WIBU to divorce due to DH quitting his job whilst I’m a SAHM?

[Ilovechristmasssssssssssss]

We have young children under the age of 5.

I’m a SAHM whilst DH works (which we are both in agreement with). He has a high earning role, but has been increasingly unhappy with the politics of the job.

He came home and announced that he is quitting tomorrow. Nothing lined up but says he will ‘make it work’. Worst case scenario we will have to sell our home and downsize.

Despite him having a well paid role, we have zero savings as our outgoings are high and due to some other factors. We have a minimum debt payment of £3,000 per month (DH brings home approx £10,000 per month).

I am considering telling him that it’s over between us if he does this. I am fed up of picking up everything family-wise for him to just throw our lives into turmoil like this.

So many dense, obtuse responses on here. People are so fucking triggered by others having a good household income and being able to stay at home.

OP your husband is being a tool and sounds untrustworthy. Please try and persuade him to throw time and energy into finding another role, help him if you can and then decide whether you'd rather split when things are more secure.

How does he propose that you manage with no income and no savings?

You can't get UC if he leaves voluntarily

I'm not against it! I'm just saying that to those who think hiring a nanny equals having your mother at home are mistaken. Unless you've had a shitty childhood that is. I have witnessed childminders neglecting their charges and sometimes even bullied them/ give them a tap on the bum. There are great ones as well ofcourse but why take the risk unless you have to.

Hi @Ilovechristmasssssssssssss
There are 2 problems

1. Your DH being miserable in his high paying job
2. Him being opaque with the finances & spending more than you earn

For problem no.1 your DH needs a plan and to be proactive. My DH also has a 'big job.' At that level it will take a while to find something else, he needs to use his network and get in touch with reputable, sector specific head hunters. It took my DH about 6 months to find a new role

For problem no,2 you need complete financial transparency otherwise this overspending will just keep happening to you. You need to take control

Did you say you send 1DC to private school? Why not use state until you've paid off your debti

Maybe he's struggling mentally.
Could you get a job easily? Or could you both work part-time?
It is a bit irresponsible of him so I assume he must be in a desperate situation.

Sounds like you need to cut your cloth. You may need to downsize the house. You need to focus on getting rid of the debt.

Just tell him not to be so irresponsible. Immediately start looking for jobs. If you have to go out to work because he has chucked in his job he will have to be a SAHF - he will just have to learn where to start. Point out to him forcefully.

He sounds very controlling. I'd be planning my exit.

There has to be an imbetween solution here - a lower paid job that he is happy with.
You may have to work PT to make up the difference.

Nobody walks away from that salary without sick pay, significant severance/redundancy or another job to go to, especially if it means your wife will divorce you. He's been sacked.

He's a hands off dad shes a SAHM. Now you are suggesting she takes on another role of emotional support person, councillor therapist for a grown up man. He has 2 small children he either looks for a job before resigning like a toddler.
Is OP sure hes resigning if this is out of the blue has he been sacked and trying to hide it.

He may find another job quickly,

Can’t he go off sick, whilst getting paid? This will give him some thinking time, to hatch a plan?

This thread cracks me up. All those posts justifying the invaluable work carried by sahm financially worth at least the same as their husband because they do EVERYTHING! Yet weeks after weeks after weeks aibu is full of sahm moaning and moaning about how their working husband don't so enough at home and should take on more to make it fair....

Here though, it's right that they do nothing but just bring in the cash! Hilarious!

I have friends whose partners work away for months at a time, they have young kids and STILL work, how is it impossible for you to get a job whilst he’s in that role? Even if your salary just went towards debt.

send your child to a state school to begin with, they’ll be just fine.

You’re being wildly dramatic wanting to divorce him for wanting out of a job when you’re not prepared to get one yourself.

People making out she's held him hostage to be a SAHM are mad. They mutually agreed it and he's been happy with it whilst hiding his debt. THAT is reason to leave him, but she didn't because she's an idiot.

Now he has no money coming in, she wants to leave because without a job he can't ramp up more debt to sustain her lifestyle.

Nothing wrong with her being a SAHM

A lot wrong with him building the debt

A lot wrong with her NOT leaving when the debt was discovered

A lot wrong with her leaving when he leaves his job

They're both living in absolute dream land

What is his job? Is it something he could get somewhere else with less pressure where he may enjoy it more? Also I think you should have access to the bank especially after the dentist that built up you did not know about and the wage drop.

How are there school fees if both kids are under school age?

But you ll be more than skint if you leave home, you ll be homeless unless you've family to move in with, and no income bar what he gives you for the children. Given the amount of debt repayment there may not be much left in assets to split

Your husband is on a gross salary of £250k. His job at the that level is all consuming. I've been there. But my husband always worked. His own money, modelling a shared household and flexible parenting. You're being unreasonable. I suspect your husband is burnt out and could be being asked to do something illegal. He might want to walk rather than be arrested. That happened to me.
Have you a professional background? Could you retrain. I have not read one post from you saying you love him. I nearly died last year. I lost my career, our lifestyle and nearly our home. My husband looked after me and we cut our cloth. That's a marriage not a contract.

This relationship seems entirely transactional: OP takes care of home and kids, her DH provides financially. I may have missed it but love hasn’t been mentioned at all. Given this I would say that what her DH is proposing puts him in breach of contract - marriage is after all a legal contract and he will be reneging on his end of the bargain. Divorce in these circumstances seems reasonable. Not my idea of a marriage, but each to their own.

Your issue here isn't your husband's feelings around his job. Your issue is that you have a basic failure of communication. Your husband didn't tell you about the lower salary and the debt you'd got into because of it. If he can't be honest with you about something so fundamental then you are in real trouble.

I’d say if he’s thinking of quitting his job there’s something more going on than office politics. Work related stress is no joke and for some people it can be fatal. I’d be trying to talk to him and get to the bottom of what’s causing his problems not filing for divorce.

It's quite obvious from your post that you have absolutely no idea what single parenting is like.

Suggest you stop watching Motherland / Amandaland, downsize, and start living in the real world.

🙄

He needs to understand that it doesn’t get to work like this. If you two are a team and made an agreement that he he would work full time due to his earning potential and you would work doing literally everything else, then he can’t just drop his end of that deal with one day’s notice!

He dislikes his job - fine, find another one and stay in employment until that happens. We don’t just get to walk out on our responsibilities ffs!

Both DH and I work. I would be furious if he did this and he would too if I did.

i think the specifics of your debt and his high salary are pretty irrelevant tbh.