DH feels financially responsible for our adult DC

[Femalefootyfan1]

I’m not sure if I’m the one being unreasonable or my DH so I’d appreciate some others opinions.
DH and I were having a conversation about our adult DC and he was saying how he feels financially responsible for them.
Our DC are all in their 30’s, one lives overseas, one is married with their own DC and one is single living in a property that we own mortgage free, paying us rent of around a third of market rental price.
We are already gifting them small sums each month and are actively seeking ways in which we can potentially minimise inheritance tax post 2027. Each of our DC’s have had financial support in the past and they all know that should the need arise that they need further help, we would look at how we could do that. We also help with regular childcare for our GC and health and location allowing, we would offer childcare for any future GC.
I disagree with DH on financial responsibility as they are all adults living independently, paying mortgage or rent, all working in good careers and managing holidays, bills, clothings, social lives etc and they all have savings too.
What do others think? Am I being unreasonable to suggest to DH that he should stop feeling so responsible or just let him continue to feel this way and I just keep quiet?
I should add, in case it’s relevant, that my relationship with our DC isn’t as close as the one DH has with them so I’m not sure if that’s clouding my judgement or not.
Of course I will always want to help them and be a support to them but I don’t feel we should be financially responsible for them in the same way my DH does.

I agree. Since your dh pays 25% tax having taken all the 25% tax free allowance, 8% of your monthly income is a pretty small amount, less £150 a month to each of your 3 dc.

Surely it is just a drop in your ocean. Not worth begrudging.

Sorry, where on this thread did I say he’s cashed in his lump sum? That’s a bit of an assumption.
Another pp asked the question about divorce and joint income, in case you missed it, I responded that it’s not something I know because I haven’t to look in to that.

@Highwash it’d be nice if you read my previous responses to this question, which has been asked and replied to numerous times and always with the same answer.

The thread was about me wondering if IABU to not agree with my DH’s stance and would I BU to try to change it. I think I probably would be unreasonable to try to change it just because I disagree with it but a few pp on here have, by their helpful comments, made me see that I can look at it differently and it’s something that DH and I can discuss further as he may well have altered his thinking since we had the discussion. We haven’t had the chance to discuss further yet.

Why is the assumption being made that he’s cashed in his 25% allowance and how much goes into our joint account each month and how much we gift to our DC? I haven’t, other than the % supplied, given any financial information and nor will I.
All I’ll add to this reply is that I don’t begrudge what we gift them. Our lifestyle isn’t compromised, we’re happy to gift as it will benefit them particularly in the longer term.

Previous thread I’ve been on, how sad that you’ve gone trawling through my previous posts to prove a point.

I didn’t make out he didn’t, I knew I hadn’t said that in this thread so you’ve gone trawling through previous posts from another thread I’ve posted on to find it, too much time on your hands?
I’m not getting any further into this point, it’s not relevant and it’s becoming like you’re trying to point score and antagonise.

Wow! Trawling through my posts to find what you can, no wonder many people slate this forum. It’s people like you who spoil it for others, that’s a shame because some people really seem to want to give good advice whereas you are purely out to prove a point.

Anyway

if it really only is 8% of his pension that you are currently giving to the adult children , then there is plenty of his 92% pension to afford lunches out / days out / 4 and 5 hotels if he chooses to spend it that way.

Not quite sure of the point of this thread when it was regarding 8% the way you wrote it one would have thought it was something like 75%...

Show them the total household costs for a month and how much their 25% share is. Then ask for £50 quid. I bet they will be happy to pay so little!

This is a helpful comment, thank you and one we will be looking into.

Take some of these posters with a pinch of salt OP…they’ll only be really happy if you holiday in a caravan and wash your hair in fairy liquid and give every penny you have to your kids. Cos there is such a weird Martyr self sacrificing, internalised misery on this site. @Femalefootyfan1

Evening, everyone. We've had to delete several posts on this thread due to troll hunting and posters dragging old posts from one thread to another, which isn't really in the spirit of things. Firstly, people do sometimes change details for various reasons, including privacy, but secondly, we don't allow troll hunting. If you have concerns about a poster please contact us directly and don't air your views on a thread.

We'd really like to get this thread back on track so if we could revert to answering the questions raised in the OP we'd be really grateful.

Totally agree - I can never decide whether they are the grabby kids or the martyr parents who’ll be let down enormously when they realise their kids are only around whilst the cash is flowing.😁