AIBU To Point Out Opinions You Don’t See Outside Of Mumsnet …?

[D0ntB1t3]

So I have noticed that according to (a lot of posters on) Mumsnet:

-Transphobia is perfectly acceptable.
-Ageism is the worst/most prevalent type of discrimination going on in the uk today.
-Cheating in a relationship is tantamount to murder.
-Enrolling your children in boarding school means you don’t love them.
-Teaching is always a miserable profession, with no exceptions.

What else have you noticed is a very common MN opinion but not one you hear in real life?

I’m not trying to start an argument on the truth of any of these statements, just curious what others have noticed.

On MN everyone has been flattened by a slobbering dog everyone they set foot outdoors. IRL, I've certainly never been jumped at, or had muddy paws from a strange dog.
On MN, you shouldn't have kids and claim any benefits, 'get a better job' instead. IRL, I don't know anyone who earns enough to avoid UC to pay bills. Average wage round here is NMW plus a small amount, 30k is a good wage.
On MN, raise the flag, etc is very frowned upon. MN very accepting. IRL, there are flags on every street, protests outside hotels, weekly. Local paper 'round the courts' has a very diverse collection of names, fuelling it. Local social media groups are full of comments. Unfortunately, a lot less acceptance, and casual racism is far more prevalent than MN would have you believe. Restore and Reform seem popular.

This doesn’t make any sense

Ageism is about age so why would it only be a thing against old people?

@Newstart3when at home/in the garden, I didn’t have eyes on my kids when they were asleep either! Do you think parents of babies should literally sit and watch them sleep? How utterly bizarre. We always used a baby monitor, whether at home or in a hotel, but I’ve never watched my children sleep! What about when you go to sleep yourself? What if they choke?

It’s telling if you only acknowledge ageism to old people and manage to never see all the young people are lazy, Gen Z don’t want to work, millennials waste too much money so they can’t afford homes because they think they’re entitled to avocado toast

I don’t know anyone accepting. I don’t work in the NHS or academia.

Safety isn’t judged by waiting until there’s a long list of dead or abducted children. We don’t leave babies alone because the potential consequence is catastrophic, even if the probability is low.

They like to promote this kind of parenting on here. It's almost like they think having anxiety makes them a superior parent. A lot of mumsnetters love to focus on rare, improbable risks and if you don't think this way, you're an irresponsible parent. That's the general culture of the site anyway.

Regarding shared finances, i think it’s split pretty evenly between joint, separate and hybrid. A lot of people just do what works for them.

It's not transphobic to know that transwomen are men and that they have no place in single sex spaces for women.

Actually the vast majority of people do leave their baby alone when it’s asleep. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t go downstairs in the evening while the baby is in bed, or doesn’t sit in the garden while the baby is napping.
It would be very abnormal and boarding on unstable to sit in the same room to watch a sleeping child at all times.

@BiteSizedLifebut people do leave their dc alone everyday! I very rarely sat in the same
room with my dc whilst they napped or slept.

I know plenty of men, cousins, my brothers, my in-laws, friends, family friends, colleagues etc who are married and/or have kids etc. Absolutely none of them have forgotten their parents, they are still close with their families and have parents who are involved grandparents. But the general consensus on here seems to be that if you have a boy, they forget their families once they meet a girl, never speak to their parents again and if they have kids, the husbands parents will be second rate grandparents. It's something I never see happen in real life.

Similarly with MIL. Most people I know have normal, healthy relationships with their in-laws. They maybe don't see eye to eye on somethings but they don't view their MILs as some demon spawn from hell who can't be trusted with their child. They don't threaten to go no contact over the most tiniest of incidents. And they recognise their in-laws are equal grandparents and do what they can to encourage this relationship. They dont refuse to let their MIL hold her newborn grandchild unless she's deep cleaned the house or any other such nonsense you read on here.

Similarly everyone I know has balanced approach to most things for example like weaning and UPF food. You see on here all the time people will read a book on UPF or baby led weaning and then think is it the GOSPEL on how you should do something.

