AIBU in thinking that this is an unfair expectation on parents

[GumballWaterson]

DD12 goes to a weekly Musical Theatre class which costs us £200 per term.

This summer they are doing a performance, two weeks of rehearsals followed by a dress rehearsal and three performances across two days. It costs £150 per child to take part and tickets for the show are £16 each. We have to provide a costume. Driving her to and from rehearsals and performances (an hour round trip) has taken some juggling with work, younger DC etc but all fine, that's what we agreed to.

A couple of weeks back they sent out an email stating "we expect all parents to chaperone or help out backstage for at least one performance or the dress rehearsal. You must let us know which performance/s you will be volunteering for by completing this form by X date". No "please" or "if you are able to" or "we would be grateful if", just a straight up demand.

When I dropped DD off this morning I spoke to one of the managers and politely told her that DH and I are unable to help. I explained that DH will be at work during the dress rehearsal and first performance and I will be looking after DD's younger brother, then for the other two performances one of us will be in the audience and the other will be at home with DS as he would not be able to sit through the show due to SEND. She responded with what I can only describe as a lecture, about how they "do expect all families to make arrangements" because "it really isn't fair on the parents that make the effort" and if they don't have enough chaperones the performances can't legally go ahead and "it's the children who will suffer if parents don't support the show". This was all delivered unnecessarily loudly, I got the impression she wanted me to feel embarrassed by other parents and staff hearing.

AIBU to think I shouldn't be berated for not supporting a business that I pay £600 a year in class fees to, in addition to the nearly £200 it's costing us for DD to do this show + tickets? Not to mention DD has given up several days of her summer holiday to help out at their under 5's dance workshops, for which they also charge parents a small fortune!
I don't want to stop DD taking part in future because it's good for her confidence, but I don't feel it should be my responsibility as the customer of a profit-making business to ensure their events are appropriately staffed. The only way we could make this work is if one of us doesn't watch the show, and helps out backstage instead but DD would be disappointed that we hadn't both seen her perform, plus we've already bought the tickets.

This is bonkers. This is a private business? It’s fine to politely ask for volunteers but they have no right to demand it, if they don’t have enough volunteers then they’ll need to pay for staff just like any other private business would.

YANBU. This is absolutely crazy!

Both normal and unreasonable, I’m afraid!

My own childcare issues aside, the dress rehearsal and two out of the three performances start within core office hours for most people, and chaperones are required to be there an hour before. For the dress rehearsal they want parents there for 3.5 hours right in the middle of the working day. Obviously people have varying degrees of flexibility in their jobs, I've had jobs where I could probably swing it if I made the time up elsewhere.

In that case, a company that genuinely needed N volunteers would put appropriate communication in place to make sure everyone had notice and was able to make and commit to these arrangements.

The fact they're just asking on the fly suggests that one volunteer per family is a "nice to have" rather than essential requirement.

In my experience this is normal. Without the help, they couldn't run the show. The shows also didn't make profit as venue hire is very expensive. It was more for the kids to get some experience and the fun of doing the show. Usually parents helped in the dressing room their own children were in. We were allowed to have other children backstage with us. We all had to have a check done. I wouldn't have a problem with this policy. One show isn't much to ask. Of course they should allow for exceptional circumstances (childcare not being one of them as there is a parent who can take leave here). Without parent support, these shows couldn't happen.

Don't worry, if they get to pre-professional level like mine did, you aren't allowed to even set a foot back stage anymore. They're expected to manage themselves then and parents have to wait at the stage door round the back where it's freezing sometimes.

Wow, I’ve realised I’m very lucky with my daughter’s dance school! They’ve never once asked for volunteers and we don’t have to pay for any costumes or for them to participate in their show, just buy a ticket from the theatre and turn up and clap. Nothing required other than to get them there! The older girls help out with the younger ones but that’s it.

I think some of these dance school owners need to get fucking real about what they can ask of parents paying a shed load of money to them per term. If there are not two parents work in committed jobs or a single mum working her arse off which does not give you a ton of free time or headspace for volunteering, how can they even afford these kinds of activities in the first place? People aren't being lazy in not helping, they are just busy paying the mortgage, bills and trying to let their kids try a few activities and spending money in your business. These are your paying customers for Christ sakes, you don't talk to them like shit or you won't have a business. Clearly from this thread alone some are a lot better and more realistic than others and don't all go on like in the OP's example.

Wow wouldnt they have to DBS check every parent backstage to comply with the law?

Anyway, I agree they are being unreasonable, and this is a stance that should be made clear before money is exchanged.

£200 per term hence needing volunteers.

Its cheap.

Chaperones are needed to 16.

