To think if I’d had my time over, I’d have stuck at one child

[knighttime]

I know a lot of people think it’s easier because they play together but honestly life with just one child seems so much nicer, calmer, so much lovely one to one time devoted to one, their interests tailored for and you get to properly enjoy parenting.

I seem to be really unique on this as everywhere I see having two is easier and I don’t see it myself?

when I was pregnant with twins my sister told me twins were easier than a singleton because they entertain each other.
what, at 2 am when they're screaming for milk???

clearly my sister had TWO children with a few years between them.

👍🏻

You are the rubbish, the first post I responded to was Dairy milk maid’s. You just butted into my reply. You can go back and have a look at who’s being dramatic!

I have one and the advice I give first time parents is “stick to one” and I am not joking, I said it to a new mother to be today.

Actually my initial post was in response to Knighttime post about seeing parent with two kids running in opposite directions. But again carry on with the delusion that I responded to your post when it was you that responded to mine.

Same! I was a only child,I hated it,I was so lonely.we have five children,almost grown up.all the noise and chaos,wouldn’t change it for the world xx

It’s easier in the moment to just have one child to parent, but longer term I’d say it can be harder for both you and the child (not always just based on many of the only children we know). For example my children were having a slight squabble on the way back to a friends house (they have just 1 child) so I imposed a little time out once we all got to the house. The dad of the only child made a comment about how much easier it is to just have one as they never have to deal with sibling squabbles, and I just made a placating comment. My children then went and joined in once their time reflecting was up, and they all got on like a house on fire until something didn’t go the only child’s way and then there were tears and tantrums from him and the parents then had to bribe him to behave nicely. My thoughts were that yes it’s easier when it’s just you and your only but actually siblings teach us so much about life and social interactions all in quite a safe place. My kids can literally get on with anyone because they are used to being with kids of different ages and personalities all the time (for what it’s worth they do all also get on very well with each other the majority of the time but there is occasional bickering or rivalry).

This is a common theme - only children often seem to lack the resilience of children in sibling groups and frankly are used to having things their own way and always being allowed to ‘win’ or choose things. These kids I’m talking about are teens and tweens so not tiny little kids. We do know one singleton who is lovely but he has parents who actively ensure he doesn’t get to choose stuff just for an easy life or have everything his own way. If he is getting a bit boasty or bossy they tell him straight (just as a sibling would tend to do).

No one who had two would say it’s easier! In fact it’s quadruple the work. And absolutely no guarantee they’ll get on - in fact I know several siblings who get on well as adults but were at each others throats as kids.

I have 2 teenagers, boy and girl, relatively easy especially the boy who is very self-motivated and independent. With my career that's the maximum number I could have even though my husband is a very involved father. Even now I find it hard to manage all the activities, school meetings, correspondence fundraisers (both children play sports) .
I have one sibling and we are very close. My husband has 2 siblings, close with one and not at all with the third. We always wanted more than one; I love them and they bring a lot of joy and energy into my life but it's not easy.

I didn’t post this.

I had two, both adults now, if I had my time again I would have had 3, but at the time two under 21mths was very hard work.

And I’ve just checked @vladimirVsvolodymr ; you did reply to @SerenaCat93

Don’t massively appreciate you dragging me into it tbh

Hard relate to this

@SerenaCat93my apologies I did respond to your comment but forgot about it. @knighttimeI apologise for getting involved in your thread. This will teach me to put my phone down at night and not mindlessly respond to topics that have nothing to do with me.

It has something to do with you; you responded with a view which is great, it’s why we post, but others will also have a view!

I have to admit I was surprised at how condescending the reply was as well tbh

In the current graduate market and and with the rate of house price inflation, it seems that one may make the most financial sense - you can help them through university and into a career without debt, maybe even independent school them along the way, and help them secure a property. It takes a far fatter wallet to do that with 2, 3 or 4.

I literally said it again today too. 😆

Agreed. Occasionally having to play with my only child is not harder than raising entire extra children. And I don’t find playing with my child a hardship at all anyway.

I think when parents of 2+ kids say the benefits of siblings are things like “I don’t have to play with them all the time” or “they always have someone to play with on holiday/on days out”, they’re just telling on themselves that their kids have poor social skills to make new friends outside their family, and don’t have the ability to entertain themselves independently.

I have one, I am sorry to hear of the loneliness of only children on this thread. My DD and I talk about her being an only, and she says she is a happy only child. She sees the complexities of me being one of 8 (from one extreme to another). She has cousins and grew up closely with them. She has benefited hugely from being an only. I do raise my eyebrows in exasperation sometimes thinking of how it would have been with more. Of course I would have done it and given my all, but one is a happy cop out for me, thank you! Now I have the time to give to 2 DGC. No more for DD, thankfully.

I agree with this but I don't think those with an only child see it and I think there will be plenty arguing we are wrong and giving reasons why we are wrong. Parents absolutely can dedicate more resources to an only child and probably keep their own careers and lifestyles more on an even keel. Its not easier with 2 and less easy with 3 and after 4 it's not quantifiable on an easy scale.
But only children are different in the ways you say. Why wouldn't they be their formative years are different.
I think I am understanding my daughter when she said 'he's an only child' as the reason for a break up more, after your post.

Respectfully, that’s the kind of thing parents of more than one child tell themselves, to convince themselves they made the right decision, because the resent the comparative easiness of the lives of parents of only children.

Exactly.

I don’t have children so I don’t have skin in the game in this debate, but it’s just so obvious to me that parents of multiple children are deluding themselves that there is no impact to children of parents being spread more thin. Funnily enough, it wouldn’t surprise me that the same people would think a two-parent family is more beneficial than a lone parent. So parent-to-child ratio clearly matters, but only when it suits them…

That being said, we all have our biases. I’m one of 4 and absolutely hated it! It was utter chaos. Consequently, as adults we’ve gone the other way: two are child-free, two are one-and-done. Says a lot!

This has been referenced above but there is no guarantee at all your kids will like each other. My Dsis made my life hell growing up, and hugely impacted my home life. We don’t speak at all as adults and I know so many people in a similar boat.

I always like to remind people in these threads that lots of people have 'only' one for many reasons that are not out of choice, including loss of another child, being unable to have another etc.
Many people also choose to have just one these days, as others have said, due to finances. With the current situation with housing etc, unless you are fairly wealthy, a lot of people with big families will struggle to be able to help their kids financially.
OP, I'm sure you are in the trenches at the moment but things will get better and I'm sure your choice will have been a good one in the end.