to think some people on here have no idea what 16-18 year olds are actually like?

[Twile]

I’ve noticed that some posters on here seem to have no idea what parenting an older teenager is actually like.

Someone will post about their 16-18 year old being completely out of control - staying out all night, drinking, vaping, refusing school or college, being verbally abusive, getting involved with unsuitable partners or simply refusing to follow any rules.

Without fail, there are replies saying things like:

“Just stop them going.”
“Take their phone off them.”
“Ground them.”
“You’re the parent - just say no.”
“I’d never allow that”

It makes me wonder whether these people have actually parented an older teen.

A 16-18-year-old is not the same as a 10-year-old. They’re often physically bigger than you, legally have increasing autonomy, can leave the house if they choose, earn their own money and in many cases simply refuse to comply. You can’t physically force them to stay indoors, attend college, end a relationship or make sensible choices. And nor should you.

Of course boundaries still matter, and parenting doesn’t stop at 16. But the strategies change. You’re often relying on influence rather than control, and sometimes you’re choosing the least bad option rather than the ideal one.

Mine has worked at a funfair and as a lifeguard.

I’m in the UK and dd16 is working in a restaurant- currently 5-6 days a week due to holidays and busy periods. Tips are good and she is also babysitting on top so is raking it in!

I remember those years. DS did not have a strong career direction at 18, so we sent him on a four week basic chef's course, because he liked cooking and was good at it, and we thought a season cheffing and skiing in a chalet, possibly followed by a summer yacht cheffing would give him time. He finished and dropped his CV into a posh foodie boutique hotel. They loved him, taught him everything and more. He was very good and very reliable. His days got longer and longer, and he got thinner and thinner. The level of stress on a 20 year old, who occasionally ran the pass for a top rated hotel during dinner was too much. He went to university the next year to make TV about it.