Ask how they have safeguarded this with volunteers not all being DSB checked.

whilst they don’t need to dab check every parent, they can’t leave any unchecked volunteer alone with the children

I have a friend who runs a musical theatre setup. They don’t use parents, they have regular (registered) chaperones.

Agree with other posters, this expectation should have been made clear prior to parents prior to their children being signed up. This is not a set up many parents would find feasible or even want

Yes it’s normal and it’s why so many children miss out on extra curricular activities. It’s expensive and time consuming. It sounds like you already resent the time and money the club is taking, and this is the last straw.

You have to pick your battles in life. If you absolutely can’t do it then find a way to tell the club, and let them know that possibly with more notice you could have made arrangements. Going forward you can decide whether you want to continue with the club.

What isn’t going to happen is the club changing their practices or their prices.

I'm chaperone trained, and do a fair amount of chaperoning for various groups over the year.

Edited to add: Chaperoning is a legal requirement, to have a trained chaperone for at least every 12 children for any production. The children should be under licence ( or a BOP) and there only for set hours. You can be inspected by the council who can withdraw the children from the performance if they are not happy.
Those who are saying that their dance schools just ask older dancers need to be aware that they are operating performances illegally and the performance could be cancelled by the council. The council will try not to do this, but if there were no registered chaperone, then they legally would not have an option.

Where you have a lot of kids then parental helpers can be very useful. They don't go in while the kids are changing, nor can they take kids on their own, but do things like, get drinks, play games, do hair, find the lost costume, run down to tech to get new batteries for the mike, phone a parent to ask if they've still got their dc shoes etc.
A chaperone can look after up to 12 children, so when you have 24 children with say 2-3 chaperones another 3-4 parents to do these things is really helpful.
Although that's assuming the parent is there to genuinely help, rather than try to push their dc forward...
Parental helpers are what is classed as supervised and because it's not a regular activity, do not have to be dbs checked.
Men are generally less helpful, as they can only supervise boys in a changing room, whereas women can do both.

And what happens if you don't say that every child must provide an adult for one show is you get the same group of parents every time. I didn't get to see a lot of my Dc's shows because parents would always have an excuse why they couldn't help. Be it, smaller child, elderly parents, work, netball team, other excuse that could be worked around. I have taken time off work, arranged babysitting for other dc etc to be able to help.

So the group of us who were backstage often ended up doing every show because parents were not prepared to make arrangements so they could help with one.

If we hadn't been prepared to do that then the children would have had to been withdrawn from the production.

Interactions have been minimal, but polite and completely non-contentious. DD turns up on time, learns her lines, behaves herself and volunteers to help out with the younger ones so there's never been an issue. Never been asked/told to volunteer before but as I said she's never done a show before.

It’s the same with my daughter’s dance school. It’s like they can’t fathom that the show is not the prime focus of your attention when it is taking up every cm of space in their life.
I got quite stressed out by it the first time and broke myself helping out back stage and chaperoning but now I smile and wave.
Helping out back stage meant selling programmes, doing refreshments, manning the doors and setting out chairs. Chaperones were directly with the kids.

I genuinely don't resent the time and money at all actually. I am more than happy to spend the money and ferry DD around, because that's what we agreed to and decided was manageable for us as a family. What I resent is being ordered, not asked, to give up more of my time on top of that and then being lectured like a naughty child when I tell them I'm not available.

I don't want them to change their prices, they're a business at the end of the day. If anything I'd be happy to pay a bit more so they can use proper licenced chaperones rather than demanding parents fulfill the role, as other posters have said their schools do. I think it's their expectations and the way they go about things that's unreasonable.

I have done lots of different activities with my DC over the years. In general I expect to help out with anything that's run by volunteers or the local council, but not for businesses that turn a profit. It they expected this help it should have been made clear before people signed up, they can't just spring this on you now.

It's £200 per term plus £150 show fee and £16 per ticket. So roughly per child that is £382 for that term.

Other stage schools are able to provide chaperones for shows for approx £360 per term.

My experience of Stagecoach is over 10 years ago so I won't use that as an example but the dance school ds left more recenly charges approx £22.50 per week for three hour worth of classes plus an extra £20 or so for costume call/dress rehearsals. And a ticket price of probably similar. So rounding up that is about £325 during show term. Less than OP is paying. Parents are asked to volunteer to register as chaperones but all chaperones get to watch at least one performance. When dh was take ill, even though I already had my licence there was NO pressure on me to help out. There are many parents in the dance school who never volunteer.

Depends on quality of teaching a shows produced. We used stagecoach when dc was little. Was expensive for the quality of shows.

My husband used to teach in a full time vocational school and several other well known drama/dance schools and currently teaches in a conservatoire. His students perform on the west End and beyond. My daughter trained and worked professionally and my son has just started getting professional work.

The schools we sent our own children to locally provided high quality teaching.