Everyone I know just fed their baby. Did a mixture of puree and food. Spoon feeding and letting them feed themselves. And most used the occasional pouch as well.

Same with UPF. Everyone I know feeds their kid a healthy diet, but one or two meals a week using pizza or chicken nuggets. Everyone I know buys supermarket bread, snacks and stock cubes without guilt or anxiety over it.

@Fluffyscrubberdoexsctly 😆

The irony. 🤣

You forgot the biggest one. That anything you say you’ve seen on Mumsnet someone will ALWAYS reply saying that they've never seen that on here, so it can’t have happened.

Maybe this is another fundamental difference between my social circle and yours - we openly discuss these things and I know for a fact my close friends a) all work and earn their own money (i.e. none are SAH), and b) keep finances separate - own checking accounts, own credit cards, own pension, own savings/investments. They will literally say things like “I sold my shares in ABC but {DH} still has his”, as an example, which obviously implies separate brokerage accounts.

Why is saying something is unthinkable to me and everyone I know considered judgemental? It’s just a fact. It would be unthinkable to any one of us to willingly make ourselves financially dependent on someone else. In the same way it would be unthinkable for us to, say, convert to a religion or move to DR Congo or never exercise again. Some things are so alien to a particular person or strata of society, that they really are unthinkable.

It’s so weird!

My elderly Mother and Mother in Law would like to be able to ensure that their personal care is carried out by a woman.

My teenage daughter would like to be sure her sports team won’t be at risk of any men in the opposing team or in the changing rooms.

I would like to make sure that vulnerable women in prison, in refuges or in rape crisis centres aren't forced to share space with men at any time.

We all have better things to do with our time but sadly need to focus on this particular topic until women’s rights are properly sorted out.

All brand new clothes, towels, sheets must always be washed before being worn and immediately after 1 wear.

Yet also and conversely,
house guests who strip the bed leaving the bedding folded on the bed are criminals. Despite this being basic social etiquette and the “done” thing.

I don’t think it is. I think people just scream transphobia when women say that trans women are men and shouldn’t be in their safe spaces. That isn’t transphobia, as much as some people like to say it is.

That everyone is investing and has maxed out a bunch of stocks and shares ISAs, has a fund for their kids to go through uni and still has enough spare to consider a new investment avenue.

I know a handful of people who are able to do this but the majority of us are just working out where on earth the next childcare payment and car repair is actually going to come from.

I don't know anyone I know who stayed in the same room as their baby for ALL sleeps and naps until their baby was six months old. Absolutely everyone I know, would put the baby upstairs at night and come downstairs with the baby monitor for a few hours.

And surely if you have more than one child this would be impossible anyway. There's no way I could have been in the same room with my baby while they napped while my 3 year old needed the toilet, or wanted to play, or was charging about plus all the other things that need done when you have two kids!

Quite interesting looking at previous posts on Mumsnet about this, that even in the post madeleine McCann era
~15 years ago, people’s posts about this are far less extreme.

Modern parenting has become very anxious and the idea you are putting your child at risk of death or abduction in this scenario is a really good example of that. The risk is no greater than it ever was, the technology we have makes you able to be more attentive and aware than ever, yet people seem to be developing far more extreme views about doing it.

One of the myriad of ways in which modern parenting has become unnecessarily worse for the parents due to self-inflicted pressures…!

But 'real life' depends on your circle and where you live. People where I live have very different views to the people I work with. And some different views to where i grew up. Am I going to share my own views with all sets of people? Not always, because conversation is often just being non committal unless you feel safe around those people.

Don't know anyone who'd leave their kids alone in a hotel room though. Even the slightly shit parents. At home, in the garden etc, yes, but something just seems off about doing it elsewhere.

house guests who strip the bed leaving the bedding folded on the bed are criminals. Despite this being basic social etiquette and the “done” thing

I don’t know anyone who does this & have never done it. Basic social etiquette?