven’t made gifts to anyone else) £12k in the first year can be gifted to the grandson and £6k pa after that. If he receives anything more than this then it needs to be included in IHT calculations post their death.

if they are giving the grandson the £3k each then the gift of airfare money to the DN should also be included in the IHT calculations when being prepared. She can be gifted £250 in any year as can her DH so it’s not really a big deal to giver £1k but strictly speaking it’s a gift out of capital.

This is nonsense. You were either wrongly advised, or misunderstood the advice you were given.