AIBU in thinking that this is an unfair expectation on parents

[GumballWaterson]

DD12 goes to a weekly Musical Theatre class which costs us £200 per term.

This summer they are doing a performance, two weeks of rehearsals followed by a dress rehearsal and three performances across two days. It costs £150 per child to take part and tickets for the show are £16 each. We have to provide a costume. Driving her to and from rehearsals and performances (an hour round trip) has taken some juggling with work, younger DC etc but all fine, that's what we agreed to.

A couple of weeks back they sent out an email stating "we expect all parents to chaperone or help out backstage for at least one performance or the dress rehearsal. You must let us know which performance/s you will be volunteering for by completing this form by X date". No "please" or "if you are able to" or "we would be grateful if", just a straight up demand.

When I dropped DD off this morning I spoke to one of the managers and politely told her that DH and I are unable to help. I explained that DH will be at work during the dress rehearsal and first performance and I will be looking after DD's younger brother, then for the other two performances one of us will be in the audience and the other will be at home with DS as he would not be able to sit through the show due to SEND. She responded with what I can only describe as a lecture, about how they "do expect all families to make arrangements" because "it really isn't fair on the parents that make the effort" and if they don't have enough chaperones the performances can't legally go ahead and "it's the children who will suffer if parents don't support the show". This was all delivered unnecessarily loudly, I got the impression she wanted me to feel embarrassed by other parents and staff hearing.

AIBU to think I shouldn't be berated for not supporting a business that I pay £600 a year in class fees to, in addition to the nearly £200 it's costing us for DD to do this show + tickets? Not to mention DD has given up several days of her summer holiday to help out at their under 5's dance workshops, for which they also charge parents a small fortune!
I don't want to stop DD taking part in future because it's good for her confidence, but I don't feel it should be my responsibility as the customer of a profit-making business to ensure their events are appropriately staffed. The only way we could make this work is if one of us doesn't watch the show, and helps out backstage instead but DD would be disappointed that we hadn't both seen her perform, plus we've already bought the tickets.

‘Unfortunately I can’t volunteer to assist the children as my DBS is expired ‘

What benefits is the OP reaping 😂

Anyone going backstage should be DBS checked @GumballWaterson I would be very concerned that this isn't a thing at the theatre school. You need to bring that up with the head, if they are not doing DBS checks on all chaperones, I would worry they thought they were optional for staff too.

What do the other parents say?
Surely some others aren’t going to volunteer.
I just wouldn’t have said anything and then not volunteered.

This is exactly why none of mine did dance. It's the entitlement that pissed me off. All classes just geared up to the show. No learning for fun.

’Without DD kindly giving you her time for free with the expensive under 5s programme it wouldn’t go ahead either then? Perhaps we’ll just leave it as that’s our contribution’

and a hard stare!

Sounds to me that the organisers should have been much clearer when recruiting for the performance that there was a requirement for parents to help. I do think this is common - some will be registered chaperones and some won’t. Really only registered chaperones should be left in charge of the children - with other parents ‘helping’. When my children did this kind of thing,lots of parents had to help pre show - and then some could escape to watch leaving some for general supervision and making sure children didn’t miss their cues - but we all had to help. However - this was only evening performances so no need to take leave. Poor communication by the organisers- as if you’d known, you may not have opted in.

This is correct all chaperones have to be dbs checked even if going on school trips It's the companies responsibility to ensure these checks are in place as they have a duty of care to children. These rules apply to all out of school clubs , activities and they also need to have public liability insurance.
Would you want just any parent helping with your child, I certainly would not, I would be asking questions.I
I would also be pulling them up about publicly pulling you up in front of others ,its degrading and embarrassing, they need in this day and age make arrangements for those parents who are not in the position to help, be it from illness or responsibilities. It's called equality

Why pretend that the OP will help in another occasion? She has no intention of doing so.
Also the theatre club needs to address their system and get everyone to have a DBS!

Weve had children do musical theatre shows for the last 7 years in 2 different groups.

Both have had the same rules that are under 5s are chaperoned by parents and kids above that are chaperoned by licensed chaperones as they can look after several children each. These are usually parents or kids who have left and come back to help but get dbs checked.

I pay around £280 per month between the 2 groups. Plus extra rehersals, costumes and tickets.

Its never been discussed parents having to chaperone. Id be a bit annoyed of it was thrust upon us rather than discussed/ asked with plenty of notice. So I am not sure if each area is different but its never been our experience that we are expected to help out. Then again our fees in comparison are eyewatering.

All volunteers will need to have a DBS check- the ‘supervision’ clause has been removed.

Parent helpers on school trips and backstage chaperones are not the same.

There are times when parent helpers on school trips do not need dbs checks.

Backstage chaperones always do, and in the vast vast majority of cases need to be specifically registered with the local authority as a chaperone as well.

Reaping the benefits of what she’s paid £150 for?

what nonsense.

I think OP needs to find out the commitment requirements before registering and probably look for a new dance school/lessons elsewhere. This school's requirements don't work for OP.

You're paying them for a theatre education. If they do not have the correct resources to run this group and adequately safeguard children; it's a -them- problem and I'd be questioning your legal position with the local authority, CAB, maybe the Ombudsmen..I know it sounds a bit much, but you're literally paying through the nose for a product they are unable to sufficiently provide. I would also question the extra £150 and ask for a breakdown of all costs etc. Cheeky f*ckers. I'd also raise a complaint over harassment/intimidating behaviour, rudeness, bad manners, ignorance of a child with SEND which could be seen as disability discrimination - You being attacked because you have a child with SEND. I would also ask what discount or wages parents will recieve for this labour they will ve providing, are they insured, and you'll be needing contracted hours if they desperately need unqualified stage hands.

Its a real money making machine. Sure its been great but id see this through then look for sn alternative.

It doesn't really work like that at the place DD goes to. There are plenty of children who attend the weekly classes but don't do any shows. The last two summers we have been away when the shows have happened, but she has done lots of different workshops in the school holidays including stage combat, musical theatre, creative writing for theatre etc. They do a brief 'showcase event' a couple of times a year where parents can come in at the end of a class and see a selection of scenes and songs they've been working on in their weekly classes, but this is very informal. The actual shows are heavily advertised and tickets sold to the general public, parents don't get priority for tickets or anything.

Not sure its OK for the parents to do this without a background check if youre chaperone other people's children

This ^

No men chaperone at DDs dance shows. Only women. All mothers are expected to chaperone. EXPECTED. NO REFUSALS ALLOWED ! No DBS checks done

We're in Wales (FYI!!)

This would be exactly my stance! It's not just her time that's been volunteered already, it's the hours you've spent facilitating the giving of her time for no reward by driving her to and from the younger ones' classes. Where are THOSE children's parents? Why aren't THEY helping out at those classes?

Scary amount of money!

I imagine they're working, I think most use the 6 hour workshops as holiday childcare. They don't ask for parent helpers for any of the holiday workshops or weekly classes, hence I was surprised to find out it's apparently mandatory for the shows.

Surely this is illegal too? One adult to 20 kids doing an under-5s dance workshop, assisted by a couple of 12-year-olds? I wouldn't want my 12-year-old to be in this position in the event of, say, a fire (or worse, thinking of recent history).

It's a shame your DD enjoys this so much. I wouldn't want to be giving them any more of my money tbh.