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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH's cousin's wife is getting on my nerves, trying to line up shifts for me at her charity shop when I retire, and trying to get me to join her walking group! AIBU to ask you fine people how the heck I can deal with her?!!!

679 replies

GoldAndSilverBells · 19/07/2026 10:10

This is doing my head in, and I just wondered how to handle it.

I am due to retire soon. May possibly be early next year. (Luckily, I am retiring a few years earlier than I thought I would be able to - at 60.)

DH's cousin's wife, works for a charity shop, and is the Deputy Manager, and all she has banged on about, since DH decided to mention (about 3 months ago,) that I may be retiring soon is how wonderful it is that they'll have an extra pair of hands in the charity shop, and has told me to let her know when I retire, so she can pop me on the rota! Shock

I mean, WTF? Confused I have worked since I was 16, so about 43 years, with no break, other than 2 maternity leaves of 4 months each (and they're not holidays,) and she has me lined up for work in her shop. 'I'm sure we can squeeze a couple of 8 hour shifts a week out of you!' she said smugly the other day.

She is also trying to get me to join her 'walking group.' She lives 7 miles away, and it's her village walking group, so I would have to drive there every time (it's twice a week.) I love walking but HATE doing it in groups. Prefer to do it alone. Sometimes with DH, or my DC, occasionally a friend, but NOT in a big group. There's 25 or so of them, and I like to walk at my own pace, and on my own chosen routes.

I could honestly cuss DH for telling her. Me retiring is none of her business! It's OK for her, up to 2 years ago (she's aged 56 now,) she has always been a homemaker/stay at home mum, (and has had no children at home for the past 12 years and was still a homemaker for another 10 years before getting this charity shop job..) There's nothing wrong with being a homemaker if it suits both of you in the couple.... But basically she has never had to work... I am looking forward to a chance to just do ....... nothing, as I have worked nearly 43 years!

Well, maybe sit in the garden reading, going for walks, (not in big groups!) and looking around the shops, and going to the woodlands, doing some gardening, writing poetry, and just doing what I want to, after 43 years of work. OK, the last 28 have been part time - 20 to 22 hours a week, but I was raising a family as well as working part time, (our DC left around 6-7 years ago,) and I am looking forward to the total freedom, and not having to do anything, unless I want to, and I don't want DH's bossy cousin's wife arranging my life for me. (DH is planning on retiring about 2 years after me......)

So far, I have just been like 'err, ha ha, errrm, well...' and she's moved on to the next subject (we see her maybe once every 3-4 weeks.) DH said I just need to tell her NO, but how can I word it without sounding horrible? She is really bossy, and I am quite placid and quiet.. Upshot is I am not working in the charity shop because I don't want to, OR joining the 'walking group!' I hate big group gatherings, and am a free spirit, and always get lost in these groups and ignored, because I'm fairly quiet.

HELP! How can I deal with this? I'm so annoyed that I have to!!!

OP posts:
YourOliveBalonz · Yesterday 20:37

ConverselyAttired · Yesterday 19:41

But it isn't equivalent. She never "ate the fish pie" as this was all decided by the woman in advance of OP's retirement. Her question of "why do you think I want to do these things?" means why did she try and push them on OP in the first instance? Not "Why do you now think I want to work for you? Oh I never actually said no, did I..."

I think we are coming at it from different angles. My point is that, however rude and pushy someone is in their approach and phrasing 1) They can’t actually dictate how you live your life so however it’s worded you should treat it like a request/question and answer accordingly, and 2) You don’t need to do anything other than shut it down, preferably at the time of having a conversation.

I might consider a person presumptuous and rude, but I would just make it clear I wasn’t interested. I wouldn’t take them to task for their presumption, which makes it more awkward than it needs to be and, in my view, is at least bordering on rude itself. I understand people are saying that doesn’t matter, and that it is necessary to talk to the person like this, but that’s the point I was making for clarity.

omghereistrouble · Today 08:50

Just say thanks but I have a list of things I want to do first, things I have not been able to do while working

HGHGHG · Today 09:40

omghereistrouble · Today 08:50

Just say thanks but I have a list of things I want to do first, things I have not been able to do while working

You don't think by now OP could possibly have already sent a reply?

Ump · Today 10:10

HGHGHG · Today 09:40

You don't think by now OP could possibly have already sent a reply?

Absolutely!

If only there was a simple, one-click option to see any updates from the OP.🙄

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