To expect 15 year old DD to share a room with the family on holiday?

[NotTonightDeidre]

It's actually is DH being unreasonable. He thinks DD (15) should be happy to share a room with us all (me, him, DD2).

She doesn't want to share a room with us (she will share with me & sister, not her dad).

I can see where she's coming from but DH doesn't see her p.o.v.

But some youth hostels do and plenty more did in the past

We just went on holidays. In some hotels, we shared a room - DH, me, DS15, DS13. In others, we got a 2 bedroom apartment.
It's not the end of the world for a few days.

If a teenager feels uncomfortable sharing a room with her parents, she absolutely should not have to and her father really shouldn’t be the one questioning it.

No man, even the father, should be telling a teenage girl that she’s wrong to want bedroom privacy.

I realise lots of people will say “Well, MY teenage daughter has been sharing with me, her dad, 17 siblings and her elderly grandparents for years and she loves it, so I don’t see the issue!” but they’re missing the point, which is that it’s fine if the teenager is comfortable with it but absolutely not fine if they aren’t.

At 15, they should get to decide on what level of privacy they need in bed, exactly the same way any adult woman should get to decide what level of privacy she gets in bed.

That's fair enough. In which case they don't have to go on the holiday. Never heard the saying " He who pays the piper calls the tune"

When she's paying then she gets to choose

Just because your sons are OK with it, that doesn’t mean it will be OK for everyone. It’s a deeply personal thing.

We always share a family a room we are a family of four dd 12 and dd is nearly 14. Neither of the girls are bothered and my DH doesn't pay an ounce of attention when we are getting ready. Of course my DH is always respectful of our girls getting ready and stays out of the way, unless they shout for him for whatever reason. He usually sits on the balcony or has a quick snooze. If my DD's dont want to share a room with me and DH we would want to know why, As we ensure they always feel safe and comfortable. I get teenage girls hormones are at their peak, maybe show her the room so she has an idea where to get ready etc and give her some reassurance that he won't take any notice.

My 18 year old and his girlfriend shared a room with us before the flight, but they obviously had their own room on holiday. And when we go without his, he will either share with us, or with his nana. Wouldn’t in a million years think about spending extra for a room of his own, wasteful to do it, and he likes the company.

Don't understand the problem. As long as she has privacy to change in the bathroom. My kids n DH always have a family room on holiday. Its fun family time Complete privacy in bathroom .

Can you not see that some people are just naturally more private than others? I would have absolutely hated having to share a room with my dad as a teen and I feel the same way about room sharing now too.

Didn’t stay in a hotel. Nice try tho. 😁

I share a room with my son (16) and daughter (18) when on holiday, never thought to do it any differently.

A night or 2 in a Premier Inn is okay but a proper holiday would be very claustrophobic especially if 2yo is an early riser. Also, no 'adult time' for you and DH.

I remember sharing with my parents at that age and absolutely hated it. Would have preferred to stay at home - that was my last family holiday at 15. Once i was 16 I refused to go with them again and had the excuse of not being able to get the time off work.

the 13 year age gap between kids ... are you going to drip feed DH is her stepdad?

She isn’t “sharing with her dad” exactly anyway, she is sharing with her entire close family - she will be chaperoned by her other relatives by necessity (as there is nowhere else for them to be) at all times.

They did, pretty routinely, up until the early 2000s. I'll bet a lot of people on here remember travelling to France or elsewhere around Europe at 16 or 17. Until 1995, a UK citizen wouldn't even have needed a passport for France, just a cheapo BVP you'd get in ten minutes at the post office.

Is it just for one night or longer?

Unless there’s some sordid reason for not wanting to share with her father or he snores like a train, then she is the one being unreasonable. If it’s the only way you all as a family can afford to go away she should just suck it up (with earplugs if nec) We all share a room when we go away or else we can’t afford to go away I’m sure my daughter would prefer not to but she also would prefer to go on holiday rather than not.

I had to share a room with my mum and brother into my 20s and when my brother got married we had to share a room the night before his wedding. We were in our thirties and it was weirdly nostalgic but it was the only way we could afford it.

Urgh hate the attitude of “we’re paying so tough luck”. Same vibe as “my house my rules”. Very unfair as they are young so are stick with you but are old enough to have their own views that should be respected or at least acknowledged. Sounds like some of these posters actually detest their own teens. Don’t know anyone like this in real life.

It is grim sharing a room in this situation. You need to accept she’s not 5 anymore and adjust your holiday plans. A night or two is ok but a whole week of your holiday crammed into one room sounds bloody awful.

Has no one on this thread encountered the modern phenomenon of hotels with glass-doored bathrooms? It's absolutely horrific even as a couple (who wants to be visible on the toilet?) but in full nightmare territory if sharing as a family.

Holidays are supposed to be enjoyable so I can't understand all the 'she should suck it up responses'. If she's uncomfortable, it's not much of a holiday.

She’s 15. Do you think they’re going be happy to leave her at home by herself for a week if she doesn’t fancy the trip?

I don’t think ‘we’re paying so you have to have put up with it’ should really apply to teenage girls’ privacy boundaries, really.

I think more information is needed as to why she doesn't want to share.

As some have suggested is she worried about her dad seeing her? (Is he her actual dad or is it stepdad and is there something creepy going on?)

Though those saying she doesn't want him to see her maybe be ignoring the fact if it's a beach holiday she is potentially going to be parading around the poolside in a tiny bikini based on some girls I have seen, in which case dad plus everyone else will see her in a state of undress then, so what's different to sharing a room and getting ready in the bathroom?

The what if she is on her period is just ridiculous. Should girls avoid their dads when they are due on? How does this then work for girls that live with their dads full time? Utter nonsense and shows the stupidity that still exists around a normal body function.

As others have said the privacy issue is only a part of it. I would hate not to have a space to myself for a whole week. How on earth is that a holiday? Supposed to be fun.

Cramming a whole family with teens into one room is not fun in any way. Room sharing is for very small children not teens.

Does it really matter if other peoples kids would be fine with it? She isn't. I'd talk to her and find out why. If its something as simple as where she gets changed then you can suggest everyone uses the bathroom. If its something like you and her dad sleep in the buff then you can compromise and wear pyjamas. As she is getting older I would just factor in rhe cost of 2 separate rooms.

We are a family of 5 and some hotels do accommodate that many people to a room. I wouldn't mind it for a weekend but for a weeks long holiday I like more room so we go for adjoining hotel rooms or villas.

What do 15 year old girls do on camping trips with the family?

You don’t know OP’s budget , they might easily afford it. It could be an aparthotel or a suite , not necessarily two room.
You don’t know their routine and whether they use the room “just to sleep”.
You don’t know whether the dad is considerate of privacy and acting in a suitable way around a 15 yo.
You don’t know whether he snores like a freight train.
You don’t know what issues this girl has around privacy and why.
Her objections could be very valid.