WIBU to divorce due to DH quitting his job whilst I’m a SAHM?

[Ilovechristmasssssssssssss]

We have young children under the age of 5.

I’m a SAHM whilst DH works (which we are both in agreement with). He has a high earning role, but has been increasingly unhappy with the politics of the job.

He came home and announced that he is quitting tomorrow. Nothing lined up but says he will ‘make it work’. Worst case scenario we will have to sell our home and downsize.

Despite him having a well paid role, we have zero savings as our outgoings are high and due to some other factors. We have a minimum debt payment of £3,000 per month (DH brings home approx £10,000 per month).

I am considering telling him that it’s over between us if he does this. I am fed up of picking up everything family-wise for him to just throw our lives into turmoil like this.

Ok. You’re right as you clearly know more about our lives than I do.

He can easily get other jobs by the sound of it, he’s done it multiple tomes

no-one needs to work in America for weeks at a time for £150k

I’m sorry, but he does not earn enough for a live in nanny who’d be prepared to work all hours. He has regular abroad trips for weeks at a time. You are nitpicking
Not really....of course he should be able to afford a nanny on £120k, but if that's really too expensive, there are of course always the good old au pair!

Well I could not be married to a man who kept his bank account secret. In our house ALL money is OUR money and is in a joint account

DH goes abroad for weeks at a time. Often without notice.

Even if it were possible for him to be able to afford a nanny to cover this (which it wouldn’t be), there’s no way he would want a stranger looking after his children. Hence his preference for me being a SAHM.

You don’t know his role. I can assure you, he does.

Why would he need a live in nanny who works all hours? Unless the job you’d get would be 24/7…
Children in nursery/wraparound while you work. No need for a nanny, live in or otherwise

None of this makes sense at all.

You don't appear to know his salary for definite.
You don't have acess to bank account so really have jo idea what's going on.
You have £150k debt.
You pay £3k repayments monthly.
You don't appear to know where the other £7k goes.
You mention school fees for kids too young to have them.
You then say school fees apply from September onwards.
Why private schiol when you can't afford it?
Small kids don't need it either.
No plans to work when child in school.
Husband wants to leave job - no real understanding of that either.
Are you sure understand gross & net salary differences?

The entire thing is a mess.
You are both finamcially incontentient.
You seem entitled.
He seems feckless.

You appear to be in denial about your role here.
It's beyind stupid to say I do all the childcare so I don't need to pay attention to finances once I'm bankrolled.

Both of you need to grow up and understand everything that's going on - whether you are together or divorced.

What would he do if you died then?

Even if it were possible for him to be able to afford a nanny to cover this (which it wouldn’t be), there’s no way he would want a stranger looking after his children. Hence his preference for me being a SAHM
The point is that he could if he really had to. You on the other hand are totally dependent on him because you couldn't go and earn what he earns.

So no single parents can do this job?

Exactly. The children have two parents.

again.. how do you think other people manage?

yes, they likely have to downsize. But you know that there are single mothers who are nurses, doctors, paramedic and work night shifts? What do you think happens to the young children while they are working?

If you have a preschooler, you can be in America, in China or the hospital 2 blocks away, you are not home. You need childcare. Day and night.

Different when you have a teenager.

So £10,000 per month is enough
of course it's enough. You just budget accordingly.

You’ve had children with a man who doesn’t seem to have wanted them, and become completely financially dependent on someone who hates his job.

You can threaten divorce but you don’t actually have any leverage here. You’re going to end up a lot poorer than you are now whatever happens.

He really truly would figure it out. I can assure you. Whoever told you your role as a SAHM makes you irreplaceable is a big old liar.

We’ve discussed this and have planned for it. A retired family member would move in permanently.

It sounds like he’s at his end with his job and needs a break before he has a burnout. He needs you step up now and support the family rather than to walk away from him

Ok, I read it as £10k gross with £7k net and all of it and more was being spent due to £3k of it going towards the £150k debt run up over years of similar spending money faster than it comes in with no thought for any possibility of a break in pay cheques or a rainy day.

because not everybody works a 9 to 5, and some parents might be able to manage with nurseries, but others need longer and more flexible hours.
nothing wrong with having a nanny?

You can also keep the nanny when they start school and you need even more wraparound care, not less. Schools are more difficult than nurseries for a working parent.

You just employ the most suitable and realistic childcare for your lifestyle. It's not that hard.

Absolute bull 💩. You put them in nursery etc like most of the working population.

I've a feeling that you don't have any qualifications, so need to start at the bottom.

You have £3k a month debt repayments, is that on top of your mortgage? If so I am not sure you can afford for one of you not to work. What would be the plan of your DH was made redundant or became too ill to work?

Not unless they wanted their children to grow up with strangers, no.

I agree that they both have poor communication and monetary issues but he can’t just leave a job without a back up plan to fund it when they’re already in shit loads of debt! That is absolute madness!
Oh and if OP said she was off for six weeks to care for a sick relative and then said the kids and house were over to him, I’d hazard a guess that he wouldn’t be best pleased with that/wouldn’t have a clue what to do!
He might get another job in 6 days. It could be 6 weeks or 6 months and they’re already in debt!
As I said before, I’d have divorced him for the secret £150k+ secret debt in the first place.

So you'd nab their money? Classy.

But, if you divorce him, you’ll won’t be able to be a stay at home mum. You will have to find some way to house you and your children and a job to pay the bills.