WIBU to divorce due to DH quitting his job whilst I’m a SAHM?

[Ilovechristmasssssssssssss]

We have young children under the age of 5.

I’m a SAHM whilst DH works (which we are both in agreement with). He has a high earning role, but has been increasingly unhappy with the politics of the job.

He came home and announced that he is quitting tomorrow. Nothing lined up but says he will ‘make it work’. Worst case scenario we will have to sell our home and downsize.

Despite him having a well paid role, we have zero savings as our outgoings are high and due to some other factors. We have a minimum debt payment of £3,000 per month (DH brings home approx £10,000 per month).

I am considering telling him that it’s over between us if he does this. I am fed up of picking up everything family-wise for him to just throw our lives into turmoil like this.

Yes ,,but he lies .
You need to see the on line banking asap
If he won't let you have access to the accounts ..there's clearly a reason why ..and it won't be a good one

Because my DH wouldn’t be able to do his job without me being a SAHM?

How do you have school fees, as you wrote above, if neither of your children go to school?

Oh my goodness, two school runs a day! And she has to play with her other children! And whatever "running the household" means! You're right that's totally the equivalent of being the sole earner. Or maybe you're insinuating that it's harder? Yep, sounds tough to me.

She said in OP he came home to say his job was so stressful he wants to quit, and her reaction is to come on here and ask if she should divorce him for quitting his job. She did not ask for advice on how to help him, advice on discussing this out with him, advice on how to ease his current breakdown. She’s equated her last 4 years at home with one child, on an extraordinary spending pattern as equivalent to his job. She’s done zero to understand anything financial. And now, a pair of high spenders, with massive debt, 150k, think it’s wise to commit to private school fees for a “toddler”.

He doesn't want to do his job any more so instead you get a job and go out to work and let him stay home.

Bank accounts...
Get searching on line

I really don’t know why this is being argued about. DH would agree that he wouldn’t be able to do his role without me being a SAHM. It’s not up for discussion.

Really? Or frustration about seeing women make the same mistake over and over again, because their little wifey brain can only understand cushions and nappies they sign all of their financial independence away, become completely dependent and then encourage completely ridiculous financial decisions (private school fees and cars on HP when you’ve got 150k debt and your husband is feckless). Only to be surprised when it all goes to shit in a few years and you’ve got no income, pension or house.

Oh well, compromise love!!!! That's marriage and parenthood for you. What a spoilt, entitled, inconsiderate brat.

for Richer or poorer.
He is clearly struggling as he’s got in so much debt. I don’t think you should leave him because he is going to quit his job. But there are clearly a lot of problems in this marriage. Paying for private school when in so much debt is absolutely crazy. I wonder what else you are wasting money on?

He absolutely could.

Because my DH wouldn’t be able to do his job without me being a SAHM?
Of course he could. He was earning enough to employ a nanny and house cleaner.

You're no so irreplaceable in term of the jobs you do!

Any job that I get wouldn’t even cover our expenses.

Are you this rude in real life?

People do. They really do. People have different emotional reactions to things. He could be in denial and subconsciously wanting to bring it all to an end (common in men) he could be exhausted and sees no way out so may as well control his own way out.

quitting is a way of dealing with it. He gets to walk away and everyone else does the work to rebuild life around him.

Oh get over yourself.

First a start look up financial abuse which has a definition and absolutely does not apply here.

And secondly, a lot of people are just a bit sceptical of the thread, who have been on MN for a long time.

Thirdly, 'you all must hate women or SAHM' or 'be jealous' is such a tired trope and misogynistic in itself because you can't see that intelligent, experienced MNetters have intelligent, experienced opinions and just because you're not seeing cheerleaders you automatically assume it's nasty women being jealous or hateful.

Sounds like it's you that hates women..

Of course he could. He can afford a nanny, how do you think other high earner do?

There are enough high profile single mothers to see how it works.

It's not ideal, possibly, high earners have nannies. Low earner have childminders or nurseries. It's not a judgement, it's a question of costs!

I’m sorry, but he does not earn enough for a live in nanny who’d be prepared to work all hours. He has regular abroad trips for weeks at a time. You are nitpicking.

Below school age, but you said in an earlier reply part of your £7k expenses is school fees?

I don't actually think you're BU, it sounds like you're not particularly happy in the relationship anyway, and if he's making these big decisions without discussing it with you first, doesn't sound much of a partnership.

I'm realistic, yes. Then you cut your cloth to match your earning potential. It's really not that hard. You've been living well beyond your means for years and sound rather ridiculous to be perfectly honest.

I promise you he'd be fine without you being a SAHM. That's just something people say to SAHM.

You, on the other hand, would have to work and that sounds like it might be a problem for you.

But the job he currently has doesn't cover your expenses. Especially when you're making daft decisions like paying out for private school.

So £10,000 per month is enough for all bills and staff to look after your children for weeks at a time whilst you’re in America? Working long hours?

This. Sorry OP but this insistence that sahms are essential for high earning partners is a fallacy that makes sahms feel better about their role

i replaced my work shy partner with childcare, as has every high earning divorced male i know. It’s actually easier, you only have to pay them and not worry about anything else

I really don’t know why this is being argued about. DH would agree that he wouldn’t be able to do his role without me being a SAHM. It’s not up for discussion
I bet it isn't up for discussion....because that's what suits you doesn't it? Or did, when it came with the lifestyle you expected from carrying him!

You are coming across as so unreasonable, I'm starting to wonder whether he gave up his job just to test your reaction...and see for himself that it's his income you married rather than him.

He might be the one making the application for a divorce before you get the chance to!