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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not let dd (aged 8) go to a sleepover ...

109 replies

bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:16

...because i really can't decide whether i'm being unreasonable or not ...and of course, according to dd i am being totally unreasonable!!

DD is 8 (and yes, she is my PFB - she has two younger sisters) and her friend at school is having a sleepover. Apparantly dd and two other friends are invited (four 8yr old girls in all) and the other children's parents have said yes. I have said no.

My reasons for saying no is that i really don't know the parents well at all. I know mum to say hello and to have a friendly chat to, and dd has been to her house for tea etc. but i don't know her very well and don't know mums boyfriend at all.

DD is very cross and upset with me and part of me wants to let her go, but i'm really torn because i really feel that i don't know the parents well enough.

What do you think? Am i BU? Go on, tell me the truth, I can take it ...

Would you let your dd go?

OP posts:
queen2shoes · 25/06/2008 22:18

I would. but would drop her of so you can meet said parents.

BooshBaby · 25/06/2008 22:19

YABU.

You know you are being over protective.

youareamazing · 25/06/2008 22:19

Message withdrawn

Elmosgirl · 25/06/2008 22:20

Well to your DD this is probably not a very convincing argument, if you feel like you don't know them well enough could you make an effort to get to know them a bit better?

Has been a long time since I was 8 but pretty sure these things are very important and to not be included in things that your other friends are going to, and will be talking about A LOT will probably be very hard for your DD.

RosaLuxembunting · 25/06/2008 22:21

I think YABU to be honest. You know the mum, she has been there for tea, assuming that you have no reason to suspect that they will let them watch 18-rated DVDs or give them sausage rolls and froot shoots for tea I think you should let her go.

Ambi · 25/06/2008 22:21

Aw I loved sleepovers as a girl, but I don't think I went to any until I was around 9-10. Eating popcorn and loads of crap and watching movies and giggling with friends about boys until god knows what time, then the parents telling us to keep it down, and what a mess the day after.
I think I would, but then DD is only 6mths old so can't say fairly.

fifflegumps · 25/06/2008 22:21

If you don't feel right about something, I always say go with your gut feeling. If something did happen you would never forgive yourself. She'll get over it and perhaps give her an alternative treat ie toy/day out to make up for it.

LaylaandSethsmum · 25/06/2008 22:22

YABU if she was mine I would let her go.

cece · 25/06/2008 22:22

I think I would say no as well. IMO 8 is too young for a sleepover. In fact I think any age is too young/old for a sleepover. Not sure I like the whole idea of them myself...

cupsoftea · 25/06/2008 22:22

yanbu - tell the mum how you feel - see how you can get to know them better

youareamazing · 25/06/2008 22:22

Message withdrawn

Nappyzoneneedsanewname · 25/06/2008 22:23

I will let mine sleep out when she is 17 and no younger ok perhaps 10.

funnypeculiar · 25/06/2008 22:23

Hummm, mine are (just!) preschool, so I don't really have a right to an opinion, but I would have thought that at 8, sleep-over type stuff is pretty standard for girls. I can imagine your dd is feeling that you don't trust HER - rather than that you don't trust the parents....

What is it that you're nervous about?

bogwobbit · 25/06/2008 22:24

It's a difficult one but I don't think you're being unreasonable.
She's your precious dd and she's still very yougn and I can understand why you wouldn't want her to stay with people you feel you barely know. Go with your gut feeling. There's no shame in that.

themildmanneredjanitor · 25/06/2008 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tortoiseSHELL · 25/06/2008 22:27

It is difficult - ds1 has been having sleepovers with his best friend since they were 3, but we know the parents extremely well (have been 2 of our closest friends for many years). Dd and her bf, who she has made through school are starting to talk about having sleepovers - she is 4, and again, I would be more than happy as although I haven't known the parents as long (3 years), they are lovely, and have no qualms at all.

If I didn't know the parents and it was ds1 who is 7, I think I would have a bit of a problem with it - I think I would make a point of getting to know them better first!

MummyJules · 25/06/2008 22:28

To be honest, I would also but we are have different ideas of what we would be happy with as parents. Queen2shoes, makes a good suggestion. What sort of feeling do you get when talking to the mother?

Jas · 25/06/2008 22:30

DD1 had a sleepover for her 8th birthday.

Two girls stayed (both sets of parents know us fairly well) and the other two left at 10/11 oclock...one had sleep issues, and the other girl was fairly new to the school and I didn't know her parents.

Could your dd go for the evening but come home to sleep as a compromise?

I don't think YABU at all btw, and probably wouldn't let dd2 (almost 8 ) go now.

Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:31

My gut instinct says no

I don't feel that i know the parents well enough at all.
Ok, i know mum to chat to, but she has split from dad (who i also knew to chat to) and i don't know new boyfriend at all.

She just seems too young ...

Argh, i just don't want to feel unreasonable and part of me is saying that that is exactly what i'm being

God this parenting lark is shite sometimes ...

OP posts:
alicet · 25/06/2008 22:31

Just skim read....

Funnily enough there was an almost identical op a couple of weeks back and the resounding opinion then seemed to be YANBU to not let your dd go to a house where you don't know 1 of the parents (think she was also about 8).

Yet the summary of this thread seems to be let your PFB go!

Funny how 2 such differing opinions can come out really!

If you're not happy I would stick to your guns. But make an effort to get to know the parents so that next time you can say yes. And be honest with the parents as to why you are declining this time - while they may not have done the same I am sure they will not think badly of you for just being concerned about your dd as long as you pitch it right.

Josephnia · 25/06/2008 22:32

I understand your concerns but my Dd has talked about doing this aged 4! I know we have to be so careful as parents but unless there is really a genuine reason to think there is some danger there....

Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:33

Thats the thing, she has other friends who i do know the parents well, and i wouldn't have a problem letting her stay there ... i just don't know these parents well at all ...

OP posts:
Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:34

No, i don't suspect 'danger' - i just don't know them very well and don't feel comfortable

OP posts:
blueshoes · 25/06/2008 22:35

bluenosesaint, what are you worried about that you need to know the parents well before allowing your dd to sleepover with her friends?

themildmanneredjanitor · 25/06/2008 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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